odmo
New Member
All of this started as a pursuit into my mind. Felt like things were dormant, like I had been sleeping for a very long time and was curious if there was anything deeper. Started to study self, which threw me down an existential hole and overwhelming awareness of my situation and everything that has led up to where I am. Decided to go see someone professionally, to further my verbal understanding, and perhaps give me a voice. Since then, which was a few months ago, things have been shifting quite rapidly and dramatically. Was unofficially diagnosed, by her, as an HFA or Aspie, which has led to confusion, depression, excitement, and any range of emotion that was originally thought to be dead. It has made me realize that I had given up my voice, which is my comfort in spontaneity, a long time ago, and that I have been putting up a social mask for many, many years. This has dug me into quite a deep hole, as it is now clear that I am utterly confused by the majority of social situations. For example, I often have no clue where a conversation is going or the seriousness that is involved with the topic, so laughter will come when it is completely inappropriate. The only thing that I truly understand is math, as it is a language with no ambiguity. People, on the other hand, are tremendously complicated with all of their subtleties, and isolation is the easier route for me. I often ramble about the nature of everything when I am verbally peering into my mind, which for some reason seems to bring about tremendous offense for some. This, I think, led me to give up my voice a long time ago. I am rambling now, which is often the case. I get obsessed about certain things, and do not know when to drop them. Finding a voice again is an exciting time, but also quite confusing without knowing how to regulate it. In any case, I look forward to joining this community. The internet name is odmo 
