Hi Everyone!

[Izzy]

Hi everyone,
I'm Izzy, a 26 year old girl from the Netherlands.
I have struggled with high levels of stress since I was a kid but was never able to explain what was stressing me out.
One of the biggest problems for me growing up was my stimming behavior. I rock back and forth with my upper body when I'm stressed out. I used to do it in class but I got picked on so I learned to repress it in public.
I started having problems with panic attacks and anxiety when I was 21. I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder but the treatment didnt help me. Then I got diagnosed with autism about a year ago and the stimming behavior and some of the sources of my stress became more clear.
One of the reasons I did not get diagnosed earlier is that I do have pretty good social skills. I have a neurotypical twin sister so I think growing up with her I learned a lot from her.
I am still getting treatment from a psychologist but I feel like things aren't progressing much.
I would like to hear some people's experiences in dealing with stress and stimming because it is kind of out of control for me right now.
I rock every day, all day when I'm at home. I can't stop it when I start and it feels kind of like an addiction. I do it when I study but also when I try to do something I like doing. I get so perfectionist about wanting to do everything right that I can't enjoy many of my hobbies anymore. I had a herniated disc a few years ago and I get regular backaches still. I used to hate the rocking because I felt like I was crazy and weird for doing it. I still desperately try to hide it when I'm in public because I'm ashamed.

Some other personal info about me:
I love Japan. I went there for a high school exchange year when I was 16 and I learned to speak Japanese. I love Japanese rock music and manga and anime.
I used to play drums and sing in a few bands.
I like to read and listen to audiobooks, mostly fantasy and detective stories, some literature.
I am a perfectionist.
I love animals, dogs most of all.
I studied International Relations and I'm currently learning how to code.
I have studied in Washington DC for a semester (at American University) my boyfriend is also American.
I am still learning to accept my diagnosis and I sometimes feel like I'm not normal enough for neurotypical people and not abnormal enough for autistic people.
Perhaps I should repost my question about the rocking in a different topic but it felt relevant to include in my introduction as it is one of my main problems.
Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope to hear from you all.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Welcome, @Izzy. I hope you find this forum as welcoming and useful as I have.

 

[tree]

 

[unperson]

Hi Izzy

 

[cnn]

Welcome, Viva Japan : )

 

[Jenisautistic]

hi Izzy I also stim like that a lot too sometimes without even noticing I also deal with anxiety but sometimes I stim even when I'm, not anxious

 

[WoodWorkingJoel]

I had a stim up until I was around 12, I used rock my head left to right epically when lying down and at night. I even did it in my sleep.
My family mocked me for it but it was when I went on a school trip and my classmates saw it. I was humiliatied and I worked really hard to stop after that. I eventually did and within a year it had stopped. I get the embarrassment aspect. Ultimately its harmless and you my not have any control over it. All I say is its a fairly normal thing for an aspire so most people on here will understand. Welcome to the forum.

 

[Tom]

Hi, animals are great and especially dogs!

Don't know what to do about the stimming. I have some, but not as problematic. It is of course very common with people on the spectrum. But I have never investigated its nature, causes and so forth. Have you tried online research on how to stop or change stimming patterns?

One uneducated suggestion maybe to try would be some relaxing backround music. I have used classical radio for 40 years. I especially like it for hobbies, but also will do it for chores, when on the computer, etc. Something about it seemed to help my mind focus but at the same time be soothed, or perhaps positively stimulated (mildly). Another sort of mellow or mood music might be similar. I would avoid death metal, etc, at least when you are trying to be in a relaxed state.

 

[onlything]

Hi there Izzy, welcome to the forum!

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome, I hope that you enjoy it here, people are friendly.

 

[Rasputin]

Hi everyone,
I'm Izzy, a 26 year old girl from the Netherlands.
I have struggled with high levels of stress since I was a kid but was never able to explain what was stressing me out.
One of the biggest problems for me growing up was my stimming behavior. I rock back and forth with my upper body when I'm stressed out. I used to do it in class but I got picked on so I learned to repress it in public.
I started having problems with panic attacks and anxiety when I was 21. I got diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder but the treatment didnt help me. Then I got diagnosed with autism about a year ago and the stimming behavior and some of the sources of my stress became more clear.
One of the reasons I did not get diagnosed earlier is that I do have pretty good social skills. I have a neurotypical twin sister so I think growing up with her I learned a lot from her.
I am still getting treatment from a psychologist but I feel like things aren't progressing much.
I would like to hear some people's experiences in dealing with stress and stimming because it is kind of out of control for me right now.
I rock every day, all day when I'm at home. I can't stop it when I start and it feels kind of like an addiction. I do it when I study but also when I try to do something I like doing. I get so perfectionist about wanting to do everything right that I can't enjoy many of my hobbies anymore. I had a herniated disc a few years ago and I get regular backaches still. I used to hate the rocking because I felt like I was crazy and weird for doing it. I still desperately try to hide it when I'm in public because I'm ashamed.

Some other personal info about me:
I love Japan. I went there for a high school exchange year when I was 16 and I learned to speak Japanese. I love Japanese rock music and manga and anime.
I used to play drums and sing in a few bands.
I like to read and listen to audiobooks, mostly fantasy and detective stories, some literature.
I am a perfectionist.
I love animals, dogs most of all.
I studied International Relations and I'm currently learning how to code.
I have studied in Washington DC for a semester (at American University) my boyfriend is also American.
I am still learning to accept my diagnosis and I sometimes feel like I'm not normal enough for neurotypical people and not abnormal enough for autistic people.
Perhaps I should repost my question about the rocking in a different topic but it felt relevant to include in my introduction as it is one of my main problems.
Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope to hear from you all.

Hi Izzy,

Those are all worthy accomplishments that you mentioned. The way I look at it you were worthy before your diagnosis, and nothing has changed. You are just aware possibly of some differences between you and most people. So welcome, relax, and make yourself at home.

 

[Len Huppe]

I am still learning to accept my diagnosis and I sometimes feel like I'm not normal enough for neurotypical people and not abnormal enough for autistic people.

Hi Izzy and welcome!

May I offer you some food for thought? Its not good to use the word "normal" when referring to ourselves or any other person. The reason is that everyone has a differing view in their mind of what the word normal actually means. More importantly, NTs may outnumber us Aspies but they do not outclass us. You are just as valuable to society as any NT out there. Please don't ever forget that.