Hi, I`m just getting to know the spectrum

[kenaij]

hi everyone,
Earlier today I already made a post with some information about myself but thought I might aswell introduce myself here.
Since I am both very new to all the information about the spectrum and about this forum.
At an early age I was always very quiet in school. During playtime I would not play very much and I would just sit next to the teacher thinking. At home I was completely different. I had a lot of energy and you could even say I was out of control. For my younger years this pretty much remained to be the case. After school, and later after work I usually went straight to my room to be in my own space.
This was put away a being introvert and maybe shy. I also had really bad skin during my early to late teen years which my parents felt was the main cause of how I behaved. I tried relationships but just as the relationships started to become serious I broke it off out of some sort of panic. I never could really explain why. Until at 23 I got to know my wife. With her everything just felt right from the start. There was never really a struggle. And my little perculier social things (zoning out in the middle of someones story for example because my thought drifted away about something they said) didn`t bother her. The only thing she never got used to was my lack of enthusiasm when she proposed a spontanious idea or when she told a story from work or something that only related to her. 10 - 11 years have passed now. 2 kids. Good job. But around 2 years ago the struggles started to become more serious. I just started to feel mentally tired all the time. Almost every social interaction feels so draining because I feel I have to play an act to complete the interaction. The only person I do not feel this way with is my wife. And my kids to a lesser degree. All other interactions I simply do not care about from a personal point of view. I can perform them. I can act them out. But I never feel te need to personally. I just do it for the people around me, because I think that is the norm they expect me to behave by.

During a conversation with my parents about my son, who I suspect is on the spectrum I found out my dad had been diagnosed to be autistic for about a year. It only came up in that conversation because I told them about them suspections related to my son.
After this I started doing a lot of research about both autism in kids and autism in adults. In case of adults, undiagnosed people in particular. During this research so much clicked. So much stuff I was so frustrated with about myself made sense. I never could understand why I simply could not enjoy the social stuff. Why I never learned for it to become easy for me. And finally I was told that it might not be something I could ever change. And that I might be an undiagnosed person that belongs somewhere on this great spectrum of amazing people. I relate most to the explanation of high functioning autism.
I have not made the step to get a diagnosis. Since it is very expensive in my country. But if I start to notice my son having more of the same struggles I did as a kid I do want to get him tested. And maybe, some day, I will officially be on the spectrum aswell. OR NOT, since all the online tests I did that told my there was a very big chance I am. Might just be wrong.

Sorry for any strange wordings or mistakes in grammer. I am not a native english speaker.
Thank you for reading my large wall of text.

 

[Alexej]

Hi @kenaij

What you wrote is very clear, thank you.

Welcome among us - and do join in the conversation when you feel like it

 

[Nitro]

 

[The Pandector]

Great post, @kenaij. Welcome.

It really does clear up a lot of confusion, right? With me, I understood about a very hard childhood, soon realizing my mother was autistic, and then recent events revealed my older brother is also.

Sounds like you’re off to a running start. Hope to see you around.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! Your English is at an excellent level and your post was very easy to understand.

I think it's perfectly fine that you don't seek a diagnosis if you don't actually need one - as long as you're aware of what you need to help you cope with daily living and work.

I relate a lot to your story of being someone who often kept to themself by default and being considered to be a quiet and shy kid, though of course the reality was that I was interested in interacting with others, but simply didn't know how.

Anyways, welcome to the community and best wishes on your journey.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Welcome.

 

[Rodafina]

Good to have you here. I hope you have been enjoying participating in the forum.

 

[kenaij]

I sure have @Rodafina . I have already learned very much so far

 

[Thinx]

Nice to meet you, welcome. Your post is really clear, great language skills, way better than I am in any language but English. Sounds like autism is running in your family, mine too I think. High functioning autism is not as rare as the figures suggest I think.

 

[AspieChris]

hi everyone,
Earlier today I already made a post with some information about myself but thought I might aswell introduce myself here.
Since I am both very new to all the information about the spectrum and about this forum.
At an early age I was always very quiet in school. During playtime I would not play very much and I would just sit next to the teacher thinking. At home I was completely different. I had a lot of energy and you could even say I was out of control. For my younger years this pretty much remained to be the case. After school, and later after work I usually went straight to my room to be in my own space.
This was put away a being introvert and maybe shy. I also had really bad skin during my early to late teen years which my parents felt was the main cause of how I behaved. I tried relationships but just as the relationships started to become serious I broke it off out of some sort of panic. I never could really explain why. Until at 23 I got to know my wife. With her everything just felt right from the start. There was never really a struggle. And my little perculier social things (zoning out in the middle of someones story for example because my thought drifted away about something they said) didn`t bother her. The only thing she never got used to was my lack of enthusiasm when she proposed a spontanious idea or when she told a story from work or something that only related to her. 10 - 11 years have passed now. 2 kids. Good job. But around 2 years ago the struggles started to become more serious. I just started to feel mentally tired all the time. Almost every social interaction feels so draining because I feel I have to play an act to complete the interaction. The only person I do not feel this way with is my wife. And my kids to a lesser degree. All other interactions I simply do not care about from a personal point of view. I can perform them. I can act them out. But I never feel te need to personally. I just do it for the people around me, because I think that is the norm they expect me to behave by.

During a conversation with my parents about my son, who I suspect is on the spectrum I found out my dad had been diagnosed to be autistic for about a year. It only came up in that conversation because I told them about them suspections related to my son.
After this I started doing a lot of research about both autism in kids and autism in adults. In case of adults, undiagnosed people in particular. During this research so much clicked. So much stuff I was so frustrated with about myself made sense. I never could understand why I simply could not enjoy the social stuff. Why I never learned for it to become easy for me. And finally I was told that it might not be something I could ever change. And that I might be an undiagnosed person that belongs somewhere on this great spectrum of amazing people. I relate most to the explanation of high functioning autism.
I have not made the step to get a diagnosis. Since it is very expensive in my country. But if I start to notice my son having more of the same struggles I did as a kid I do want to get him tested. And maybe, some day, I will officially be on the spectrum aswell. OR NOT, since all the online tests I did that told my there was a very big chance I am. Might just be wrong.

Sorry for any strange wordings or mistakes in grammer. I am not a native english speaker.
Thank you for reading my large wall of text.

Your story is nearly identical to mine. Wife , kids, career…. everything. I self-diagnosed in my 30’s and I have a son who is clearly the same as me. And my wife was the first person in my entire life who saw past the quirks and loved me for the good person on the inside (so I held onto her as tightly as I could and never let her go).

If you see this in your son, then you likely are the same. It’s often inherited and more likely to appear in males. Autism is often only seen by others when there is too much stimulus in the Autist person’s life and they crash. Barking dogs, airplanes flying overhead, honking horns, cell phones ringing, etc. In your father’s time there would have been less of all that, so he might have had less trouble adapting to the world. In your life there would have been more. In your child’s life there has ALWAYS been way too much. Today’s youth gets assaulted with sights, sounds, smells, etc, that become so overwhelming that they struggle to learn coping mechanisms because they’re in a constant state of panic.

It might be best for you to assume you’re on the spectrum. Then find out how the world has affected your life and what you could have done differently to make it easier when you were growing up. It will take you years to untangle the mess. But the best way to help your children is to fully comprehend what they’re facing. You might be the only person who can ever help your kids because probably already have the answers you’re looking for if you can separate the lies you grew up with from the reality you have always been living with.

Same as you, I collapse after work every day now. I carry 2 cell phones at work, drive a large truck, deal with city permits and federal regulations, and I’m convinced my boss is a psychopath. Every day feels like I’m standing in front of a firing squad and the bullets are flying by my head all day. I force myself to fit in, and that means I’m completely exhausted when I get home. Pretending to be ‘normal’ takes all of my energy… and more. And this has gotten harder every year (presumably because there’s more technology, louder cars, more boxes to check, etc…. and I’m more tired with each year I age)

Also… as you were told, there is no cure. It’s not a disease. There are strategies to be learned because we are significantly outnumbered, but those on the spectrum don’t need to be fixed. It’s a lot like saying a black man needs to bleach his skin to fit into a world full of white people. Autism isn’t anything necessarily to be proud of, but nobody should have to suffer just because they don’t fit in.

 

[kenaij]

Your story is nearly identical to mine. Wife , kids, career…. everything. I self-diagnosed in my 30’s and I have a son who is clearly the same as me. And my wife was the first person in my entire life who saw past the quirks and loved me for the good person on the inside (so I held onto her as tightly as I could and never let her go).

If you see this in your son, then you likely are the same. It’s often inherited and more likely to appear in males. Autism is often only seen by others when there is too much stimulus in the Autist person’s life and they crash. Barking dogs, airplanes flying overhead, honking horns, cell phones ringing, etc. In your father’s time there would have been less of all that, so he might have had less trouble adapting to the world. In your life there would have been more. In your child’s life there has ALWAYS been way too much. Today’s youth gets assaulted with sights, sounds, smells, etc, that become so overwhelming that they struggle to learn coping mechanisms because they’re in a constant state of panic.

It might be best for you to assume you’re on the spectrum. Then find out how the world has affected your life and what you could have done differently to make it easier when you were growing up. It will take you years to untangle the mess. But the best way to help your children is to fully comprehend what they’re facing. You might be the only person who can ever help your kids because probably already have the answers you’re looking for if you can separate the lies you grew up with from the reality you have always been living with.

Same as you, I collapse after work every day now. I carry 2 cell phones at work, drive a large truck, deal with city permits and federal regulations, and I’m convinced my boss is a psychopath. Every day feels like I’m standing in front of a firing squad and the bullets are flying by my head all day. I force myself to fit in, and that means I’m completely exhausted when I get home. Pretending to be ‘normal’ takes all of my energy… and more. And this has gotten harder every year (presumably because there’s more technology, louder cars, more boxes to check, etc…. and I’m more tired with each year I age)

Also… as you were told, there is no cure. It’s not a disease. There are strategies to be learned because we are significantly outnumbered, but those on the spectrum don’t need to be fixed. It’s a lot like saying a black man needs to bleach his skin to fit into a world full of white people. Autism isn’t anything necessarily to be proud of, but nobody should have to suffer just because they don’t fit in.

Thank you so much for this. Our stories do really feel so similar. And your explanation about how the world has changed with each of our generations really does make sense. I wish you and your family all the best.

 

[AspieChris]

Thank you so much for this. Our stories do really feel so similar. And your explanation about how the world has changed with each of our generations really does make sense. I wish you and your family all the best.

Yours as well.

It brings up a chicken vs egg question, probably for a new thread. Are the higher rates of Autism in the last couple of decades because of something like the rise in pesticides and hormones in our food causing changes in unborn fetuses, because of better understanding in the medical community leading to more folks getting a diagnosis, or because of things like LED lighting and the internet overstimulating us into a perpetual state of anxiety? Could be anything I guess but I do know from stories that my Grandfather was the same as me but he never had any meltdowns. I have quite a few meltdowns regularly. My son is in a constant state of fear and anxiety because he’s an Aspie also, worse than me.

Maybe I’ll start a new thread and see what people think.

 

[kenaij]

Yours as well.

It brings up a chicken vs egg question, probably for a new thread. Are the higher rates of Autism in the last couple of decades because of something like the rise in pesticides and hormones in our food causing changes in unborn fetuses, because of better understanding in the medical community leading to more folks getting a diagnosis, or because of things like LED lighting and the internet overstimulating us into a perpetual state of anxiety? Could be anything I guess but I do know from stories that my Grandfather was the same as me but he never had any meltdowns. I have quite a few meltdowns regularly. My son is in a constant state of fear and anxiety because he’s an Aspie also, worse than me.

Maybe I’ll start a new thread and see what people think.

I`m very sure it has a lot to do with our current society. I don`t think there are more autistic people on a percentage basis. But the reason more people get diagnosed is surely due to understanding and way more factors to overstimulate. The best example for me was the first corona lockdown in my country. All places were much quieter. I was at home much more. You were forced into social situations less. And you went to fewer places that could cause triggers.
If someone ever gave me the choice to go back to a certain place in time. It would probably be that time. The only thing that would hold that choice back was knowing the pain it caused so many other people. So it would be a pure selfish reason.