Hi! I want help but too scared to even know where to start.

[Samanthasmith]

Hello everyone! Ive wasted a good amount of time already trying to figure out what to say this is attempt #3.... I just curious if anyone has advice for me
I'm 20 turning 21 this year recently diagnosed earlier this year and yay I am grateful to have so many mysteries solved but where do I go from here..?

I'm grateful to live rent free with my mom I do everything I can to make up for it and always planned to be able to take care of myself. But its so easy for me to stay where I am I'm getting no progress other then having a a full year go by this september with no meltdown interrupting my 3 hr work day...

My family I'm pretty sure suffers the same so i think that's why were all stuck and basically me and my mom are just coping with the day to day life to just get by cause she doesn't want to set my twin brother off so instead of not letting him talk to us both like were garage or he's our parent "dont give me that additute" to the both of us! And she takes it all IT IS WHAT IT IS.....

This has lead to a huge mess between all of us all I can so is to try and survive this horrible hole and said that horrible hole is my safe place so there's no where to go! I just dont know what to say what to do who to go to I can't even talk to my mom anymore its almost been a year and again yay figured out what was wrong but boo damage already done and now I'm just sitting and being stuck and trying to keep my job..

I'm sorry and thank you if you read! Ive already almost given up on writing this I didnt want to forget anything so I dont think of the poncuations just the words cause I know it def didnt come out the way I wanted it to!

So I'm sorry you have to read my horrible writing skills! It's taken all morning and I'm really grateful to this site and the people who have shared. Also when I was around 1 I burned my hands on a metal plate while we were camping and my father had left us unsupervised to get himself a beer in the camper.... That left me and my mom in the hospital for 6months and her to physically hold me down and scrap my hands for whatever reason I cant fully put together. I think that could of contributed to it as well both my parents weren't very emotionally there for us ( my mom tried she really did and I want her back ...)

My twin brother was emotionally scarred i think from being away from my mom for such a long period of time and that lead to his resentment torwards me out of my whole life I never was directly bullied by anyone I bet there were comments but as long I don't hear them idc. The only person who did was my brother and as a child he was cruel and the biggest trouble maker when we were in elementary school he once when walking home told me if I told mom and dad he got in trouble at school he would tell everyone where rhe skin from my hand came from... ( which was my butt and today it no longer embarrasses me )

I had nightmares from as early as I could remember and the very first memory was my me waking and crying and my dad yelling at me to shut up and go to bed and i wasn't even 5 then and when my brother said that I still vividly remember that one nightmare I woke up hestercal and both those time my mom recused me...and now its just all a mess...

Im so losing track right now... Thank you if you read and hope it was at least entertaining! Haha

 

[tree]

 

[Tom]

Hi & Welcome,
I have had that happen to me so many times. Started writing something and not liked it and scrapped it. So much better to push thru and finish it. Which you did, so Bravo! As far as where do you go, I think it is not something others will know. That will be for you to decide. But people might help with suggestions of how to get there. I think you are already taking an important first step, which is assessing the situation realistically, and with the new knowledge of your own condition. One thing I will say is in no means think that being an Aspie = Failure. Its not true. Many here have in time figured out their goals and reached them. I think its likely harder for us, but determination can overcome that. Good work having a PT job btw. Thats a good step. Having a job is good, but it doesn't have to be any one particular one. So don't be afraid to shift jobs if the need arrises.

 

[Nitro]

Hi Samantha

 

[MrSpock]

Hi Samantha, welcome.

As has been mentioned it's pretty difficult for us to know what you ought to do with your life, or even your living situation. You have found a good place to learn about your autism here, and you may find emotional support too. Your situation sounds very difficult, but at least you're making some progress in some areas and it's not all bad.

It can be a very slow process to change your life to what you would like. Fortunately you have plenty of time and you're already on the path to do that, armed with knowledge. I hope things improve for you.