Hi, im new, Jonathan Lees, Leicester, UK, seeking support

[Jonathan Lees]

Hi, im a 19 year old Geology student living in Leicester. i have a formal diagnosis i am fairly well adapted to Asperger's and function well at university, i have friends (though not many) and i am fairly comfortable with my social life and most aspects of my life. the one thing i am still struggling with are relationships (they seem impossible), i have had them but they don't last very long and I've never really met anyone who meets my criteria for a long term partner (as im not into casual relationships and am only looking for long term serious relationships). any help and advice would be appreciated, questions i have include ways of meeting more people that are comfortable for an aspie (I've never really been comfortable with party's and bars etc.)?, do you think double aspie relationships work better? and any other advice would be appreciated.
i have a wide variety of interests from rocks, fossils, board games, videogames, meditation, long walks and hiking, indie and folk music, politics (im very left wing and liberal), alternative lifestyles, tattoos, comics and science fiction and fantasy books (i read far to much normally a book or two a week) and more.
message if you have advice or want to know anything more about me or simply are an aspie living in the uk close to Leicester as i wouldn't mind meeting up and making new aspie friends. or if you want advice/help from me as i am open and willing to give it if i can.

 

[Wab]

Nice to meet you Jonathan

 

[ancusmitis]

Welcome to the forums, Jonathan :3

 

[Jonathan Lees]

thanks for being welcoming

 

[Rocco]

Welcome aboard
I'm glad you joined this friendly
Community. I will share my opinion on the dating situation;
19 is somewhat young to be in the market for a long term relationship, and as such, finding a partner in your age range seeking the same thing may be exceedingly difficult. This is not to say that another such person is not out there, but to find one...
I know at age 34, I am a completely different person than I was at 19. I looked for the same thing at that age and I am so glad it never worked out for me. Life had other plans and adventures in store for me, that would not have been possible if in a LTR.
I for wish you success, good times, and happiness.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

hi Rocco thanks for your supportive comments and beautiful picture. it is difficult finding those of the same age who think the same about relationships. personally i find casual relationships stressful and difficult (to me its always serious, partly down to Asperger's). that being said im not worried and i know things will turn out ok eventually, im patient and im to be honest just happy that im doing so well considering the Asperger's.

 

[Myway]

Welcome, Jonathan. Hope to see you around here a lot. I am also in college, so good luck to you.

 

[Marmot]

19 is somewhat young to be in the market for a long term relationship,

I don't know about that.

Speaking only for myself: I've never been capable of viewing any relationship as if it were only going to be a short term one. (ie: I'm going to enter into a relationship with this person, but it's only going to be a stepping stone for me before I move on to something or someone better.....). In my mind, treating someone like that or viewing a relationship like that would be essentially using and/or exploiting that person and my conscience just wouldn't allow that to transpire.

Yes, you're going to grow / mature / evolve and be a different person when you're 38 than you are (or were) at 18, but when I was 18, I honestly and wholeheartedly believed that the girl I was dating would grow / mature / evolve with me and that we would still be together at 38-48-58......... years old.

At my present age of 39 years old with several long and short term relationships in my past, I can honestly say that I've never once (even the ones that didn't last long) entered into a relationship that I didn't think and believe would go all the way. -But maybe this means I'm just one of those stupid, illogical hopeless romantics.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

I don't know about that.
treating someone like that or viewing a relationship like that would be essentially using and/or exploiting that person and my conscience just wouldn't allow that to transpire.

thanks marmot and i totally agree.

i also just don't enjoy the early days of a relationship, the more serious and the more i know someone the easier for my Asperger's, therefor longer term relationships work better for me.

that being said i don't go into relationships expecting them to last forever i no they probably wont, its just that's what im ideally looking for.

 

[Jonathan Lees]

woops i forgot to move the end quote to after what you said (the first paragraph) the rest is mine.

 

[Harpagornis_X]

Welcome to the forums Jonathon. This place is a nice place to be too. You are likely to find out the help your looking for too.

 

[StephF]

Hi Jonathan, nice to meet you. The forums are a nice place with good peeps