Hi, I’m Rodafina

[Rodafina]

I started addictions counseling today (well, yesterday, I guess. I’m still up. Insomnia is still a thing, we didn’t resolve that yet )

It went really well. I have been to quite a few therapists and through different types of therapies over the years, but I have never found an addiction focused treatment that works for me. The therapist seems like a really good fit and he’s a living breathing example of living in sobriety after a long life without it.

Of course, I’m not really introducing myself and most of you probably know that I have a history of addiction and I am currently in some sort of recovery (I get really confused with people’s definitions of what that is). Nevertheless…

I am introducing myself here today as Rodafina - I feel proud when you all say my name; it was a name I gave to an invisible girl in a poem that I wrote when I was a small girl. I’ve always liked the name and I’ve used it when I can, but as such a private and reclusive person, few people in the world have seen it and fewer have said it.

Anyway, tackling addiction for real, in a new way with renewed effort feels really important right now. I partly got to this point because of my journey here through the forum.

Sadly, good and noble things are not enough to keep me sober. Even love and hope and life can lose their power against drugs for me. Autism, however gives me a whole new interest in sobriety.

Thinking about my life from an autistic lens, as many of us have discussed here, has given me a new understanding for the way I experience and process things. In my case, my use of drugs has always been to change what is happening in my mind & body because I hated it and misunderstood it so badly. Now, I begin to wonder.

The best psychiatrist I ever worked with imparted upon me the idea that in my most dire moments, curiosity could save me. Learning and knowing and understanding is great medicine for me.

I’ll share that I have had a recent foray back into taking a good amount of drugs and it fully reminds me that I cannot understand myself and talk to y’all and learn about my brain without some level of sobriety. And so, a brand new motivation is born. One that I have been seeking for over 20 years.

So, yeah, new day… Hello world, I am Rodafina, fumbling my way through life, ready for a new and curious quest through my time left alive.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I'm proud of you.

 

[Raggamuffin]

What drug of choice?

I've had an on/off relationship with weed since I was 18 (36 now). Dabbled with party drugs and others in my early 20's. In recent months I've had access to mushrooms and micro-dose with them now and then.

Are you on any prescription meds?

Ed

 

[Billthecat]

Benvenuta

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Hello, @Rodafina . I wish you success in your journey. I hope I understand how using drugs/alcohol is seductive in escaping from hurt or confusion. I've seen how those jolts to the brain can modify thinking and make one vulnerable. Coming out of my isolation, I was using and was nearly taken advantage of by a woman, a bagman for the IRA who was looking for a father for her daughter with another on the way (not mine). After years of feeling neglected, and having attention when drugs affected my critical thinking, I nearly made some bad decisions.

Now with legalization, I use ocassionally when I am wanting to feel free to remember things as an adjunct to my therapy. It seems to allow me to tap into my feelings. Happy to let my mind wander at times, but I do not depend on it.

 

[Aspychata]

In my lifetime, l have seen some very serious addictions happen to people l know. My one friend lost his condo because of weed. His brother was a dealer. Another friend lost her ability to navigate life and totally changed. Another friend was hooked on heroin. Then l worked at a liquor store and saw addicted men living in the area that needed their fix. Life taps me on the shoulder and reminds me to police my addictive nature. Like l allow myself certain addictions like coffee, or if l put a extra hour at the gym. I have filtered thru credit card debit, another addiction. Finally l just accept that l make poor choices when l feel out of control in my life.

But congrats on attempting to change your ways of thought and tackling that addicted nature that l wonder is part of being autistic? Addiction is a battle, and l think just switching to healthy addictions is sorta of my go-to. I accept my addictive nature and just learn to walk with it. But that probably doesn't make sense to conventional thinking.

Thank you for sharing this realization and we all here hope and wish you continued success with treatment.

 

[Rodafina]

I feel so listened to and it’s a little overwhelming, but an awesome feeling.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you so much. We are each carrying different types of weights down these thorny paths that we walk, and I appreciate that you can share pride in how I am carrying mine even when you and others carry their own, too.

What drug of choice?

I've had an on/off relationship with weed since I was 18 (36 now). Dabbled with party drugs and others in my early 20's. In recent months I've had access to mushrooms and micro-dose with them now and then.
Are you on any prescription meds?
Ed

Opiates and after 10 years of that, anything I could find to fill the hole it left.

My goal is to have a regular and moderated does of lexapro and thc.

Benvenuta

As always, in with an apt video that is very much
appreciated. Grazie dal profondo del mio cuore.

Hello, @Rodafina . I wish you success in your journey. I hope I understand how using drugs/alcohol is seductive in escaping from hurt or confusion. I've seen how those jolts to the brain can modify thinking and make one vulnerable. Coming out of my isolation, I was using and was nearly taken advantage of by a woman, a bagman for the IRA who was looking for a father for her daughter with another on the way (not mine). After years of feeling neglected, and having attention when drugs affected my critical thinking, I nearly made some bad decisions.

Now with legalization, I use ocassionally when I am wanting to feel free to remember things as an adjunct to my therapy. It seems to allow me to tap into my feelings. Happy to let my mind wander at times, but I do not depend on it.

@Gerald Wilgus, please write a book. Your stories and your journey through them are just so dang interesting… And useful to to those of us looking for a strong role model.

In my lifetime, l have seen some very serious addictions happen to people l know. My one friend lost his condo because of weed. His brother was a dealer. Another friend lost her ability to navigate life and totally changed. Another friend was hooked on heroin. Then l worked at a liquor store and saw addicted men living in the area that needed their fix. Life taps me on the shoulder and reminds me to police my addictive nature. Like l allow myself certain addictions like coffee, or if l put a extra hour at the gym. I have filtered thru credit card debit, another addiction. Finally l just accept that l make poor choices when l feel out of control in my life.

But congrats on attempting to change your ways of thought and tackling that addicted nature that l wonder is part of being autistic? Addiction is a battle, and l think just switching to healthy addictions is sorta of my go-to. I accept my addictive nature and just learn to walk with it. But that probably doesn't make sense to conventional thinking.

Thank you for sharing this realization and we all here hope and wish you continued success with treatment.

There are so many different types of addiction, yes! Thus, the approach of really dealing with the root of it, wherever those roots have gone to deep deep within my brain. Thank you for your support and caring.

 

[Billthecat]

È un onore poter salutare una nuova fase della tua vita, auguri, fatti col cuore!

Spoiler

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Your stories and your journey through them are just so dang interesting… And useful to to those of us looking for a strong role model.

Thank you @Rodafina . From all that you have written, you have insights that I do not have. I value what you say. That is why I wish you all the best. We each, everyone here, has had to make hard progress through difficulties. Here is Hemmingway; "The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry."

I have finally decided to help where I could and have applied to be a big brother. I have my phone interview on Friday and am both elated and worried. Elated that I may be a positive influence in a young person's life and worried that I will not be up to the task. I guess that this is once again stretching my boundaries. The psychologist who has helped me with PTSD is going to assist me in navigating through this. I have done work with kids in Earth Science classes and enjoyed it tremendously.

 

[Rodafina]

I have finally decided to help where I could and have applied to be a big brother. I have my phone interview on Friday and am both elated and worried. Elated that I may be a positive influence in a young person's life and worried that I will not be up to the task. I guess that this is once again stretching my boundaries. The psychologist who has helped me with PTSD is going to assist me in navigating through this. I have done work with kids in Earth Science classes and enjoyed it tremendously.

Hooray, hurrah!
This is wonderful news.
I know you will bring your strengths and powerful insights to people who really need it, as you do here, by just being yourself.

 

[mysterionz]

Nice to meet you. I’m Erika. ^_^

 

[Thinx]

Sounds great that you are feeling up to tackling this. I had a long time where I understood myself to be using alcohol as a friend, in the absence of ability to cope with much social engagement. I decided it was ok because it wasn't super excessive. But I got to a place where I could tackle it. Same as you, through having some support. I am glad I moved on from it, in the end it was a habit I could change, with help.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I’m glad to hear it Rodafina. I hope the best for you.

 

[Todd]

I started addictions counseling today (well, yesterday, I guess. I’m still up. Insomnia is still a thing, we didn’t resolve that yet )

It went really well. I have been to quite a few therapists and through different types of therapies over the years, but I have never found an addiction focused treatment that works for me. The therapist seems like a really good fit and he’s a living breathing example of living in sobriety after a long life without it.

Of course, I’m not really introducing myself and most of you probably know that I have a history of addiction and I am currently in some sort of recovery (I get really confused with people’s definitions of what that is). Nevertheless…

I am introducing myself here today as Rodafina - I feel proud when you all say my name; it was a name I gave to an invisible girl in a poem that I wrote when I was a small girl. I’ve always liked the name and I’ve used it when I can, but as such a private and reclusive person, few people in the world have seen it and fewer have said it.

Anyway, tackling addiction for real, in a new way with renewed effort feels really important right now. I partly got to this point because of my journey here through the forum.

Sadly, good and noble things are not enough to keep me sober. Even love and hope and life can lose their power against drugs for me. Autism, however gives me a whole new interest in sobriety.

Thinking about my life from an autistic lens, as many of us have discussed here, has given me a new understanding for the way I experience and process things. In my case, my use of drugs has always been to change what is happening in my mind & body because I hated it and misunderstood it so badly. Now, I begin to wonder.

The best psychiatrist I ever worked with imparted upon me the idea that in my most dire moments, curiosity could save me. Learning and knowing and understanding is great medicine for me.

I’ll share that I have had a recent foray back into taking a good amount of drugs and it fully reminds me that I cannot understand myself and talk to y’all and learn about my brain without some level of sobriety. And so, a brand new motivation is born. One that I have been seeking for over 20 years.

So, yeah, new day… Hello world, I am Rodafina, fumbling my way through life, ready for a new and curious quest through my time left alive.

View attachment 87066

This is a remarkable post. Hi Rodafina Your words reach out to me here, as they aptly describe my deal with drugs and addiction. I'm so happy for you to have realised your misunderstanding re sobriety and to have found a renewed interest, as you put it. I once 'knew', 100% & irrevocably, that I could never possibly be happy, that sobriety meant pain, and that death by substance abuse was unavoidable(& couldn't come quick enough at times).
These days, I have a wonderful job that includes public speaking and all things night-sky, a wonderful partner and two small children, and while I still enjoy the odd smoke or beer I am no longer afraid of sobriety.
Good on you RODAFINA!!

I started addictions counseling today (well, yesterday, I guess. I’m still up. Insomnia is still a thing, we didn’t resolve that yet )

It went really well. I have been to quite a few therapists and through different types of therapies over the years, but I have never found an addiction focused treatment that works for me. The therapist seems like a really good fit and he’s a living breathing example of living in sobriety after a long life without it.

Of course, I’m not really introducing myself and most of you probably know that I have a history of addiction and I am currently in some sort of recovery (I get really confused with people’s definitions of what that is). Nevertheless…

I am introducing myself here today as Rodafina - I feel proud when you all say my name; it was a name I gave to an invisible girl in a poem that I wrote when I was a small girl. I’ve always liked the name and I’ve used it when I can, but as such a private and reclusive person, few people in the world have seen it and fewer have said it.

Anyway, tackling addiction for real, in a new way with renewed effort feels really important right now. I partly got to this point because of my journey here through the forum.

Sadly, good and noble things are not enough to keep me sober. Even love and hope and life can lose their power against drugs for me. Autism, however gives me a whole new interest in sobriety.

Thinking about my life from an autistic lens, as many of us have discussed here, has given me a new understanding for the way I experience and process things. In my case, my use of drugs has always been to change what is happening in my mind & body because I hated it and misunderstood it so badly. Now, I begin to wonder.

The best psychiatrist I ever worked with imparted upon me the idea that in my most dire moments, curiosity could save me. Learning and knowing and understanding is great medicine for me.

I’ll share that I have had a recent foray back into taking a good amount of drugs and it fully reminds me that I cannot understand myself and talk to y’all and learn about my brain without some level of sobriety. And so, a brand new motivation is born. One that I have been seeking for over 20 years.

So, yeah, new day… Hello world, I am Rodafina, fumbling my way through life, ready for a new and curious quest through my time left alive.

View attachment 87066

 

[SusanLR]

@Rodafina
You are always welcome here.
Congrats over and over on finding your goal.
May your days left on this planet be many and as my favourite alien would say:
Live long and prosper!

 

[Misery]

I’ve always liked the name and I’ve used it when I can, but as such a private and reclusive person, few people in the world have seen it and fewer have said it.

Well now, Rodafina, it seems you can get lots of use out of it in this place, eh? Maybe you can get used to the idea of using it more often in general.

It's nice to hear people refer to you by a name you really like, aint it? I'm discovering that myself lately, too.

Also it's great to hear that you're making progress against the whole drug thing. I've never been addicted to drugs (unless caffeine counts), but... from what I understand, it's VERY rough. Very difficult to escape.

I think you can do it though. Always tell yourself that you can do it, that you've got what it takes. Belief is strong. And belief in yourself is gonna help a lot. Not that it'll be easy, but still. It will help. You can do it.

Also if you ever need someone to talk to, if you're having a bad time, feel free to message me or something, always willing to help.

 

[Rodafina]

Well now, Rodafina, it seems you can get lots of use out of it in this place, eh? Maybe you can get used to the idea of using it more often in general.

It's nice to hear people refer to you by a name you really like, aint it? I'm discovering that myself lately, too.

Also it's great to hear that you're making progress against the whole drug thing. I've never been addicted to drugs (unless caffeine counts), but... from what I understand, it's VERY rough. Very difficult to escape.

I think you can do it though. Always tell yourself that you can do it, that you've got what it takes. Belief is strong. And belief in yourself is gonna help a lot. Not that it'll be easy, but still. It will help. You can do it.

Also if you ever need someone to talk to, if you're having a bad time, feel free to message me or something, always willing to help.

This place is great. The only thing that you all are missing from the Real Rodafina is my usual prolific use of swear words.

As I said to billthecat, in Italian, to all of you in whatever language you speak or hear or understand, from the bottom of my heart I thank you.


And for any curious kindred spirits out there…

 

[Isadoorian]

Hi, and Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

 

[Duna]

I am introducing myself here today as Rodafina - I feel proud when you all say my name; it was a name I gave to an invisible girl in a poem that I wrote when I was a small girl.

I LOVE the name!
And your profile pic as well, despite of the colors (to me, brown is nice only in nature).
I also like what you wrote and the way you approach things.
Glad you're sharing all of it.
And no, I'm not a groupie kind of person and I won't stalk you

 

[Tom]

You have been a thoughtful contributer and welcome addition to our nebulus community.

You shouldn't feel alone as I would guess virtually all of us have had struggles thoughout our lives. Both victories (perhaps) and defeats (virually all of us). And I personally do not think the struggle ever ends, or at least I believe it would be very rare indeed. I think It is part of the autistic life. Many have turned to drugs or drinking as a coping mechinism or self medication. Myself I never have been able to stop nicotine except for short periods. But as new things come out some changes are possible. For me it is e-cigs. In the short run it feels much better. Whether that is so long term remains to be seen. Sometimes 'total victory' isn't possible. But that doesn't mean smaller improvements aren't possible and that they don't matter.