e79243
high functioning
Hello,
I am 50 and live in Austin, TX. I just now figured out what I have. I was so neglected as a child by parents they never knew I was missing milestones. They only thought I make bad grades and did not know why. They gave me an IQ test and even more testing. I am sure the results were she has ADD. I was put in schools with Special Education classes. When I got older I just went to normal school but made all F's each year. I thought growing up I was depressed, had Borderline Personality and ADHD until much later in life when I finally looked up Autism. I know I have this. I do not want to get formally diagnosed yet. If I do I feel I could lose my 13 year old child I support and lose my job. I feel like you get majorly judged when you have this. They treat you like you have an IQ of 10 and mentally ill. I cannot even tell my own family I have this just yet. They already think I talk about negative things and this will just be another negative thing. My dad was very old when he had me. I hear this could be a cause too of autism. I cannot believe I have 3 other siblings that are not affected with this like I am. Why me out of 4 kids has this? So what I suffer from in day to day is stone faced, no emotion good or bad and if anyone comes to talk to me it takes longer than most for me to respond and they wonder why I do this. Why does it take me so long to respond. I also have to process what they just said to me so I look away to process and they find it strange too. Oh well, that is the only way I can really understand and process what they just said. I communicate best by email only. Well you cannot live in the work world like that. I have been fired from more jobs than you can count. I have lost more friends than you can count. They call it drama when I constantly get fired and they are always trying to figure out why am I fired all the time. I am fired all the time because I am the "creepy one" , the "very strange one" in the office. Everyone tries to figure me out. What is wrong with her? They cannot diagnose me. They all say I am not confident. I do not try anymore to help them figure me out. I will not tell anyone what I have. They can just keep calling me depressed and no confidence is their diagnosis. I know it is Autistic. Each evaluation I get year to year from my boss is she has lack of confidence. Well it will never be fixed boss because that is not what I have. One boss even asked me what kind of medication am I on? What is wrong with you? In so many words. I never answered their question. I want to post on Facebook if there is anyone strange in your office that you cannot figure them out 9 times out of 10 they have High Functioning Autism. I am very jealous of people that have friends and relationships. I am so jealous they have fun after work and on weekends. My life is much different. I cannot believe I cannot buy one product unless there is only 3 things to do to get it working. I cannot believe I cannot read fast. I cannot believe I get lost all the time. I cannot believe I lived in this city 18 years and still cannot find my way around town. I cannot see at night to drive because all the lights at night overload my brain. I cannot remember any names at the office to introduce the new people to that I have been working with for years. I cannot type fast because that is thinking fast. I cannot think fast. I cannot remember a lot about my childhood that everyone I know can remember. I cannot laugh at jokes and people being silly so they walk away feeling odd that they just said something so funny but I could not courtesy laugh. I have more people come up to me all the time and say "smile" . It gets so old. That is why we like to avoid people because we are so tired of faking what you are supposed to act like all the time. You get tired of the "acting". I have many, many learned behaviors of what I am supposed to say in a given situation. I used to get 4 W-2's a year. Finally when I quit talking to people and reacting to people I have kept this job for 3 years but my boss is always in HR talking about me. She cannot figure me out and feels very uncomfortable around me. There is no doubt. I watch her small talk with everyone but me. She also tries to avoid looking at me. I thought I was supposed to do that to her why is she doing that to me? So just another person that feels strange around me. One at work bullies me. She is very bothered I never smile or react on point so she bullies me. Very hard to ignore but I have to keep this job. That is my story ...
I am 50 and live in Austin, TX. I just now figured out what I have. I was so neglected as a child by parents they never knew I was missing milestones. They only thought I make bad grades and did not know why. They gave me an IQ test and even more testing. I am sure the results were she has ADD. I was put in schools with Special Education classes. When I got older I just went to normal school but made all F's each year. I thought growing up I was depressed, had Borderline Personality and ADHD until much later in life when I finally looked up Autism. I know I have this. I do not want to get formally diagnosed yet. If I do I feel I could lose my 13 year old child I support and lose my job. I feel like you get majorly judged when you have this. They treat you like you have an IQ of 10 and mentally ill. I cannot even tell my own family I have this just yet. They already think I talk about negative things and this will just be another negative thing. My dad was very old when he had me. I hear this could be a cause too of autism. I cannot believe I have 3 other siblings that are not affected with this like I am. Why me out of 4 kids has this? So what I suffer from in day to day is stone faced, no emotion good or bad and if anyone comes to talk to me it takes longer than most for me to respond and they wonder why I do this. Why does it take me so long to respond. I also have to process what they just said to me so I look away to process and they find it strange too. Oh well, that is the only way I can really understand and process what they just said. I communicate best by email only. Well you cannot live in the work world like that. I have been fired from more jobs than you can count. I have lost more friends than you can count. They call it drama when I constantly get fired and they are always trying to figure out why am I fired all the time. I am fired all the time because I am the "creepy one" , the "very strange one" in the office. Everyone tries to figure me out. What is wrong with her? They cannot diagnose me. They all say I am not confident. I do not try anymore to help them figure me out. I will not tell anyone what I have. They can just keep calling me depressed and no confidence is their diagnosis. I know it is Autistic. Each evaluation I get year to year from my boss is she has lack of confidence. Well it will never be fixed boss because that is not what I have. One boss even asked me what kind of medication am I on? What is wrong with you? In so many words. I never answered their question. I want to post on Facebook if there is anyone strange in your office that you cannot figure them out 9 times out of 10 they have High Functioning Autism. I am very jealous of people that have friends and relationships. I am so jealous they have fun after work and on weekends. My life is much different. I cannot believe I cannot buy one product unless there is only 3 things to do to get it working. I cannot believe I cannot read fast. I cannot believe I get lost all the time. I cannot believe I lived in this city 18 years and still cannot find my way around town. I cannot see at night to drive because all the lights at night overload my brain. I cannot remember any names at the office to introduce the new people to that I have been working with for years. I cannot type fast because that is thinking fast. I cannot think fast. I cannot remember a lot about my childhood that everyone I know can remember. I cannot laugh at jokes and people being silly so they walk away feeling odd that they just said something so funny but I could not courtesy laugh. I have more people come up to me all the time and say "smile" . It gets so old. That is why we like to avoid people because we are so tired of faking what you are supposed to act like all the time. You get tired of the "acting". I have many, many learned behaviors of what I am supposed to say in a given situation. I used to get 4 W-2's a year. Finally when I quit talking to people and reacting to people I have kept this job for 3 years but my boss is always in HR talking about me. She cannot figure me out and feels very uncomfortable around me. There is no doubt. I watch her small talk with everyone but me. She also tries to avoid looking at me. I thought I was supposed to do that to her why is she doing that to me? So just another person that feels strange around me. One at work bullies me. She is very bothered I never smile or react on point so she bullies me. Very hard to ignore but I have to keep this job. That is my story ...
