HI, Parent trying not to run away! or Become an alcoholic!

[WWellen]

I am 17 years into the world of ASD and for the most part it has all gotten better. My son has made so many improvements and we are proud of the progress he has made. The only hurdle we can't seem to master is the relationship with his 18 year old brother. So much aggression and anger, they can hardly be alone together. Just looking for support or suggestions. It's rough at times!

 

[Steph06]

Welcome! And thanks for not running away. Take it from an ASD kid whose parents did run away, I know we can be difficult as all hell but we really need you

 

[Warwick C]

I am not sure how to help I have not been close to my younger brother, and was only diagnosed last year.

Steph06 I like how you put it so kind of you.

 

[Vanilla]

Welcome

Hmm...perhaps if you could better describe the situation within a clear context, it might be easier for others to see where they may be able to help you.

 

[WWellen]

My son who is high functioning can't get along at all with his NT brother. Today he physically attacked him. He is extremely over sensitive to any noise or sound he makes. If he laughs he thinks he is laughing at him. He doesn't trust him. My other son is 18 and admits to doing annoying things on purpose sometimes so that doesn't help. It's a very stressful situation for the 18 year old and for poor old mom and dad. Thanks for your support !

Welcome

Hmm...perhaps if you could better describe the situation within a clear context, it might be easier for others to see where they may be able to help you.[/QUOT

 

[WWellen]

Welcome! And thanks for not running away. Take it from an ASD kid whose parents did run away, I know we can be difficult as all hell but we really need you

Oh I'm here for the duration - I won't run away but I will be drinking some wine!

 

[Vanilla]

My son who is high functioning can't get along at all with his NT brother. Today he physically attacked him. He is extremely over sensitive to any noise or sound he makes. If he laughs he thinks he is laughing at him. He doesn't trust him. My other son is 18 and admits to doing annoying things on purpose sometimes so that doesn't help. It's a very stressful situation for the 18 year old and for poor old mom and dad. Thanks for your support !

Hmm...it sounds quite serious if he's physically attacking your other son. If your efforts to keep the peace are falling on deaf ears, it sounds like you may need to find the help of a professional in this case; either that, or keep the two separated. If your NT son is purposefully aggravating him, then it's probably not going to end well for anyone.

 

[Turk]

Hi WWellen, and welcome,
Brothers can be a handful at the best of times, let alone, when one has AS. Is your 18 yr old fully aware what effects these things, have on his brother. Trust is such a difficult thing for a young Aspie to offer, let alone if someone is abusing that trust. Hopefully we can help you through this difficult time.
Cheers
Turk

 

[WWellen]

Hi WWellen, and welcome,
Brothers can be a handful at the best of times, let alone, when one has AS. Is your 18 yr old fully aware what effects these things, have on his brother. Trust is such a difficult thing for a young Aspie to offer, let alone if someone is abusing that trust. Hopefully we can help you through this difficult time.
Cheers
Turk

The 18 YO is aware but is NOT aware if you know what I mean. He won't accept the fact that Jason's thought process is not what we consider normal. Austin (the 18 yo) wants to act like there is nothing different about his brother. You know know typical brothers or even friends will joke with each other even insult each other for fun and there's a give an take and you laugh it off, well Austin wants to do that but Jason is too literal and untrusting so that makes him very angry.. He goes from 1 to 10 immediately. I get multiple phone calls in the afternoon when they are both home because Austin made a noise, or picked his nose, or talked baby talk to the dog. It's very stressful. We have had talk after talk but it's like trying to explain the color red to a blind person. At this point I feel like the solution is total immersion, as in, making them practice conversations, forcing them to spend time together so that trust can build. I know that both of them are sad because they were given the gift of a brother but it's as if they are both an only child.

 

[Timmy1]

Hi,

Regarding the running away or taking to the drink/drugs;

Stress => A highly cause of addiction ....
So, what you will need to do instead of having the stress use drugs and more 'fear', take control of the stress you are having and use that stress for hobbies,friends,family,etc (try an extreme sport even)...

 

[WWellen]

Hi,

Regarding the running away or taking to the drink/drugs;

Stress => A highly cause of addiction ....
So, what you will need to do instead of having the stress use drugs and more 'fear', take control of the stress you are having and use that stress for hobbies,friends,family,etc (try an extreme sport even)...

Good advice Timmy1 - actually I do power kick boxing 4 times a week! I am joking about the use of wine, however I do drink, just not in excess. I try to make light of my situation, joking around is my coping mechanism.

 

[Judge]

The 18 YO is aware but is NOT aware if you know what I mean. He won't accept the fact that Jason's thought process is not what we consider normal.

In your son's case I'd probably chalk most of this up to a level of maturity- or lack thereof to be more precise. At that age I had a very tough time avoiding arguments with my father. He was a cardiac care patient, and anger was incredibly toxic to him. I had no frame of reference for his condition and did a poor job of avoiding needless arguments which annoyed me and made my father physically ill. I just didn't get it.

It took about two years to grow up some in this area...and eventually I began to understand how important it was for me to deal with my father in a certain way. It allowed me another two years where we really began to bond, before his condition fatally caught up with him.

I can only hope that at some point your son will eventually come around to understand that his brother is somewhat "different". However I also recognize that for many of us we may never be able to truly or fully relate to the neurological gap between NTs and Aspies no matter what age we are.

 

[Salmongirl17]

That's kind of confusing, the way you put it. It's your son with aspergers, right?

Anyways, welcome!

 

[Tarragon]

I don't know what to say about the brother bit, as I was an only child, except he needs to stop aggravating him. It sounds like its gotten out of hand, and it isn't a bad reflection on you, but have you thought about professional help? Maybe the older brother needs help dealing with his own feelings about this? I don't know, maybe it's just a teenage thing too...

Hmmmm, I think I haven't said anything useful at all there, sorry!! But, welcome to AC, and I hope you like it here
,

 

[WWellen]

In your son's case I'd probably chalk most of this up to a level of maturity- or lack thereof to be more precise. At that age I had a very tough time avoiding arguments with my father. He was a cardiac care patient, and anger was incredibly toxic to him. I had no frame of reference for his condition and did a poor job of avoiding needless arguments which annoyed me and made my father physically ill. I just didn't get it.

It took about two years to grow up some in this area...and eventually I began to understand how important it was for me to deal with my father in a certain way. It allowed me another two years where we really began to bond, before his condition fatally caught up with him.

I can only hope that at some point your son will eventually come around to understand that his brother is somewhat "different". However I also recognize that for many of us we may never be able to truly or fully relate to the neurological gap between NTs and Aspies no matter what age we are.

I am hoping with maturity on both of their parts that it will get better. My hope and prayer is for them to be best friends one day or at the very least be able to spend time together without killing each other.

 

[WWellen]

I don't know what to say about the brother bit, as I was an only child, except he needs to stop aggravating him. It sounds like its gotten out of hand, and it isn't a bad reflection on you, but have you thought about professional help? Maybe the older brother needs help dealing with his own feelings about this? I don't know, maybe it's just a teenage thing too...

Hmmmm, I think I haven't said anything useful at all there, sorry!! But, welcome to AC, and I hope you like it here
,

You are right I think the older brother could benefit greatly with some professional help! But he refuses and we haven't pressed it. He is in college and hopefully in about 3 years he will be out and have his own life and maybe then the relationship will improve. Thanks!

 

[WWellen]

That's kind of confusing, the way you put it. It's your son with aspergers, right?

Anyways, welcome!

sorry, the 17 yo Jason is PDD NOS, we say he's high functioning Autistic the 18 yo Austin is "typical"

 

[Salmongirl17]

sorry, the 17 yo Jason is PDD NOS, we say he's high functioning Autistic the 18 yo Austin is "typical"

Ooooh ok

 

[HaleyMeadows97]

Im 17 and my sister is 14 and we often fight to point that it becomes physically violent. I still love her and Im sure your son loves his brother too. But sibling squables are natural and then when you throw a disorder into the mix hell breaks lose. Although ive never come to a solution, I only hope itll get better with time and age.