So, I don't really know how to correctly explain this, but some additional opinions on my case would be very helpful.
I am a 17 years old NT girl, my bf is 22 and has Aspergers. We met via internet and have been best friends for more than a year now, a couple months flirting and stuff and over 3 weeks as an official relationship. It seems like a very short time, but we connected wonderfully, so great, that few months later we met we had a really deep level of closeness and talked every day without getting tired, and he told me he was in love with me. That declaration shocked me because I was not thinking in him as a romantic interest, not because of his aspergers (which was absolutely new to me) but because we are from different locations (about 8 hours away) and never seen each other in person. I was the kind of people who thought that long distance relationships don't work and that a physical aspect was needed to truly love someone, so I told him that and for what seemed a very long time I rejected any idea of considering envolving myself in a situation like that with him even knowing that he was the greatest person I've ever met. We tried to separate in different ocasions in order to not hurt his feelings for not being romantically with me, but we always came back talking (he is basically my only friend and he didn't like interacting with other people very much).
That, plus his personal problems, detonated a series of conflicts between us that wont let us work well. He had a progressive relapse on depression, anxiety and low self-steem, making him go from the sweet, gentle, funny guy I knew to an insecure, jealous, kind of rude person. Even though, because of his insisting attitude (and the bad things were not that bad at the moment) I dissapeared my prejuices and decided to give him a chance dating, he couldn't be happier and I found out I was repressing myself cause I really liked him and the way he treated me as a queen. As the whole autistic spectrum was new to me, I unfortunately made many mistakes that for me seemed unsignificant but hurt him a lot (like going out the same day we made plans to watch a movie together or doing other activities while we chatted) and those mistakes made the effect of a snowball running down a hill getting bigger and bigger, to the point he started feeling resentment towards me because he thinks everything he does goes out wrong while my life is full of commodities and easy ways (I live with my parents who pay me bakery and confectionery school) so now he just hates every time I mention anything good that comes so "easy" for me.
I have tried to make most of things he has asked me to help to fix things even if I didn't agree with it, like sending captures of my conversations, not accepting social invitations and regulating my treatment with people so that the special way would be kept just for him, saying that otherwise I would lose him because of all the pain I caused him with those earlier mistakes. Many times I asked myself if it is really worth it, at first I thought it was guilt what guided me, but when I think about going apart I start crying and feel very bad. In all this process I have become a bit insecure too, and haven't stopped to fall in what he assures are other mistakes because of not being sure what to do next or how would he respond due to the mixed pathologies. I believe I do love him and really want to help him get better and out of that awful state, but the treatment he gives me right after I screw up makes me wanna run away, and he seriously wants me to fix this and keep growing together. Apart from this, he moved recently to the country next to us to search for a more stable economic state and a better life, what makes us even more distanced, and even thought I'm planning to leave this place too I don't know how much time it will take and if I am willing to keep giving it all till we can meet in person. Thanks for reading it all and I will appreciate if you have any question and/or advice.
I am a 17 years old NT girl, my bf is 22 and has Aspergers. We met via internet and have been best friends for more than a year now, a couple months flirting and stuff and over 3 weeks as an official relationship. It seems like a very short time, but we connected wonderfully, so great, that few months later we met we had a really deep level of closeness and talked every day without getting tired, and he told me he was in love with me. That declaration shocked me because I was not thinking in him as a romantic interest, not because of his aspergers (which was absolutely new to me) but because we are from different locations (about 8 hours away) and never seen each other in person. I was the kind of people who thought that long distance relationships don't work and that a physical aspect was needed to truly love someone, so I told him that and for what seemed a very long time I rejected any idea of considering envolving myself in a situation like that with him even knowing that he was the greatest person I've ever met. We tried to separate in different ocasions in order to not hurt his feelings for not being romantically with me, but we always came back talking (he is basically my only friend and he didn't like interacting with other people very much).
That, plus his personal problems, detonated a series of conflicts between us that wont let us work well. He had a progressive relapse on depression, anxiety and low self-steem, making him go from the sweet, gentle, funny guy I knew to an insecure, jealous, kind of rude person. Even though, because of his insisting attitude (and the bad things were not that bad at the moment) I dissapeared my prejuices and decided to give him a chance dating, he couldn't be happier and I found out I was repressing myself cause I really liked him and the way he treated me as a queen. As the whole autistic spectrum was new to me, I unfortunately made many mistakes that for me seemed unsignificant but hurt him a lot (like going out the same day we made plans to watch a movie together or doing other activities while we chatted) and those mistakes made the effect of a snowball running down a hill getting bigger and bigger, to the point he started feeling resentment towards me because he thinks everything he does goes out wrong while my life is full of commodities and easy ways (I live with my parents who pay me bakery and confectionery school) so now he just hates every time I mention anything good that comes so "easy" for me.
I have tried to make most of things he has asked me to help to fix things even if I didn't agree with it, like sending captures of my conversations, not accepting social invitations and regulating my treatment with people so that the special way would be kept just for him, saying that otherwise I would lose him because of all the pain I caused him with those earlier mistakes. Many times I asked myself if it is really worth it, at first I thought it was guilt what guided me, but when I think about going apart I start crying and feel very bad. In all this process I have become a bit insecure too, and haven't stopped to fall in what he assures are other mistakes because of not being sure what to do next or how would he respond due to the mixed pathologies. I believe I do love him and really want to help him get better and out of that awful state, but the treatment he gives me right after I screw up makes me wanna run away, and he seriously wants me to fix this and keep growing together. Apart from this, he moved recently to the country next to us to search for a more stable economic state and a better life, what makes us even more distanced, and even thought I'm planning to leave this place too I don't know how much time it will take and if I am willing to keep giving it all till we can meet in person. Thanks for reading it all and I will appreciate if you have any question and/or advice.
