Uncertain ways
Well-Known Member
Hi,
I’ve been reading a bit around the last days, but feel still a bit confused. I’m 35 years old.
Last year I started to chat with somebody on the spectrum. I realized some similarities to myself but did not suspect much back then.
I have only a few friends and it’s difficult to connect to other people. I have my challenges in social interaction. I do prefer one on one meetings to group gatherings. I am not avoiding group settings though. I need my alone time, but also feel alone sometimes. Which is a bit of a paradox. I like to photograph and this really fills my life. I dislike long eye contact, it does not feel natural and am selective with who I hug.
I was in therapy due to trauma and anxiety attacks the last years. My memory about childhood is very poor. I connected my feeling of being different to trauma, but am in doubt now.
When I started to read more about ASD this year it felt like reading about myself and I had a bunch of flashbacks from early school years and later coming up. My class teacher back then metioned I would not talk to other kids unless I knew somebody better. My mom interpreted this as just being shy. I remembered some situations, taking things literally and the reaction was laughter. It was a difficult period, being confused and anxious all the time. I guess I had a hard time reading people. I used to just watch and kept myself out of the happenings around me. I was very naive. I guess I still am. I was isolating myself from age 11 to 15 and escaped into some sort of fantasy world I created. At some point I realized I can’t go through life like that and worked on building up some friendships, which evantually worked out.
I feel a bit mixed up with all this coming back. I'm remembering small pieces all the time. Like that I preferred to sit on the floor and used to body rock back and forth until age 20, when visiting friends or having friends over. I did not notice it when doing and friends would put their hand on my back and asked me to stop, cause it looked weird.
I talked to my GP a while ago and received a referral to get a diagnosis on ASD. I’ll have my intake in a few weeks.
I’m here because I’m interested in reading about your experiences with ASD.
I’ve been reading a bit around the last days, but feel still a bit confused. I’m 35 years old.
Last year I started to chat with somebody on the spectrum. I realized some similarities to myself but did not suspect much back then.
I have only a few friends and it’s difficult to connect to other people. I have my challenges in social interaction. I do prefer one on one meetings to group gatherings. I am not avoiding group settings though. I need my alone time, but also feel alone sometimes. Which is a bit of a paradox. I like to photograph and this really fills my life. I dislike long eye contact, it does not feel natural and am selective with who I hug.
I was in therapy due to trauma and anxiety attacks the last years. My memory about childhood is very poor. I connected my feeling of being different to trauma, but am in doubt now.
When I started to read more about ASD this year it felt like reading about myself and I had a bunch of flashbacks from early school years and later coming up. My class teacher back then metioned I would not talk to other kids unless I knew somebody better. My mom interpreted this as just being shy. I remembered some situations, taking things literally and the reaction was laughter. It was a difficult period, being confused and anxious all the time. I guess I had a hard time reading people. I used to just watch and kept myself out of the happenings around me. I was very naive. I guess I still am. I was isolating myself from age 11 to 15 and escaped into some sort of fantasy world I created. At some point I realized I can’t go through life like that and worked on building up some friendships, which evantually worked out.
I feel a bit mixed up with all this coming back. I'm remembering small pieces all the time. Like that I preferred to sit on the floor and used to body rock back and forth until age 20, when visiting friends or having friends over. I did not notice it when doing and friends would put their hand on my back and asked me to stop, cause it looked weird.
I talked to my GP a while ago and received a referral to get a diagnosis on ASD. I’ll have my intake in a few weeks.
I’m here because I’m interested in reading about your experiences with ASD.
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