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Thank you. The whole point of me joining is to know that I am not so abnormal. Well, in the eyes of society I am not exactly normal LOL But you get my point.
After researching what Aspergers looks like in female adults I am confident that's what's going on with me. I have been labeled with many different different "disorders" none of which I completely fit the mold for (except maybe anxiety and I have had some depression on and off over the years, mostly it's situation based depression).
Although I get anxious, most of my "anxiety" can be attributed to sensory issues and the fact I freak out when overloaded. I have been told I was bipolar, but have had no definite pattern between mania and depression. As a matter of fact I have never experienced mania. It was just one of those things the doctor I use to see liked to say everyone has. He even diagnosed my son with BP at age 6. This was before his Aspergers diagnosis was revealed to us.
I have been diagnosed with OCD, but only on the basis of my interests and my need for a routine. My routines are not time consuming ones, it's just I hate for my schedule to be deviated. If my schedule gets deviated or something unexpected happens I freak out. I am unable skip the missing step or compensate for the change. One little thing can literally ruin my whole day. I do have certain obsessions. For example, music, law, cats, autism (of course), health. I had obsessions as a child as well. One that sticks out to me was my obsession with Europe between the ages of 9 and 11, particularly France.
Then there is the social aspect, I am just awkward. I don't know when or how to start a conversation, especially small talk. All my conversations with other people have a point. Most of my conversations with other people revolve around my particular interests. When it's time to change the subject, I really can't tell someone is disinterested in what I am talking about by watching them. I don't take in that cue at all. I can be very long winded and drone on and on.
I don't feel the need to have much social interaction, and the fact that my husband is a social person makes it hard for me. His need to go visit people or have people around baffles me. If I have to socially engage, (and it's usually planned) I go over many different scenarios in my head and prepare myself so I will give appropriate verbal and nonverbal responses. I can not read other people at all, which is frustrating because I never know what their intent is. Social interaction really wears me out. I have one friend who I do see, she knows my limits and respects them. I am actually very happy with our relationship.
I do have sympathy for other people's problems, but often lack the ability to understand why they are upset, I usually just feel bad they are upset. I have often been told I can be cold and distant.
I have loads of sensory issues. I hate to be touched, it's just way too much for me to handle. Even the slightest touch from someone makes me feel very violated and the "touch" lingers with me for a long time. It's hard to explain. I lack eye contact. My hearing is very heightened. Bright lights bother me. I also have a heightened sense of smell.
I tend to be too logical and over analyze everything. I see details in things everyone else seems to miss and often I miss out on the whole point due to focusing on the small details.
When upset or excited I rock, sway, pace, I have certain hand stims I do. When I am upset (or have a meltdown) I tend to lose my words, or speak incoherently.
I have an above average IQ, I did exceptionally well in school academically, socially not so much. I was not a behavior problem as a child, just often told I acted and talked like a little adult. I never had a problem with rules, actually I thrived with rules. I knew what was expected of me and that made me comfortable. When I became an adult there were less rules and it didn't work out so well for me. I get really upset when I see other people breaking or bending rules.
Sorry I'm rambling on. Hope I haven't shared too much
