Hi

[Iplayguitar]

My name is Sean, I am 55 and high functioning but struggling. I am still in the process of getting my diagnosis (it’s a 2 year waiting list where I live. I’ve made it past the introductory questions and now waiting for an official test invite) but all the online tests I have taken are conclusive, i suffer from internal echolalia (constant looping music in my head), I have physical and vocal ticks, many other social related symptoms and I have a brother who is diagnosed (he is not highly functioning and can’t leave the house) so I am probably, most likely autistic as well, or at least somewhere in the spectrum.

I’ve always known I was different but never really made the conscious connection that it might be autism. I always thought I just had bad social anxiety, job and relationship challenges, extreme hobby fixations and made funny noises but always tried to mask to fit in. At least now I know it is masking and not just some social awkwardness that I could never seem to shake.

I work in innovation consulting and marketing and up until recently struggled from job to job leaving every few years because I burn out. I’m currently looking for a new job and all of this recent autism realization has me questioning everything I used to just force myself to adapt to. Or at least fake it until I burn out. The more i study autism and ADHD, the more I realize how it explains so much about me and my past difficulties. Suddenly it all makes sense. It also makes me question what kind of work I am really capable of handling now if I am being truly honest with myself.

I also play guitar, produce music, make beats and podcast in my spare time. I used to play professionally but touring and crowds and mingling at clubs and shows and record label pressures pretty much made it impossible for me to manage so it’s all a hobby now. I grew up in Seattle, but my wife is German and we have 2 daughters so I’ve lived in Germany for 17 years now. That’s a whole other set of challenges.

Anyway, I have a lot of questions which I’ll save for other posts but I wanted to say hi and I am looking forward to meeting other like minded folks.

This is all a pretty new to me and I feel pretty isolated with it all so I’m hoping to meet others who can resonate with what I am going through. Pretty sure I am in the right place for that though.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Hi Sean. Welcome to the forum. I'm glad you are here.

I'm 70 years old with a birthday this month. I have had many of the same experiences as you. I never suspected autism as the cause of all my difficulties in social situations, in employment, and so on. And I worked in the field of developmental disabilities. It wasn't until I read, by chance, an article on how autism expresses itself in high functioning professional women that the penny dropped. That was about 7 years ago now. I worked my entire adult life, but was not successful until I became self-employed.

I am retired and live alone in a small house in the swamps and woods of south Florida. I also play music and am finding great joy in it now that I am retired and can spend more time on it. I play piano, banjo, sing, used to play violin and have just started with cello. I am very excited about the cello. It resonates with me.

Again, welcome. I have found this forum to be a wonderful and supportive place. I hope you do too.

 

[Iplayguitar]

Hello, and nice to meet you. Happy birthday! My birthday was at the end of November. A small house in the woods playing banjo sounds like a dream.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

@Iplayguitar, first of all, welcome!

Regarding feeling "burnt out": This is something that everyone here has to manage in their own way. We all have our limits. This is where being self aware, knowing your coping mechanisms, knowing when to slow down, stop, or push through because you must, becomes a life skill and you gain some wisdom with living with the condition. A lot of our younger and newly diagnosed members are still low on their learning curve with their autism, and there are those of us who have much more experience and wisdom to share. So, please be active on the forums and dig into your questions.

I am in the medical field, and as such, I treat my autism as a medical condition that happens to have secondary psychological, behavioral, social/communication symptoms, and some will also have fine neuro-motor and immunological symptoms. Autism, at least right now, is diagnosed by symptomatology. I see a future where it will be diagnosed, at least in part, in the neurologist and geneticist office. In other words, autism has a primary anatomy and physiology (proven in hundreds of studies), as well as genetic/epigenetic components. The function a direct result of the form. We think and behave differently because our brains are quite literally, different. Just like any other health condition with any other organ, the heart, the kidneys, the liver, the pancreas, and so on, you must be aware, take care, and know when to seek help.

Diet, physical activity, sleep all play a role, and in some cases, so do supplements, medications, and therapies.

At any rate, welcome aboard.

 

[tree]

 

[Jumpinbare]

Hi Sean. Late diagnosees seem to accumulate here. The plumbing, maybe?

Welcome, and better late than never.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Hello, and nice to meet you. Happy birthday! My birthday was at the end of November. A small house in the woods playing banjo sounds like a dream.

Happy Birthday to you, too. Hang around long enough and you'll get a birthday greeting next year from tree.

And living in the woods and playing music is, in many ways, a dream come true.

 

[AndyFBlues]

Welcome to the forum!