Just lost a really close NT friend, and I know that I can not tell them how I feel as it will only cause them pain.
I care for people far more deeply than I should, it makes me both vunrable and/or upsets the NT too much.
At a young age I learnt to shutdown these feelings because that made me too vunrable and/or overstep the mark.
Years ago I saw a 60 year old male balding friend of my being bullied at work, I could not stand to see my friend being bullied so I reported it to management in the full knowledge that I would most likely be blacklist, because the welfare of my friend was more important to me than my own.
As is I lost my $160K p/a job and was unable to find work for over 18 months due to my former employer contacting multiple employment agencies.
Years later I got a second (lower paying job) and formed friends with a female NT.
Anyway, I lost my friend in part because our catchups were time boxed out into short/safe coffee meeting during working hours. During our last told me how she her manager/other had completely ruined her day and micro managed her, and things were getting worse. Then the coffee meeting was over and we returned to the office.
As is this had been building up for some time and I'd been asking for catch outside of work where I did not have to re-engage my mask and return to my desk, but anyway.
For me, given this had been building up over the past couple of months, the information sent me into a meltdown/implosion.
During the implosion I told her how much I cared for her(poorly worded), for her I had transgressed the platonic, but for me I knew it was irrelevant if she was female or a 60 year old balding male, and did not understand why I should care less for her than I did for my male friend years before.
I know I have caused her pain, and this causes more conflict and turmoil within me that I have hurt a friend.
But finally I know that it is nothing I can fix, and know it is best for her to think of me as uncaring jerk.
Anyway each time I have shared my feelings with a platonic NT female friend it has crashed and burnt (a number got offended when I declined their advances, females (unlike) males have less experience being declined by someone who cares deeply for them), and I have learnt my lesson for a few years or so.
As is this post is part an attempt to avoid fixing this issue, and part to ask have others found that they have cared too deeply for others, and found it best to keep this care hidden and instead expose a cold uncaring persona?
I care for people far more deeply than I should, it makes me both vunrable and/or upsets the NT too much.
At a young age I learnt to shutdown these feelings because that made me too vunrable and/or overstep the mark.
Years ago I saw a 60 year old male balding friend of my being bullied at work, I could not stand to see my friend being bullied so I reported it to management in the full knowledge that I would most likely be blacklist, because the welfare of my friend was more important to me than my own.
As is I lost my $160K p/a job and was unable to find work for over 18 months due to my former employer contacting multiple employment agencies.
Years later I got a second (lower paying job) and formed friends with a female NT.
Anyway, I lost my friend in part because our catchups were time boxed out into short/safe coffee meeting during working hours. During our last told me how she her manager/other had completely ruined her day and micro managed her, and things were getting worse. Then the coffee meeting was over and we returned to the office.
As is this had been building up for some time and I'd been asking for catch outside of work where I did not have to re-engage my mask and return to my desk, but anyway.
For me, given this had been building up over the past couple of months, the information sent me into a meltdown/implosion.
During the implosion I told her how much I cared for her(poorly worded), for her I had transgressed the platonic, but for me I knew it was irrelevant if she was female or a 60 year old balding male, and did not understand why I should care less for her than I did for my male friend years before.
I know I have caused her pain, and this causes more conflict and turmoil within me that I have hurt a friend.
But finally I know that it is nothing I can fix, and know it is best for her to think of me as uncaring jerk.
Anyway each time I have shared my feelings with a platonic NT female friend it has crashed and burnt (a number got offended when I declined their advances, females (unlike) males have less experience being declined by someone who cares deeply for them), and I have learnt my lesson for a few years or so.
As is this post is part an attempt to avoid fixing this issue, and part to ask have others found that they have cared too deeply for others, and found it best to keep this care hidden and instead expose a cold uncaring persona?
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