ijrr
anxious enby lurker named Bean
Hi all,
I have a lot of names, but for now, just call me Bean
You can also pronounce ijrr like "ih-jurr". I'm an enby - NB, nonbinary, but I mostly identify as male so you can use he/they pronouns. Whatever you prefer.
I'm here because I feel lost and alone, and completely and utterly confused. I was raised with the popular misunderstanding of autism as it relates only to those on the more severe side of it, and because of this (and some other reasons, like my assigned gender at birth), it never occurred to my parents, teachers, or any of the people around me that I might be on the spectrum. Unfortunately, the same logic applies to the mental illnesses that I now have diagnosed as an adult - I never received treatment, care, or attention unless I did it myself. And so I spent several years researching neurological conditions and mental illnesses, trying desperately to find explanations for what I consider to be The Daily Struggle.
When I was researching the mental illnesses that plague me, like BPD and MDD, all it really did was make me feel worse about myself, and that makes complete sense. But finding out what autism really was, and understanding what "the spectrum" really meant made me feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Finally, I had figured out why I struggle to interact with other people in unique and contradictory ways, why my intuitive responses to certain social situations were different and looked down upon by others, why it seemed like the way my brain worked was completely alien to everyone else, and so on.
Of course, because I'm only self-diagnosed and also because I'm just that type of person, I'm constantly paranoid that maybe I'm not on the spectrum and I'm just "broken", or I'm giving myself a false diagnosis, etc etc. That could be true. But whenever I learn more about autism and the varying ways in which it manifests itself, I feel just a little bit lighter inside, just a little more confident in who I am as a person.
It's been a couple years since I last posted anything in any online setting. I used to spend all my time, 24/7, on websites like DeviantArt and Tumblr, talking with people and trying to make friends online because I knew it would be easier than trying to make friends in real life. But then that all became stressful and overwhelming, and I completely disconnected from online interaction and social media. I still stand by that decision, and you won't see me on Tumblr or Facebook or Twitter or (gd forbid) Instagram any time soon. But I wanted to join this forum because I was tired of doubting myself, tired of feeling alone because I'd never met or even heard of high-functioning autists until a couple of years ago, tired of hating myself for things that I've always known I can't change.
I wanted to make some friends that could help me out, and maybe I'd be able to help them too So here's to hoping!
I wish I could've condensed this a little better, but if you've read this all the way through, I really appreciate that. Thanks for helping me feel just a little bit more comfortable in my own skin.
I have a lot of names, but for now, just call me Bean
You can also pronounce ijrr like "ih-jurr". I'm an enby - NB, nonbinary, but I mostly identify as male so you can use he/they pronouns. Whatever you prefer. I'm here because I feel lost and alone, and completely and utterly confused. I was raised with the popular misunderstanding of autism as it relates only to those on the more severe side of it, and because of this (and some other reasons, like my assigned gender at birth), it never occurred to my parents, teachers, or any of the people around me that I might be on the spectrum. Unfortunately, the same logic applies to the mental illnesses that I now have diagnosed as an adult - I never received treatment, care, or attention unless I did it myself. And so I spent several years researching neurological conditions and mental illnesses, trying desperately to find explanations for what I consider to be The Daily Struggle.
When I was researching the mental illnesses that plague me, like BPD and MDD, all it really did was make me feel worse about myself, and that makes complete sense. But finding out what autism really was, and understanding what "the spectrum" really meant made me feel like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Finally, I had figured out why I struggle to interact with other people in unique and contradictory ways, why my intuitive responses to certain social situations were different and looked down upon by others, why it seemed like the way my brain worked was completely alien to everyone else, and so on.
Of course, because I'm only self-diagnosed and also because I'm just that type of person, I'm constantly paranoid that maybe I'm not on the spectrum and I'm just "broken", or I'm giving myself a false diagnosis, etc etc. That could be true. But whenever I learn more about autism and the varying ways in which it manifests itself, I feel just a little bit lighter inside, just a little more confident in who I am as a person.
It's been a couple years since I last posted anything in any online setting. I used to spend all my time, 24/7, on websites like DeviantArt and Tumblr, talking with people and trying to make friends online because I knew it would be easier than trying to make friends in real life. But then that all became stressful and overwhelming, and I completely disconnected from online interaction and social media. I still stand by that decision, and you won't see me on Tumblr or Facebook or Twitter or (gd forbid) Instagram any time soon. But I wanted to join this forum because I was tired of doubting myself, tired of feeling alone because I'd never met or even heard of high-functioning autists until a couple of years ago, tired of hating myself for things that I've always known I can't change.
I wanted to make some friends that could help me out, and maybe I'd be able to help them too
So here's to hoping! I wish I could've condensed this a little better, but if you've read this all the way through, I really appreciate that. Thanks for helping me feel just a little bit more comfortable in my own skin.
.
