Hot and cold in one person

[Suzanne]

I am unable to cope with someone who: one moment shows kindness at me and then, in other moment, blanks me out. Very hard to deal with and if on going and I can do NOTHING about it and that person seems to be EVERYWHERE I go, I end up hating that person ie their face; their voice.

This is happening right now to me. I have tried to make peace. Asking if I have upset that person? But, I just get denials and yet, that person consistantly for 6 or so years, has been this way. Even to the point of seeing me, starts boasting.

The trouble is, I am completely the opposite. I can love everyone.

It is a horrible trait of mine. That there can be 10 people in a room and 9 are lovely. But that one person is not. It might as well be just that one person and me!

Recently, this person had no choice but to sit next to me and I hate it, because I am now super aware of visial changes and could clearly see that this person did not want to sit next to me, but because there was someone else on the same row, this person had a huge confliction going on. Wanted to sit with the other character ( prominent one), but did not want to sit next to me. I felt grossly ugly and because that person is rather big, I felt overshadowed.

Now, I have been told by another that it is my doing. It is me who has the issue. If I felt confidence, that person could not affect me. Now, I get this, but seriously, if I could switch on the neuron that controls confidence, I sure would do it in a flash!

I even had a nightmare about it recently.

I would rather that person was either all hot or all cold. At least I would not be confused.

Also, been told that person that person had an off day? Well, of course that can happen, but to only me? My husband has derided me by saying: oh, come now. You mean you have watched this person with everyone else and come to that conclusion? Impossible! However, it is not impossible, because when I sense a dislike of me, I do become too aware of how that person treats others, so that I can get an idea if it is just me or, everyone. And, sadly, my conclusion is it is just me. Also, what is even worse, is this person is LOVED BY EVERYONE.

 

[SusanLR]

The problem with this type of person and being in contact with them is the constant
back and forth which makes the confusion.

You may think you like the person at first and think they like you,
then suddenly they turn and say or do things that make you feel hurt and angry.
By the time this settles down inside and you just start thinking it's over and things
will be alright, wham, you get the wind knocked out of your sails again.
Now you're back to feeling angry and hurt.

When this happens enough times, you're up then down over and over.
I've found when you know someone is going to be hot and cold time after time,
it's really best to stay away from them if you can.
It only leads to emotional chaos.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I think that its very nice of you to want so hard to love everyone.

I seem to make people either like or dislike me, there are few neutral. And I tend to just accept the outcome.

That person may be confused too, and may also feel rejected by you. Or maybe its not the case.

I still think that its great that you are wired to love others so hard. Im not like that.

 

[Aspychata]

I struggle with passive agressive people also. They act like they like you, and then do other things that are the direct opposite leaving me wondering who they really are, then you are left with the aftermath of emotions.

Perhaps the seating is too rigid, and they need to lighten up. Or you need to cancel occasionally so you don't get frustrated with the seating arrangements. I am very fussy about where l sit in waiting rooms, groups of people etc. I feel boxed in.

 

[Judge]

My experience with other humans over the years has been relatively consistent. To observe that for better and worse, we are all highly dynamic individuals. Prone to traits and behaviors that occasionally break whatever mold we may have assumed about them. Which can result in and range from disagreement to outright betrayal.

But in the end it's what makes us all "human". For better- and worse.

Leaving us a choice of cutting people some slack or forever resenting them. Where at times we can be both the victim as well as the perpetrator, and not necessarily be able to tell the difference. Making for some very awkward moments to overcome.

 

[Fino]

Do you think it's a viable option to talk to her about it?