Hovering outside a conversation waiting to talk to someone to avoid interrupting; worried I seem creepy?

[Brook]

So if someone I want to talk to is engaged in a convo, I will stand there trying not to stare at the participants, while waiting for the conversation to end so I can chat with the person without interrupting. Problem is, they don't always know that I'm waiting to talk to them and sometimes walk away then I feel like an idiot "hailing" them down to chat with them. What I'm worried about is seeming weird or creepy by my hovering. I've had people give me either confused looks or an exasperated "why are you here" kind of look before.

Does anyone know how I should navigate that situation? is it permissible to walk up and say hi and try to join in the conversation or just say hi to the person, even while they're chatting with the other person? That's what everyone else seems to do! I don't want to interrupt and then irritate someone but then I also don't want to hover around and seem creepy and irritating THAT way.

 

[Chailatte_]

I've dealt with this my entire life, but I used to believe everyone did it too (until the diagnosis). Then I realized that grasping when it's your turn is usually something "innate" within social norms. Nowadays, if I have to talk to someone, I still come off as a creepy person (and sometimes I even leave if the conversation lacks 'empty spaces where I can jump in,' making it even creepier).

 

[Aspychata]

If you aren't sure, you can just walk up and casually say "can l join you?". And it's polite to introduce yourself to the person who was the bystander. It kinda of gets down to the event, casual, not casual? If it's very casual, you don't need to say that. But it's polite.

 

[AprilR]

I do that too haha. It is a lose lose situation, if you interrupt the convo you are seen as rude, if you wait for your turn you are creepy.

I guess one solution is: act like you are talking on the phone or doing something else while waiting.

 

[Suzanne]

I have learned that humour goes a long way in lightening up a potential embarrassing situation.

So, if I have an urgent question to ask, I will take the courage to interrupt. Especially, when I know that the chat has gone on for some time.

In truth, even neurotypicals feel this way. We just feel it more so.

I say something like this: sorry to interrupt, but could I grab your attention to ask a question? Generally, I get a favourable response. But, there have been times the response has caused me embarrassement. No, sorry, in the middle of an important chat. Please come back a bit later and yep, my sense of self worth plummets.

 

[Aspychata]

This is great advice, it's really dependent on the situation, or event, and how many people are in the group, it's hard to guage if you are ND.

 

[AndyFBlues]

I struggle with this too. If it's something important at work, I try to position myself in the line of sight of the person I need to talk to. As soon as we make eye contact, I make a casual motion indicating that I need to have a conversation with them. I'm better at it than I used to be, but I still feel uncertain of myself. Others seem to be so much better at it than me.

 

[Misty Avich]

Body language plays a good part in this. If you approach and look eager to say something important and make eye contact with the person you need to say something to, usually they'll turn their attention on to you. If they don't then just stand casually and wait, perhaps look around, fold your arms loosely, then when you find a gap or they have finished, say the person's name to grab their attention if they haven't acknowledged you first.

 

[Brook]

If you aren't sure, you can just walk up and casually say "can l join you?". And it's polite to introduce yourself to the person who was the bystander. It kinda of gets down to the event, casual, not casual? If it's very casual, you don't need to say that. But it's polite.

Gotcha! Good idea! I will take this advice.

 

[MNAus]

So. Tricks I learned.

If it's urgent just interrupt. But it needs to be urgent to do so. "Sorry to interrupt but this is urgent..."

If it's not, but it's important try to wait for a point where someone pauses and say "hate to interrupt but I need to speak to you about something, can you come find me when you've caught up?". Then go somewhere nearby and be busy. Don't sit there waiting. Your entry point can't be more than a few seconds though, and can be near impossible to judge.

Another trick is to call to them while their conversation is out of earshot. Keep walking towards them and say something like"not going to barge in, let's have a chat later shall we?"

 

[kenaij]

I will usually walk up to them and ask if the person I need has some time for me when they are done.
Sometimes they make time right away, other times they just say oké.
Then I`ll wait at a distance.
Or otherwise, I will ask where I can find them or if I can wait around.

Works decently most of the time. But does feel uncomfortable.

 

[Misty Avich]

Usually when I'm having a conversation and someone else comes along and looks like they want to say something irrelevant, I pause to let them say what they needed to say. If the conversation I'm having was interesting enough the other person I was talking to should come back and resume the conversation, which they usually do.

Although I can be socially awkward, I still find these little social things easy.
Math is harder. Lol