• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

How can I be in a relationship when most women I encounter are already taken?

Tony Ramirez

Tony Ramirez

Single Aspie
V.I.P Member
I have trouble talking to woman I don't know. I do better in small group situations so I join l life groups in Church, dinners and yoga classes. So of course occasionally I socialize with people sometimes before or after in yoga class.

We will start with yoga class. I socialize with two woman. One woman I did not talk to too much but when she mentioned a husband I was crushed.

Now the second woman I felt very shy around. She socalized with other female yogis easily. She would sometimes come to class and smile at me and say hi. I thought maybe it was some kind of sign. What a surprise after class when she went and talked to meafte class and said I liked my mat. I said I just bought it to replace a old mat I did not like. She said I was an inspiration for her coming more. When she mentioned she had two kids I goy worried because 99% of mom's I encounter are married and what do you know then she mentions a husband. My heart sank. Only when she said her husband father just died I felt some sadness but still I felt crushed.

Going to Wednesday dinner I meet this woman three. Get to know her. We are talking and things are good. Until she mentions in general conversation her boyfriend. Then she pulls out hrr phone and shows some stupid video of the stupid boyfriend works at the stupid wnba.

Then I find out today that a woman named Tanya who likes cats actually has a boyfriend and is getting married.

So, every new woman I encounter where I go to new places they all have boyfriends or husbands. I am at my wits ends. I go out. I see married couples every where. I always be friends new married couples. I actually made new friends with two on Wednesday. I see boyfriend and girlfriend holding hands outside all the time just today and it's driving me crazy. There is love everywhere except for me.


Before anyone says anything no I don't want to try any autism online dating site. I don't trust them. I want to socialize face to face, not virtual beind a screen or a profile. So there. I'm 46 and never even been on a date.
 
Last edited:
It looks like some of the anger you feel about
the women you've met seems related to the
idea of them being like cookies or books on a
shelf. The ones you've encountered are, in
your words "taken."

They were not 'taken.'
They chose to enter into friendship and romance
with the individuals they are now in relationships
with.

You say you want to "socialize face to face."
It doesn't seem like it.
You reject people if they are in relationships.

I don't know where you'd find a line up of females guaranteed to be single.
Maybe your therapist can suggest something.
 
I am going to give her an earful on Tuesday. My therapist by the way. I can't wait.

Also these are not people I picked.
 
Not people you picked?

What does that mean?

While you may not have proposed marriage to them, you
did, according to what you said, chose to speak to them,
and were angered that they had boyfriends
or husbands.

No one forced you to speak to them, did they?
 
Also there was this one woman today at church who said hi to me during the greeting and I said hi back but when she was sitting next to what looked like her parents and an guy her age to the right I said it's probably her husband so I ended up moving to the back. I did not want to talk or get to know her because I just know she would if said that's her husband.
 
Don't be scared to be friends with some of these women my wife has a male friend that she has known longer ten she has known me and we have been married over 40 years. Thinking of women as an alien species is the biggest issue.
 
It's tough for men to meet woman, and woman to meet men. Some cities are worse then others. We have single socials that meet up in Florida. I heard the retirement homes are a hotbed of activity in Florida. But you are a younger person. Yoga sounds fun. I met just a friend in a exercise class. We still are friends to this day. We use to go for coffee after class. Maybe find a volunteer job at the Humane Society in the cat section. You can answer phones, or help socialize cats, and usually the other volunteers are nice.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Also there was this one woman today at church who said hi to me during the greeting and I said hi back but when she was sitting next to what looked like her parents and an guy her age to the right I said it's probably her husband so I ended up moving to the back. I did not want to talk or get to know her because I just know she would if said that's her husband.
Click to expand...
In your quest to socialize with women you don't know, do you ever first get close enough to them to see if they are wearing a wedding ring?

That's just one of those details I tend to focus on whether as a casual acquaintance, or potential friend. Basic curiosity on my part.
 
Last edited:
The two woman I talked too at yoga were definitely not wearing wedding rings which really crushed me when they mention husbands especially more the second one this Friday since I though it was a flirt.

The one from the church greeting was not either but I remember the fool me one fool me twice saying so I walked away before I was crushed again.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
I am friends with plenty of married couples. My best friend Justin is married couple. That's the problem.
Click to expand...
What about him being married is a problem?

What sort of problem?

=====================

It looks like what's happening is you mistake the lack of a wedding band
as an intentional "Let's mess with Tony" trick. Not every married person
wears wedding rings.

You are fooling yourself if you continue to tell yourself "All married people
wear wedding rings." That is a story that will disappoint you, because it's
not true.
 
It sounds to me like you expect to meet someone, and for them to say "Hi, I'm single, want to be my boyfriend?"
.
It doesn't work that way. If that's what you hope for, maybe setting your expectations a little lower would help?
 
Tony Ramirez said:
The two woman I talked too at yoga were definitely not wearing wedding rings which really crushed me when they mention husbands especially more the second one this Friday since I though it was a flirt.

The one from the church greeting was not either but I remember the fool me one fool me twice saying so I walked away before I was crushed again.
Click to expand...
As long as it's something you consider at all times. But of course there's no guarantee as to those women who choose not to wear them for all kinds of reasons. Exercise or athletic functions in particular.

Then again you also have to realize that some single women are apt to mention non-existent husbands just as a simple way of telling you they're not interested. A less confrontational way of handling such a situation.
 
Last edited:
When l was married, l wore a wedding band. Now that l am spoken for, l do wear a ring on the married ring finger, lol. But l will not remarry, and l have already made that known. But we do have many single men in my area, and it does feel like they are searching and aren't meeting anybody, so l really get the difficulty part.

I had three men become upset with me when l nicely rebuffed their advances in Florida. It actually became frightening in two cases.
 
Last edited:
I still recall the sting of wanting to get to know someone I thought was a friend tell me, "Oh- no, I don't want to DATE you." But at the same time it could have been much worse. That's just part of the risk in sticking your neck out in search of that special someone. You just have to push on....and try not to get too discouraged.
 
Last edited:
You can have a relationship wih a married woman; just not as intimate as the one you seek. Talking to married women can make you comfortable around women in general. Like sisters, they can help you identify any mistakes you may not know you make. If they like you, they may introduce you to single friends who are also struggling, perhaps discouraged by past problems and only accepting dates on recommendations.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom