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How can I help autistic and BD son [19] understand discretion (including talking)?

Diana09

New Member
I'm sorry this is long. I appreciate any help. I am a single mom.

My 19 yo has aspergers and behavior disorders, mostly due to anxiety. He doesn't understand discretion. He misunderstands a lot or doesn't comprehend at all.

He has a counselor at his daycare who is helping him control his tone and inside voice. He doesn't understand public vs private. Such as, using profanity or getting overexcited and yelling in public. Or private conversation, such as what's appropriate to say to me and what is not. If he gets hurt or something gets broken or something similar, he won't tell me about it. He will hold conversations when the other person is not talking to him, or when there is no room for it. I will help him get in the bathtub and leave the room, and he'll talk to me through the house. I sometimes help him wash up because he will just ramble and play with the water. He talks to objects, especially when observing or sorting, and he'll talk to pictures of people looking at the camera (despite knowing they are not real). He is very TMI with people he barely knows.

Recently, we had a talk about masturbation, because he brought it up to me. Now he will ramble on to me about perineal business/sexual events when it is not appropriate or necessary for me to know. He does understand that he cannot touch himelf unless he is at home, but he does not fully follow the "alone" part. He will touch himself with me or my parents in the room, and only stop if I ask. He understands talking about it, and who can touch him. The only people who can touch his privates are at daycare when helping him change his pads or underwear, or his doctor when I'm there, and myself. The only people he can talk about it to are me, or an authority in private.

He thinks his feet are genitals. At daycare or when family/my friends come over, he wont take socks off, and usually keeps his shoes on. He won't let anyone touch his feet except me. He is just as strict, or even more strict than, with his actual genitals. I don't know why, and he can't explain it.

At daycare, he has a specific nurse, and then a substitute if she is busy or gone. He doesn't get the idea of a specific private person. If he messes his pad, he'll just go to his monitors and ask them to change him.

I don't want to do anything that'll repress him or enable.
 
That is more an area for a professional Behavior Specialist. I've seen kids with a lot less issues qualify for in home services. Check with your school/district manager to see if you qualify and if your medical will cover it.
 
Diana09, first off welcome to Autismforums. I have to say I have to agree with Tom. An impartial behavioral specialist is what might be just the trick here to get to the bottom of these pieces. The only other thing I can try to do is encourage you. I would have done anything for a mom who would have helped me in this way when I was 19. I want to thank you even if you may not feel your son is appreciative or understands the lengths you are going to support him. It’s a special thing and I want you to be encouraged and strengthen by the fact that you are special. I wish for you additional patients, courage, and peace. Thank you Diana.
 
I read this from someone else here, I hope that it doesn't apply here, but it may. We were talking about the ability to speak. The person said that speech is a lot like any motor skill, you either have the ability to do something, or you don't. Sometimes the wires just don't connect. I believe this could also hold for discretion too, all over life you see people who have it, and people who don't .
Good on you for not giving up on your son, I also have a low functioning son I will always be there for. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I have to accept him for who he is and not what I want him to be. I haven't encountered this scenario yet, but I am sure at some point I will though.
 

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