How Can I Maintain A Job If I'm Undiagnosed?

[Irakus34]

Hi.

I want to ask for advices and a plan B if the plan A fails. Actually, I'm about to start practical training next week in a psychiatric, in a health care profession. It's going to be 7 hours taking care and supervising a great number of people. The thing is if they like me, I might get the job for July and I really need the money.

However, my health just got worse these days due to constant shutdowns and a meltdown I had recently. Since yesterday, my muscles became useless. I can't move, I have no strength, the pain is general, intensifying on legs, especially on knees. I have painful cramps and spasms. Today I went to class and my teacher kind of wondered why I did go in such a state. She explained to me I went through loads of stress, anxiety and lack of rest so my brain released too much of a neurotransmissor and my body just got rigid, freaking rigid.

The cause of my stress is due family issues I'm facing right now, but the fact I have to face also an unknown situation with a lot of social interactions... I'm not really sure if my body and brain will manage to survive these fifteen days of practice.

I really need the money, so I tend to think I can continue bearing the pain and masking my condition. Somehow, my brain thinks I'm just pretending all my symptoms, that I'm somatizing all this. It could be. But I'm afraid it might also be my body warning me I'm reaching a limit.

I'm pretty young, just 21 years old, so they suppose my health is good, but against all odds, I feel sick daily. I have no strength. I need to take naps because I'm unable to function the whole day straight. I tend to shutdown regularly. And the worst is that I'm undiagnosed, so I can't really prove what's happening to me. I don't even know which is the exact cause. I had blood tests done recently and everything was okay. Even doctors are lost with what happens to me. So they end up thinking I'm just somatizing. However, I don't want to be like this. I want to work like anyone else. Do my best.

Does anyone else suffer this? What do you do to recover? And what else do you do to prevent it to happen again?

 

[Thinx]

Tricky for you, sorry you are up against this. It is surprising how anxiety can affect us, I remember getting terrible stomach cramps etc on my way to work at my first career type job, it wasn'tactually a very good fit that job, though helped me realise what I enjoyed and was good at in the area of social/community work.

Well I usually soldier on, like you say. I would do as you are doing or would have at your age. Subsequently I did a lot of work on myself, over the years, and am not anxious now. Haven't been for a long time.

Like you say, the anxiety may be coming from known factors such as family issues, so, that's not necessarily about autism at all, and can be worked on by working on the issues, as well as doing work to de-stress yourself. Yes we can't change that we have a neurodiverse brain, but we can effectively work on ourselves in therapy or through personal development in many areas.

Sounds like a difficult timing for you that you have these issues going on now. Can you consider ways you might step back from the family issues for a few weeks at least?

 

[Mori]

First, I want to say I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. I can't say that I know fully what it's like to have my body react so painfully like this, but it's a shame your doctors weren't able to help you more. Even if you're somatizing these issues, the pain is still very real and affecting your ability to function. Usually when I've got real sore spots or muscle spasms, I try for a heating pad? Or if you've got a bathtub, a nice soak might help?

I've worked a few stressful jobs in my time and I have done the unhealthy thing of trying to soldier on... and then I burnout, which I can't say that I recommend. Maybe something to keep in mind is that they're putting you in a really difficult spot. At the young age of 21, they're having you supervise a number of individuals on top of the already hard job that is health care. They may be trying to see how you react to making mistakes, not necessarily expecting you to be perfect? And as a patient, knowing my physician also has experiences trying to handle their own mental health would likely allow me to trust them more.

There's a lot of pressure to land this job that's likely causing the stress, but perhaps approaching it as a more a learning opportunity and a chance to meet others in your chosen field? It may feel like everything is riding on this one chance, but it may lead to others, even if it doesn't work out in the way you're originally hoping.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I feel for your difficulties. I was diagnosed at age 60, so most of my life I went undiagnosed. At times I had a hard time keeping an even strain and I had to learn self control. The only thing that saved me was starting out in basic research where performance counted far more than one's neurology. [added, I swear, such basic research was probably enriched with autistics.] Also living independently then gave me time to decompress by myself. Plus, I really dove into my hobby of paleontology which gave me a nice escape.

Yet I only found later that suppressing emotions can only go so far. The years of social and sexual isolation led to PTSD that i am still dealing with. Over the years, I have learned that that I am the agent of most of my own stress.

 

[Aspychata]

Guess your immediate situation needs to be resolved. But how?

Can you do massage, or try relaxing jacuzzi? You said you need the money, so short-term anxiety meds? Either homeopathic or script?

Can you step outside the family issues, until you secure the position? Good luck with this.

 

[Irakus34]

Tricky for you, sorry you are up against this. It is surprising how anxiety can affect us, I remember getting terrible stomach cramps etc on my way to work at my first career type job, it wasn'tactually a very good fit that job, though helped me realise what I enjoyed and was good at in the area of social/community work.

Well I usually soldier on, like you say. I would do as you are doing or would have at your age. Subsequently I did a lot of work on myself, over the years, and am not anxious now. Haven't been for a long time.

Like you say, the anxiety may be coming from known factors such as family issues, so, that's not necessarily about autism at all, and can be worked on by working on the issues, as well as doing work to de-stress yourself. Yes we can't change that we have a neurodiverse brain, but we can effectively work on ourselves in therapy or through personal development in many areas.

Sounds like a difficult timing for you that you have these issues going on now. Can you consider ways you might step back from the family issues for a few weeks at least?

Actually I went to therapy for five years and worked a lot on myself and continued doing so even if I stopped going. However, now I doubt if it was the correct therapy as it just helped me to mask constantly as she treated me the anxiety only and couldn't see even the depression I had.

Regarding my family issues, I've been living with them for ten years, worsening around five years ago. I have no one else, no place else to go either. I have to stick to that. So I just recover and keep going until I collapse again. I know this is not a way to go, but right now I have no other option.

Thanks for your answer.

 

[Irakus34]

First, I want to say I'm sorry that you're going through this right now. I can't say that I know fully what it's like to have my body react so painfully like this, but it's a shame your doctors weren't able to help you more. Even if you're somatizing these issues, the pain is still very real and affecting your ability to function. Usually when I've got real sore spots or muscle spasms, I try for a heating pad? Or if you've got a bathtub, a nice soak might help?

I've worked a few stressful jobs in my time and I have done the unhealthy thing of trying to soldier on... and then I burnout, which I can't say that I recommend. Maybe something to keep in mind is that they're putting you in a really difficult spot. At the young age of 21, they're having you supervise a number of individuals on top of the already hard job that is health care. They may be trying to see how you react to making mistakes, not necessarily expecting you to be perfect? And as a patient, knowing my physician also has experiences trying to handle their own mental health would likely allow me to trust them more.

There's a lot of pressure to land this job that's likely causing the stress, but perhaps approaching it as a more a learning opportunity and a chance to meet others in your chosen field? It may feel like everything is riding on this one chance, but it may lead to others, even if it doesn't work out in the way you're originally hoping.

The pain luckily stopped after two days and now I only have swollen knees, that I try to rest and put cold ice on it. I'd have done the bathtub with hot water, but I don't have, so I kept resting.

I will only be there to learn, having a supervisor who's assistant with me. However, we can get the job if we do it well, so I have such pressure on me. Also, I'm worried about who will teach me and the users I will have to take care of. I may get along with them or not.

I should get in my brain that, I'm there to learn, but my social phobia just bursts in bad days. I'm not really sure I want to interact with humans for seven hours everyday, my masking is so consuming. But after, helping people just make me feel like I found my reason in life.

Thanks for your answer.

 

[Irakus34]

I feel for your difficulties. I was diagnosed at age 60, so most of my life I went undiagnosed. At times I had a hard time keeping an even strain and I had to learn self control. The only thing that saved me was starting out in basic research where performance counted far more than one's neurology. [added, I swear, such basic research was probably enriched with autistics.] Also living independently then gave me time to decompress by myself. Plus, I really dove into my hobby of paleontology which gave me a nice escape.

Yet I only found later that suppressing emotions can only go so far. The years of social and sexual isolation led to PTSD that i am still dealing with. Over the years, I have learned that that I am the agent of most of my own stress.

I'm trying to dig myself with hobbies and likes so I can't think and get distracted and motivated. However, I must avoid my hyperfocusing or I won't be able to rest properly.

We're like our worst enemy most of the time. And sincerely, even if you don't want to destroy yourself, your brain is decided to do so. It's one of the worst experiences in life.

Thanks for your answer.

 

[Irakus34]

Guess your immediate situation needs to be resolved. But how?

Can you do massage, or try relaxing jacuzzi? You said you need the money, so short-term anxiety meds? Either homeopathic or script?

Can you step outside the family issues, until you secure the position? Good luck with this.

Right now, I can't avoid the family issues as I live with them and I can't move out from the meantime. Also, I've always refused taking anxiety meds or related. I know I'm rejecting every way possible, but I want to stick to my own strength to overcome this, or to die in the try. I will try relax more with music as it's really therapeutic for me.

Thanks for your answer.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

even if you don't want to destroy yourself, your brain is decided to do so. It's one of the worst experiences in life.

So very true. My mind kept on sabotaging myself. Once when I was about to lose my virginity to my spouse. Thank goodness she was accepting and kind.

 

[Irakus34]

So very true. My mind kept on sabotaging myself. Once when I was about to lose my virginity to my spouse. Thank goodness she was accepting and kind.

That's a real luck. I'm not really sure I'll ever find someone who will accept who I truly am. Especially because of how toxic my brain gets sometimes. No matter how hard you try in thinking possitively, it has such an ability to see the worst in literally everything.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

That's a real luck. I'm not really sure I'll ever find someone who will accept who I truly am. Especially because of how toxic my brain gets sometimes. No matter how hard you try in thinking possitively, it has such an ability to see the worst in literally everything.

And, it is hard to rewrite those inner scripts. I have been doing that for the past seven months as I deal with my PTSD using Cognitive Processing Therapy and not only is it hard, but it has been discouraging at times to confront the lies I have told myself.

 

[Irakus34]

And, it is hard to rewrite those inner scripts. I have been doing that for the past seven months as I deal with my PTSD using Cognitive Processing Therapy and not only is it hard, but it has been discouraging at times to confront the lies I have told myself.

That therapy helped me to overcome many obstacles and anxiety. However, as it was used as if I was NT and not autistic, it just reinforced my masking strongly and now I have a loss of identity where I don't know who I really am and who I became after that therapy of years to become someone who could fit this world without trouble.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

To the original question, A lot of us older, members pulled it off for 40 plus careers, this syndrome was unknown then, we just were ourselves. I never masked, not even sure what it means to mask, just a weird and quiet person to others.

 

[Thinx]

Yes I guess that therapy often treats all as NT, it is an issue. And I recall doing some work in a group over years that actually did as you say, encourage me to mask and fit in.

However. When I look back over all that, there were significant gains aswell. It isn't either/or, there are more options than that. My guess is you made progress in some areas during your therapy, though it was not as well targeted as it could have been.

Hang in there, when you get more resources you can move out from home. Are you totally sure you can't do that already, btw? Might be worth exploring that, when you can.

Sorry about your knees. Someone on here talks about a syndrome that affects their joints and other tissues, Elias Danlos syndrome. Did they rule that out? Never heard of anxiety giving someone swollen knees.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Yes I guess that therapy often treats all as NT, it is an issue.

I lucked out. My therapist is familiar with ASD as well as doing work with PTSD, including work with Vets. She is challenging me severely about my final stuck point.

 

[Irakus34]

To the original question, A lot of us older, members pulled it off for 40 plus careers, this syndrome was unknown then, we just were ourselves. I never masked, not even sure what it means to mask, just a weird and quiet person to others.

I know, I'm pretty aware that now it's more known, more studied and consequently there are more available helps. That's why I wonder why this world suffocates me so much until the verge of not being able to cope up with it at all. I wish I just could do that, carry on with my life as who I am and cope up with my difficulties, but I simply can't. I wish I could really, I try my best.

 

[Irakus34]

Yes I guess that therapy often treats all as NT, it is an issue. And I recall doing some work in a group over years that actually did as you say, encourage me to mask and fit in.

However. When I look back over all that, there were significant gains aswell. It isn't either/or, there are more options than that. My guess is you made progress in some areas during your therapy, though it was not as well targeted as it could have been.

Hang in there, when you get more resources you can move out from home. Are you totally sure you can't do that already, btw? Might be worth exploring that, when you can.

Sorry about your knees. Someone on here talks about a syndrome that affects their joints and other tissues, Elias Danlos syndrome. Did they rule that out? Never heard of anxiety giving someone swollen knees.

Indeed, I improved, I overcame myself in many areas, I could finish my studies, made friends, stop the anxiety over obsessions. Even if I had to become another person alongside, I definitely could.

I'm totaly sure I can't move out at all. I have no money, no one else who could help me outside of my home; my plan is to go with some friends, but after getting a job and leaving stuff settled in my house. My life has always been a mess and I've never been able to escape from it.

I didn't know about that and I checked it out. The doctor said my ligaments are way more elastic, and for rule weaker, than normal so I had to make some exercises before I would need surgery for a complete break of one of them (as I had sprains literally 3-4 times per year). Also, my family has very delicate skin which means more bruises and so on, but nothing serious, so I don't really want to this it could be due this. About my knees, my mother reminded me one day I fell hard on them so coincidentally they got worse when I had the "crisis", so I guess it's that.

Still thank you for worrying and trying to find an answer <3

 

[Irakus34]

I lucked out. My therapist is familiar with ASD as well as doing work with PTSD, including work with Vets. She is challenging me severely about my final stuck point.

Good luck with it, continue working on yourself o/

 

[paloftoon]

Working toward independence and being able to survive on your own to be your own person can help with this a lot. In your situation, getting diagnosed might actually open up more job opportunities for you as there is more out there specifically for people diagnosed now.

Exercise and drinking enough fluids, maybe some yoga, can also help.