How could I set this right? At least right-ish?

[MaeveTheRaven]

Hello!

I'm an university student, and right now I'm in the process of applying for membership at the computer science club in my dormitory. The application process consists of a written part and a verbal "oral exam" style part.

Here's where my problem start. I'm over the written part. The main problem is, that this club is very ambiguous on exactly how formal they are. Most if the time they act very chill and not really serious, but they are still an official group in our dorm with achievements.

They told me to answer every question on the sheet, even if I know my answer is wrong, because blank spaces mean negative points. So I did. The sheet consisted of two profession-related, a social and a cultural part. The biggest problem is with the cultural part. They asked me to translate nicknames into the full names of their respective owners and to write down the names of people of certain positions. I'm very bad at names and faces, so I only knew one or two, but I still had to fill in the blank spaces, because of the "negative points". I tried to figure them out logically, but where I couldn't, I wrote things like "Respected Citizen", things I thought they would know I wrote because I didn't know the answer.

Turns out the owners of the names didn't think it was funny. It also turned out that despite the fact they told me to fill every blank space, in reality I wasn't supposed to do so, especially not like this. Which was not obvious at all, since their speaking tone did not say "I'm being sarcastic here", for me it seemed serious. I've been told that because of this my verbal interview is going to be harder to "break my sass down".

So my question is, what should I do? It wasn't my intention to upset anyone, I didn't think what I wrote was offensive at all and I still don't see how.
Another thing, I'm officially not supposed to know about all these, and I'm not supposed to let them know I know. Right now I feel bad, because firstly I didn't mean any harm, secondly I'm afraid of the interview. I fear they are going to get personal about it. I don't know what kind of attitude would be appropriate from my side that doesn't let them know I know they are cross with me but still says I don't question their authority and want to be part of the team.

So can you give me some advice? How should I behave? What prior steps should I take to prepare?

Thanks for the help,
Maeve

 

[AndrewtheAndrew]

I am totally brand new like you but my personal advice would be to no let on you know anything.

If they bring it up maybe make a self deprecating jokeand quickly move the conversation forward in the verbal interview?

Dont bring it up unless they do and if they do, try not to linger on it and marginalize it as quickly as possible.

I doubt any serious individual would be highly upset by innocent names and writings as such you mentioned so I dont think anyone will be too vicious to you. I think it will all be okay.

 

[wight]

My first question is why would you want to be part of a "club" that contains people that act this way?

My advice is to walk into the interview and just state the truth, all of it... you were told to fill in all the blanks, that you are bad with names, that some folks are upset about your answers, you didn't intend offense-just trying to follow directions given, etc. In other words, own your part, be upfront about it... it will do 2 things... 1. let them known their "secrets" aren't secret and 2. if they are typical NT, will set them back on their heals.

The last thing you say is "I understand if you don't want to proceed with the interview, however, I still want to be part of the club and would appreciate you going through with it." (Alternately, "I came here to apologize for upsetting some of you, clearly I won't fit in with the clubs social dynamic. So I'm withdrawing my application.")

It takes guts to deal with these sort of situations, but this is only the first one of many in your lifetime, just like this, that you will have to do something like this... might as well start practicing now when the consequences are low.

 

[MaeveTheRaven]

Firstly, thank you for the answers and tips.
@wight, there is a scoring system in the dorm, where you get higher chances of getting accomodations if you do something useful, eg. participate in these clubs. This one is about developing useful computer architecture in the dorm, which I am highly interested in. So my reasons are partly the scoring system and partly my being interested in the topic.

I've been straight up told not to mention this at the interview, but yes, in case they bring it up, your advice seems quite logical for me. Thank you.

 

[wight]

Told by whom? The same person(s) that said to fill in all the answers on the test?

Not saying anything sets you up for being berated or bullied. See how much punishment the new guy will take before he speaks up, sort of nonsense.

You asked how to set it right... the only way to do that is to speak up, first and honestly. Getting into this club is not more important that your personal integrity.

 

[AndrewtheAndrew]

While I agree on the honorable principle of preserving integrity there are times you will have to make a sort of moral purchase through the currency of compromise to tip-toe around people professionally to get to your highest level of achievement.

If it's important to you to have this, dont be a bull and give them the horns. If that is your anticipated plan of action, you are putting yourself in an aggressive, confrontational frame of mind going I to the interview.

Either try to calmly explain actions in a tone/languagr they can converse with you in or make the decision in advance they are not worth your time.

Dont sacrifice your stress levels by walking into a knowingly tense situation, prepared to antagonize.

Be a snake soother.

 

[MaeveTheRaven]

@wight , no. A friend of mine has a pretty important position in the club, so he was present when they scored the tests. He was not there when we were writing it though. He was not supposed to tell me all the above, yet he did, so I wouldn't be surprised if I have to face hostility or something. I don't want to compromise him.

Yes, I agree with you and plan on speaking up for my own right if needed. If they call me out on it, I will most definitely follow your advice, but I cannot compromise my friend by bringing it up first.

@AndrewtheAndrew As far as I could perceive, they expect me to be somewhat aggressive and/or disrespectful, which I'm not planning on to be. Thank you for your advice!

 

[Tom]

Frankly, they sound like a bunch of idiots and I wouldn't have anything to do with them.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

You should never bow or crawl to be part of a group.

Respect yourself first and others second, go into the interview like that and if they appreciate that they will accept you and otherwise they won't.

 

[Nervous Rex]

The test, and the interview to "break your sass down" both sound like hazing.

Hazing is an ordeal or difficult and often demeaning experience that new members of a club are put through. The justification often comes down to "we had to do it to get in the club, so now you have to also."

It's up to you to decide whether you want to go through with it. If you go through the interview, don't react in anger or defensively - just say that you didn't mean to insult anyone.