How did everyone react to your Asperger's diagnosis?

[Hadassah]

I got diagnosed almost a month ago, at 31.. Let?s say my life so far has been very, very difficult at times, especially when not knowing what was wrong..

But I just told the last person who needed to know ?my grandmother. And she started crying.. So sweet. She said she always knew I wasn?t dumb or crazy, but that I just needed extra care and help. She?s always been there for me, even though she was a bit naggy at times, but that?s just her past and how she was brought up.

My mother has been very skeptic of the whole idea of Asperger?s and when I had the official diagnosis and texted her about it, she didn?t contact me for a week!!! I was afraid of her reaction, but then when she finally called, she totally supported me and sounded very relieved.

My aunt, well, she?s another story.. She?s always blamed me for being the black lamb of the family.. A loser, so to speak. She?s well educated and rich, but her ?snob friends? are more important to her than family and relatives. She did say that she hopes that she didn?t hurt me or my Asperger?s when growing up.. That helped a little! But I'm actually a little mean in thinking, that there you go auntie, it was NOT my fault!! Because she has been very judgmental with her husband towards me, always saying that I'm not a good person or that my mother was a bad parent, etc... :/

All three of these women who have played a significant role in my life, have at times made me feel really guilty of me being the way that I am, always pointing out my flaws and mistakes and because I just couldn't do things that normal people do.. But I forgive them, they didn't know. I also have to forgive myself now.

My friends have been nothing but amazing! They are very happy for me , yay!

So I?m _very_ interested in you, my fellow aspie friends, how have your family and friends reacted to your diagnosis?

 

[King_Oni]

My parents; "Oh ok" and went on to watch whatever dull television program they were watching.

My friend; "well, I didn't expect less" (though, he's an aspie as well and has his diagnosis and support going on for himself for a few years already. I got talking about his issues a bit more after my diagnosis though. So in a way he opened up a bit more about the difficulties in life he has since he figures I can relate more to them now)

My girlfriend (whom I was seeing before I was in a relationship with her); "So... now we're both legally crazy" (she's on the spectrum and had her diagnosis way before me; she meant it in a joking way)

I haven't really felt the need to have this giant sign of "I'm an aspie" towards other people... I don't really know my aunt would benefit from this knowledge. To her I'm just that geeky son of her brother (my dad) whom she calls over if anything is up with her computer. And I think this kinda goes with all people I interact with at times; I've always been me. I've been a little weird at times, but these people don't care about this weirdness as much. They accepted me for who I was long before.

 

[Hadassah]

@King_Oni I'm sorry, but the one with your parents made me laugh.. Aww.

For me I have felt like I had to prove to people close to me that the way I am is not my fault, it's my Asperger's, since I've always felt judged. This has been the same for one close aspie friend too :/ We've been judged all our lives.. I dunno.. I wish I _didn't_ care that much what other people think >.<

 

[Peace]

I wish I _didn't_ care that much what other people think >.<
It comes with age.

 

[Peace]

My wife at the time was very elated, "I Knew There Was Something Wrong With You". My family was skeptical and still are. However, my youngest daughter has come around to say things like "I'm Beginning To See That This Thing Is Real, And That You Probably Have It".

 

[Explosition_Rooster]

I was semi-diagnosed in high school and, well, the truth is that I really didn't notice a change in everyone around me. It should be said that I'm not really one who notices such things; yes, I'm as thick as a brick when it comes to noticing things happening around me.

One thing that did change is that I kinda used my Autism as an excuse to just plain get out of things. Now that I'm slightly older than my high school years, I've come to realize that using it as an excuse is crap, and it kinda cost me some stuff in life.

 

[Ylva]

It was my Dad who suggested it to begin with, so his reaction was something between "That's nice" and "I knew it!"

My mother was also more or less used to the idea by the time I got the actual diagnosis.

My sister was in denial for a long time — "you're not autistic, you're just totally weird!" — but came around to it in the end. She doesn't treat me differently with the exception that she doesn't mock me for my oddness anymore. That's sweet of her.

My brother is as nonchalant as ever.

No idea about the rest of my family. I have an aunt who seems cool with it and another aunt who may or may not think I'm possessed by the devil.

I don't think it matters that I "couldn't help it". I do not and have never agreed to anything that obligates me to do things I'm deeply uncomfortable with to be entitled to basic human rights.

 

[Judge]

I got diagnosed almost a month ago, at 31.. Let’s say my life so far has been very, very difficult at times, especially when not knowing what was wrong..

But I just told the last person who needed to know –my grandmother. And she started crying.. So sweet. She said she always knew I wasn’t dumb or crazy, but that I just needed extra care and help. She’s always been there for me, even though she was a bit naggy at times, but that’s just her past and how she was brought up.

My mother has been very skeptic of the whole idea of Asperger’s and when I had the official diagnosis and texted her about it, she didn’t contact me for a week!!! I was afraid of her reaction, but then when she finally called, she totally supported me and sounded very relieved.

My aunt, well, she’s another story.. She’s always blamed me for being the black lamb of the family.. A loser, so to speak. She’s well educated and rich, but her “snob friends” are more important to her than family and relatives. She did say that she hopes that she didn’t hurt me or my Asperger’s when growing up.. That helped a little! But I'm actually a little mean in thinking, that there you go auntie, it was NOT my fault!! Because she has been very judgmental with her husband towards me, always saying that I'm not a good person or that my mother was a bad parent, etc... :/

All three of these women who have played a significant role in my life, have at times made me feel really guilty of me being the way that I am, always pointing out my flaws and mistakes and because I just couldn't do things that normal people do.. But I forgive them, they didn't know. I also have to forgive myself now.

My friends have been nothing but amazing! They are very happy for me , yay!

So I’m _very_ interested in you, my fellow aspie friends, how have your family and friends reacted to your diagnosis?

I'm glad it seems to have been beneficial for you to tell them. And you have so much more of your life to adjust accordingly.

For me at nearly twice your age, I'm still grappling with whether to tell the few loved ones I have. I guess I'm unfairly pessimistic about either of them really understanding what this is and how it has impacted my entire life.

 

[Samurai]

I was like, "Well, okay, lol."

I did not think much of it, since I had my suspicions for quite some time. I still do not. Life, the never-ending struggle, remains.

 

[Eman]

well, it was actually my parent's idea first that I *probably* had aspergers. this was around grade 5-6 in elementary when I was being bullied a bit and trying to engage in one-sided conversations with other kids about WWII or hockey which was totally unrelated to the topic they were talking about.

nothing really changed much, my parents already expected it.

i found myself playing the aspie card sometimes to get out of social stuff with my parents. (formal dinners, having to dress up, etc).

I was high functioning enough to go to weddings but then at the banquet I would break out a book and ignore everyone else LOL.

At this point in my life I no longer care or give a f5%k what others think of my behaviors and habits. i'd been bullied long enough as a kid. So GTFO and shut the f**k up if you don;t like me because of something I can;t f**king control.

I finally told my best friend I had aspergers all along and explained it to him. He was very supportive and I think my friends kinda suspected something similar all along anyways. My hockey friends always knew "we can never win an NHL trivia contest with Eman!" But I think with the official knowledge of my condition they have been supportive for the most part.

My first years of elementary were pretty tough: It got better around gr. 5 when I was moved to a new elementary school which luckily had both a smart young principal and a very determined teacher who I started to thrive under. they both knew my condition b/c my mom told them before the school year, and the last 3 years of elementary were positive years for me, even though I was still aspergers, the bullying was a lot less and my hockey fandom gained me some "conversation topics' (this being Canada) and a path into the mainstream. I know, I was way more hardcore and fanatical about my hockey fandom than most Canadians even, but it was at least a path into the mainstream! I hung onto hockey like a trophy for dear life. (p.s. for you aussies/kiwis/brits, I mean ICE hockey)

transition to high school was difficult at first: I reverted to loner-ism mostly but once again hockey and video games came to the rescue and by gr. 12 i FINALLY had a list of consistent friendships who are still my friends to this day.

wow off topic much?! anyway yeah nothing much changed b/c ppl in my life suspected it anyway

 

[Judge]

At this point in my life I no longer care or give a f5%k what others think of my behaviors and habits. i'd been bullied long enough as a kid. So GTFO and shut the f**k up if you don;t like me because of something I can;t f**king control.

I finally told my best friend I had aspergers all along and explained it to him. He was very supportive and I think my friends kinda suspected something similar all along anyways. My hockey friends always knew "we can never win an NHL trivia contest with Eman!" But I think with the official knowledge of my condition they have been supportive for the most part.

Sounds like a plan! No kidding. In reading such comments, I find myself wondering how life might have been different for me at a much earlier age to know about all this. To work with my AS and accept it for what it is, instead of going through life constantly beating my head (and my heart) against a wall not really knowing why I was the way I am.

Of course moving around so much as a kid may have served to further mask my AS traits. No matter where I was, or whom I was with, I was still the "new kid". Not a good place for most children to be...Aspies or Neurotypicals. I think my family would have been more supportive of me. However in growing up, I can't say I was a great judge of character in picking friends. Not sure if they would have been supportive or not. Most of them dumped me for whatever reason at some point.

At least NOW I feel a little more empowered about making decisions that work with my AS instead of against it. So much knowledge to tap in this forum, and knowledge really IS power. Thanks for sharing.

 

[Judge]

Well, yesterday I did it. Bit the bullet and I told my cousin about my self-diagnosed AS.

Yeah, it was a mistake to do so. She seemed almost indifferent about it, asking me why I even bothered. She's in a carefully crafted self-improvement mode where anything perceived as "negative" is avoided. I guess that means me. I was bewildered by her response....but not really surprised.

I guess the buck stops here. I won't let that cat out of the bag again. Oh well...

 

[Kelly]

I was 28 when I was diagnosed and it was pretty mixed really, as soon as I told my mum about Asperger's and explained traits etc she could easily see it in me and she was involved with my diagnosis (she had to be interviewed).

My husband when I first told him I thought I had AS he wasn't very supportive particularly when I said I thought our daughter had it too, then eventually as I told him more and more about it he said maybe but then maybe I was wrong. After the diagnosis he said he was being like that because he didn't want me to get my hopes raised and then be told it wasn't AS because of the upset that would follow. He slowly came around to the idea of our daughter having it too and by the time she was diagnosed nearly a year later he was very much "yeah I knew it".

My dad flipped out, first he tried to blame my mum, then the fact they got divorced then he went on some weird rant about everyone being a bit different and having issues(and then he told me about the time he tried to strangle my mum with a handbag strap). Only other time he's mentioned it is when he tried to excuse his and his partner's terrible behaviour on them being normal and me being "different" (basically saying because I have Asperger's I couldn't possibly understand their point of view).

My brother barely speaks to me, we don't keep in touch and when I visit my mum and he's there we say maybe 5 words to each other...I despise him alot for the mental torture he put me through.

Two of my aunts were very supportive when I posted about it on facebook, they said it made sense and they thought I was just a shy quiet child but looking back it made sense. Same with people from my old school, they assumed I was just quiet/shy and a bit weird they had no idea there was something wrong with me(yeah thanks for that). One of the mums from my daughter's school was very nice and again same spiel of assuming I was just shy/quiet/a bit different and never would have guessed.

My in-laws were very supportive, my mother in law went a bit over the top, every Saturday we took the little one shopping after I told her all of a sudden it was "are you sure you want to go? I can turn the car around if it's too much for you", it was sweet at first but soon became annoying when every last thing we did together she questioned "is this okay?" "is this too loud?" "is the crowd too much?"...my husband had a little word with her because it was just getting ridiculous.

 

[Wessicht]

So far I have refused to disclose my diagnosis to anyone. If someone directly asks me if I have aspergers/autism spectrum disorder, I do have a documented diagnosis, and I will tell them as such. However, if a person does not ask, then I will not mention. I'm high functioning enough to where I can socialize better than most typicals, if the situation requires it. Having said that, I doubt anyone would seriously consider me handicapped, and so I see no reason ask for services of that sort.

 

[Samurai]

To be honest, I did not really have anyone to tell about my diagnosis, other than my friends. That was that. ~

 

[Divrom]

It really threw me.

I had gone for my diagnostic assessment(s) not really minding what the result was. I just wanted to know either way. Yet, when I got the diagnosis, it was as if I couldn't think about anything else. I've never been more Aspie!

And I still don't really like it. To be brutally honest - and hopefully not offensive - I don't mind being Aspie, but I don't like being Autistic.

 

[Thesaurusrex]

I was diagnosed last year, at 24. I was personally relieved to receive an official diagnosis, it meant my suspicions were right and I wasn't just hopeless! It also meant my psychologist and other careworkers had more information to work with and better ways to approach helping me deal with things like anxiety. After the relief was the frustration period of accepting that my issues aren't as simple as social/general anxiety, and I can't just be fixed by taking some medication. I still swing back and forth between the frustration and acceptance, depending on the day.

My immediate family has all reacted similarly in really having no reaction at all, having a label has no influence to them on how much of a weirdo I am, they are all fairly accepting regardless but not all that interested in learning more.

My friends have been about the same (the few that I have an offline relationship with). My diagnosis lead to my closest friend realising he also exhibits some similar behaviours and while not officially diagnosed (mostly due to his being quite socially adept), his psychologist acknowledges this. The only one who seems to have had an issue with it also has an autistic niece, so there seems to be some conflict there for her, though the reason is beyond me.

 

[grapesicles]

Apologies for digging up an older thread but thought I would post here rather than make a new topic!

I've only recently been diagnosed & have only told a few people since. My psychologist boyfriend is the one who pushed me (in the nicest way possible) to get a diagnosis, which is helpful for him to understand me better. I told one friend who reacted very positively, & told another friend who has dyspraxia who said "I'm sorry to hear that" - I'm sure he meant well but it's not as if I'm sick!

I haven't told my parents or any family members yet, since I'm not great at communicating with them properly anyway. They're quite old-fashioned so I don't know how they'd react. My dad already knows I have problems with anxiety and he'd tried to be accommodating about it, which was good. My boyfriend and a friend of his who works with autistic children said they're both 100% sure my mum would get a diagnosis for AS as well, but I don't think it's anything she's considered or that she understands.

 

[Warwick C]

Grapesicle: I think for you at this stage it may be good ffor you just to carry on learning more about A.S, and tell your parents when you feel comortable.
If you are able to tell your father because you think your father would be more understanding, may be he can help you to tell your mother by supporting
you through it.

A big benifit could be depending on how they react, is a big wieght of your shoulders and being able to move forward in steps.

For me I have had a lot of support, form alot of people. Only my mother brushed it off, as general diagnoses, but I am not worried.