Growing up I was the "normal" one, my brother and sister were diagnosed as adhd and grew up in special ed, I was told that I had an active imagination. But other than me being smart, having more common sense than the other kids around me, I was thought to be "normal." But as I got older I felt more and more self consious. The first time I remember feeling real anxiety and may have indicated something was different about me was in the first grade, when I got in trouble for something at school, was told to stand in the corner, except I didn't realize that I was in trouble, I assumed I was told to stand in the corner because we were going to play hide and seek, I started counting, but then realized i didn't hear anyone moving. Thank goodness I didn't count out loud. But then I felt very embarrassed and couldn't figure out what i had done wrong, (I had commented on how good the air felt when the window had been opened and had forgotten that we were supposed to be quiet). And sometimes I would say or do something that turned out be rather embarrassing, like shoving my shoe in people's face to prove that I my feet were indeed larger than average, I think I was trying to make conversation or something. But school started to feel harder, making and keeping friends was harder, it got to where I really just wanted to be invisible. I remember my mother telling a woman that I wasn't interested in the boys because I was much more mature than they were. I liked that theory better, than what I really thought, or what other kids said, so I let her think that. I had a ton of crushes on boys but had no confidence. My parents were rather inconsistant in their parenting and the rules were confusing. My father would get really angry and I was always waiting for him to fly off the handle. I was always terrified. My parents weren't real affectionate, my dad was always telling us how much he hated kids, that he found us in a dumpster under a pizza box, that i sounded like a dying cat when i sang, and how much of an inconvenience we were to him.
Now when it was suggest I might have it, my grandma said hmm as... what? hmm I have never heard of that. Except she has heard of it many times, because my brother has it, and when I call my grandma now and mention it she says the same thing again. My brother thinks my dad might have asperger's and I am starting to think he might as well. I think my sister has it too. I just bought aspergirls to be sent to her for her to see if it feels right. This family that we grew up with, while I think they support my brother with it, cause I think they always thought he was different anyway. And I am sure how they feel about me having it, but they don't think my sister has it, the youngest of the family says my sister doesn't have it because "she isn't selfish and people with asperger's are selfish" That really hurt because he was the one I had felt closest to when I moved away from there about 6 years ago. I am bothered by the ignorance, but also that he thinks that my brother is selfish (which he isn't) and I don't know if he thinks I have it or not, but if he thinks I do I guess he thinks that i must be selfish as well.) My grandma had been saying that I was selfish and not sentimental.
