How Do I Explain Things Better? (Relationship Advice)

[NicoleAscot]

Earlier today I was in the car with my girlfriend and we were stopped at a really long red light near our house.
I pointed to something that wasn't usually there and tried really hard to explain to her what I thought was interesting.
Back-and-forth we went to with me trying to get her to understand what I was showing her, with her never quite getting it.
We drove along in silence for several minutes because I was extremely irritated at her for not understanding what I was trying to say.
It finally occurred to me that it wasn't her fault at all. It was literally mean not expressing exactly what I wanted to. She was not able to understand me, because of how I was explaining something.
Before my diagnosis, these type of arguments could turn really ugly, but I'm now realizing that sometimes I really don't make any sense to others.
I wasn't mad at her anymore, but instead, upset that I didn't know how to explain things so that another person could enjoy the experience with me. How do others manage relationships when one of you Is an Aspie?

 

[OlLiE]

in my opinion, the real question is if you think that she can actually appreciate it the same way as you do? it may be easier to explain to her why you liked it what it was that appealed to you, this may give her more insight into you. asking her to share your enjoyment the same way you do may be a step to far, but if she can recognise and be happy that you are enjoying something then that's already something. there are plenty of things that i enjoy that my girlfriend will never understand, but she doesn't need to, she knows that i enjoy those things and i derive a degree of happiness from her understanding and acceptance of me rather than her sharing my enjoyment of the activity or object.

 

[Momo]

One way to help explain things is to break the idea down into smaller parts, bite-sized if you like, and then explain. I find that giving a big overview can be too complicated sometimes. But it may also be that your girlfriend simply doesn't understand or see things the same way you do, so there may never be the same level of understanding. It's sad, but it can happen.

 

[NicoleAscot]

Yes, to me it was "oh so obvious" what I was talking about, but to her, it wasn't at all. She kept asked what I was talking about.
I was frustrated because I felt like "she should see this! It should be clear to anyone".
Obviously it wasn't and I need to figure out how to "know" when I'm not making sense to others. But I never figure it out until later, when I've had time to reflect and play the situation in my head over and over.

Either way, having my diagnoses has made it easier to comprehend why others don't always understand me.