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How do I get through to my mother?

Explosition_Rooster

Explosition_Rooster

Well-Known Member
Well me and my mother had a big fight and now things are at a low point. But first, some background.

I don't want to talk bad about her, but she thinks that when I have my meltdowns that it's just me 'acting out' and that my Autism is an excuse rather than something that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life.

My brother was just here for the past two weeks and she told me to not start anything with him (me and him have fought for most of our lives). So I didn't, but I also didn't want to be sociable with anyone; it just didn't interest me because I didn't think that anything had changed in his life. Also, I was not really in the mood. His stay ended with a big fight between me and my mother. It was bad, as I really wanted to hurt her for the things that I think she's done to me.

After the fight, I choose to take a walk to clear my head and to stop me from doing anything that I might regret. When I came back, she had taken the door to my room and forced me into a 'lights out' thing. Now I'm panicking, I'm angry all the time and I just can't handle it.

What makes it worse is that she asked me how to get through. I didn't know the answer, but I knew what wouldn't work and I shared that with her, but she didn't believe it because it didn't include the solution, which also made me even more angry.

So how do I get through to her? How do I make her understand that the 'brute force' approach will not work and will only make things worse and that she has to take the time to study on my condition and understand it more.
 
Maybe try to sit down with her in a let's talk kind of thing. But have some pamphelets about AS or internet articles and suggest that she read them and listen to what you know won't work for you. I hope that you can help her to see you more clearly. Sometimes I have the same trouble with my mom she knows some things about AS but doesn't understand other things. When you live with family it can be hard to have them understand. I would come at this in terms of talking to her about how you feel you are misunderstood and to better understand you you would like her to read some things. :)
 
Maybe you could find some visuals to help. Not everyone like to read, so different format(s) may help get your point across (as I need to try to do in teaching!!)

Maybe an episode of Trading Spouses, and comparing clips and the resolution of the episode to a resolution for your situation. You could call some reality show up, but the pressure might be too much for you or your family. You might find something much easier with visuals, as working on something like many Trading Spouses episodes just to look for the right one(s) might be impractical use of your time.
 
Write her a carefully worded letter. Get her a book, although she will probably delay reading it until you move out or something.
 
Thanks to everyone who came out and gave me help; me and my mother have worked things out so far, though I still have much work on the relationship with her. She's also a bit more believing in my Autism, but she does feel that I still need to get out more and to become more independent in life.
 
Explosition_Rooster said:
Thanks to everyone who came out and gave me help; me and my mother have worked things out so far, though I still have much work on the relationship with her. She's also a bit more believing in my Autism, but she does feel that I still need to get out more and to become more independent in life.
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Good to hear. As long as she can understand that for her they are words of encouragement. For us in many cases it's an outright struggle that doesn't necessarily change with age.

Makes me wonder if Lenin had A/S. "One step forward, two steps backward".
 
I should also have added earlier do not ever respond to someone's arguments by wanting to hurt them (physically or emotionally) intentionally. You're better off leaving the situation if you are about to do that. Everything else can wait in that circumstance.

I know how you feel. Each person is different, so you have to determine that yourself as best as you can. If your mom supports you as mine does, then love her as much as you can and just live your life as much as you can. Just deal with the situations as they come is all you can do. My mom can continue to cut me off and say that I don't love her and that I am a failure and not believe me or my own experiences about the job world today. She only sees what is in her small town and doesn't understand dynamics beyond what she is used to. She drags me out to senseless local basketball games that I don't enjoy, and it has become a yearly tradition and a waste of money. It's not like my first time doing it or something like that.

She does still support me like no one else would. In the end, I have to just put up with all the "shenanigans" and realize that it's not always me doing bad things and that I have to deal with the trauma of change, inflexibility, and temper tantrums the best that I can.
 
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