How do I make friends with a family member with autism?

[Nina9888]

Hello! I am new here and therefore just beginning my journey in understanding the disorders of the autistic spector. Also, I am not a native English speaker and I apologize for possible mistakes of the auto-translator
I would like to make friends with my cousin. He is 3 years old and was diagnosed with autism six months ago. At present: he does not talk at all, repeats movements with his hands, moos or shouts, moves a lot and does not respond to his name or requests
His family came to our town for the summer and stayed with his grandmother so that he could safely play in the yard and garden without unnecessary glances from passers-by
For the last 3 days, I've been trying to play with him. I already realized that he would not play like other children and tried to repeat after him. We tore up the grass in the yard together, and then threw it up, played "airplane" when I picked him up and circled (he really likes it) and just was with him when, in rare moments, he looked into my eyes for a few seconds and smiled. He is indifferent to toys, books, rattles and the like. He also gets very upset when he sees my glasses and tries to take them off (I have poor eyesight. I had to take them off and navigate by the colored spots).
My question is, what kind of games did you like as a child (if you have asd), or your child/friend/family member with asd?
I would also be very grateful for advice on how to help him develop his speech (he can make sounds and words reminiscent of mama, but only in moments of stress). I've heard that sign language is also useful in this case, is it true?
I would also like to mention that his parents also know little about autism and are just learning to take care of such a child, so they will not be able to ask them about many things. I didn't find much information in my native language and I would be grateful to anyone who responds.

 

[jsilver256]

My youngest did not play with toys or play pretend either. He had a fondness for exploring the house, finding household objects, and relocating them to another part of the house or drawer. He also had a fondness for taking apart things. He enjoyed nature as well and playgrounds.

My youngest is verbal, but has problems communicating his needs or emotions. He spoke very little until he was closer to the age of 4, then was able to speak full sentences. The doctor recommended speech intervention for him, but this was during the COVID years when it was basically pointless, so I can't help there.

 

[Alexej]

HI and Welcome @Nina9888

Glad to have you with us. What is your native language? - we have a range of folk here with different language abilities.
Note however, that the threads do get translated to english so all folk can participate in the discussion.

Regarding the specifics of your question, I leave other folks on the Forum to respond

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome, @Nina9888.

I think starting to learn signs is a great idea - I don't think you necessarily have to engage in learning or teaching any official sign language at this point, but you can begin to incorporate certain signs for certain words and start using them regularly. I also think it can be good to speak to him alot - explain things you are doing in a calm, quiet voice. Even though he may not reciprocate and say things back, he is likely still learning from hearing you use words with him.

I think, as much as possible, it's nice for children to be outside and be exposed to natural things like mud and stones and running water. He may not like all of these things, but you may find that he loves some of them.

I think one thing that I wished people knew when I was young that it was sometimes nice to have a person there, but not always interacting. I needed attention, of course, but didn't like too much of it. Too much attention caused me to shy away whereas the calm presence of another would draw me in.

 

[Nina9888]

Hello and welcome, @Nina9888.

I think starting to learn signs is a great idea - I don't think you necessarily have to engage in learning or teaching any official sign language at this point, but you can begin to incorporate certain signs for certain words and start using them regularly. I also think it can be good to speak to him alot - explain things you are doing in a calm, quiet voice. Even though he may not reciprocate and say things back, he is likely still learning from hearing you use words with him.

I think, as much as possible, it's nice for children to be outside and be exposed to natural things like mud and stones and running water. He may not like all of these things, but you may find that he loves some of them.

I think one thing that I wished people knew when I was young that it was sometimes nice to have a person there, but not always interacting. I needed attention, of course, but didn't like too much of it. Too much attention caused me to shy away whereas the calm presence of another would draw me in.

Thanks for the answer! I will try to be unobtrusive and friendly so as not to become annoying for him.
I think I'll learn a few gestures of the official sign language and if it resonates with my cousin, I'll study it more

 

[Tom]

You may not find a predictable list of things autistic kids like. Simply because it is unpredictable. It may be a matter of trying different things and seeing what they take to and then persuing that interest. Three years old is also rather young so I would expect it to be more experiencal rather then interlectual. For instance they like blowing bubbles or being pushed around in a chair. Associating the word with the activity over a long period of time can yield some results, but do it in a happy way.

 

[Nina9888]

You may not find a predictable list of things autistic kids like. Simply because it is unpredictable. It may be a matter of trying different things and seeing what they take to and then persuing that interest. Three years old is also rather young so I would expect it to be more experiencal rather then interlectual. For instance they like blowing bubbles or being pushed around in a chair. Associating the word with the activity over a long period of time can yield some results, but do it in a happy way.

Thanks for the answer! Such answers give me peace of mind and confidence, because before that I really didn't know much about autism. My first interaction (as with many of my relatives) with my cousin was awkward, as we did not understand how to behave. But now I feel more aware

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

I will sit on the floor, near but not too near, and play along side a child with autism. I let her make the first move toward me. I can at times play with toys already on the floor. No quick moves. I speak in a soft voice about what I am doing/playing. I try to go with whatever she seems to want to go.

Sometimes the child might want to sniff me and that is okay with me. I figure that is a way for the child to learn about me.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

If you aren't sure what to do in a certain situation, I think a good idea is always also to just sit quietly next to the child and just let them play, while you're simply there with them. I think I would have loved that as a child.

 

[Peter Morrison]

My kindergarten report card indicated that I didn't like group activities. I would always entertain myself. I was fortunate enough to have classic wooden blocks at home. I kept myself busy stacking them and building forts. I also liked having model cars and trucks with flashing lights. Crayons and coloring books also grabbed my attention. The important part is that I did these things alone. Activities around me would break my concentration.

 

[All-Rounder]

I did a lot of roleplay with my toys, making up stories, I liked to come up with nice sounding American names for the animals, English fascinated me and still does, though it's not my mother tongue.

I adored 3d animals even if small, I had a very small black dog which could sit because the back legs were bendable. I was always into dogs, it was my main special interest.

I hated other kids taking my toys, I'd feel heartbroken and hurt lol and I'd cry like all hell broke loose. But I hated the small amount of toys I had and seeing others play and me not have any, i wanted the toys.

Autistic people are more prone to assign feelings to objects so we can get attached to objects or fascinated more than others.

There was a swing that had this perfect view when you'd go up that had these giant oriental like trees that were probably evergreens and it was a dream, I'd focus on them with the adrenaline of the swing, it was the best thing in life.