How do I respond?

[Owliet]

I am somewhat in shock — I never have people who i know in real life reach out to me, especially after such a long time has passed but an old acquaintance from university has just reached out and sent me an email and I dont really know how to respond because I dont know the best way to respond. It is not a negative thing, I am just really in shock. I think if i responded with a simple hello, then it is quite limited but I dont want to go into depth. I guess what I am asking for, is how much information do I give to something that is asked as a “how are you”? I dont want to overshare…or ramble. Like I am doing now…it is really positive and a good thing. So I dont want to mess it up.=)

 

[Mr. Stevens]

That kind of thing can be tough. I often wait about a day (or whatever amount of time feels right), just to let my thoughts settle. Then I have a better sense of what I need to say and what I want to say. Otherwise, I may act more on impulse.

 

[Owliet]

That kind of thing can be tough. I often wait about a day (or whatever amount of time feels right), just to let my thoughts settle. Then I have a better sense of what I need to say and what I want to say. Otherwise, I may act more on impulse.

I feel like I have a variety of thoughts and none of them are making clear sense. it takes a lot for me to reach out to others too, and I find it difficult to not worry that I say too much or too little. I think I will take your advice and just wait a day to think what I can say.

In the same way, I had a student (I didnt give them my contact details either so I am a bit confused how they contacted me) who messaged me on WhatsApp to wish me a seasons greetings and new year, I still haven’t responded to that, although it was nice to receive that and like my mentor said yesterday when I told him, I must have had a good impact to have that type of reaching out.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Yeah, give it time then. Even if there is a lot you're thinking of sharing, you don't have to share it all at once, either. And if these people are trustworthy then you might not need to worry about how you're perceived. They probably like you for you. That's awesome that you have made an impact

 

[Owliet]

Yeah, give it time then. Even if there is a lot you're thinking of sharing, you don't have to share it all at once, either. And if these people are trustworthy then you might not need to worry about how you're perceived. They probably like you for you. That's awesome that you have made an impact

Thank you.=)

I think that is the concern that I do also overshare and trust far too much — so I will consider how best to respond, maybe write a draft and then edit before sending it in email.

 

[Aneka]

Some people send out new years greetings to all their whatsapp contacts. Someone wished me a Happy New Year 2008 this year.

The person who has written an e-mail- it looks like they really wanted to get in touch again. I believe you're a good memory and left an impact.

 

[Owliet]

Some people send out new years greetings to all their whatsapp contacts. Someone wished me a Happy New Year 2008 this year.

The person who has written an e-mail- it looks like they really wanted to get in touch again. I believe you're a good memory and left an impact.

The student’s message was directed at me so it wasn’t one of the random greetings to everyone: Frau_________,

Yes, I have not heard from this fellow university student in 8 years, and I didnt really expect someone to keep my email, and reach out like that — especially considering that my last friendship was the longest one I had and that was from university too.

Then again, I am always shocked whenever I get PMs on this forum.

Maybe, I just dont believe that people think that I am worthwhile….

 

[Aneka]

The student’s message was directed at me so it wasn’t one of the random greetings to everyone: Frau_________,

Yes, I have not heard from this fellow university student in 8 years, and I didnt really expect someone to keep my email, and reach out like that — especially considering that my last friendship was the longest one I had and that was from university too.

Then again, I am always shocked whenever I get PMs on this forum.

Maybe, I just dont believe that people think that I am worthwhile….

Well, I also sent out a new year greeting to a teacher I highly respected for her fairness and kindness. (She no longer is my teacher)
Some students might do it simply because you are a great teacher, others do it out of courtesy and some probably hope for bonus points.

 

[Owliet]

Well, I also sent out a new year greeting to a teacher I highly respected for her fairness and kindness. (She no longer is my teacher)
Some students might do it simply because you are a great teacher, others do it out of courtesy and some probably hope for bonus points.

Bonus points wouldn’t have helped this student - since I dont teach them anymore, and they graduated from school. It is possible that it was a courtesy one although again, never gave out my contact details to anyone; and its weird if you give yours out to students regardless of good intentions, so the fact that this student actively somehow managed to get mine to wish seasons greeting, I’m still perplexed as to how they managed to do that since my contact number is not found anywhere online So that means that an ex- colleague gave my contact details out. That’s a big Effort to do just for a courtesy message, and I dont bother doing things like that. I mean with this university acquaintance, its really nice that he’s reached out after this amount of time too, but one of th rasons why I dont reach out to people also is because of the lenght of time between if it is too Long, I am more reluctant to reach out Because I worry that I am bothering them. I had a post awhile back when I was asking if I should message my ex-colleagues with a season greeting because I had been told to do that by my mom, even my dad, and the support worker I haD from the Autism clinic here and I ended up doing it,only because my mentor said it was a good way to network and they wanted to stay in some form of contact, otherwise I would not have seen the point in reaching out to anyone because it had been months. I guess my point is, that I do think that sometimes I dont seem to understand that for some people its important to maintain or redo connections, and maybe its not really helped that I have the idea that if they are not around me for a while, then they dont want to know and if I reach out then that means I bother them and they wont want to be bothered By me.

 

[Outdated]

Some people get very nostalgic about old connections and acquaintances, it might just be that they were reminiscing and you were part of a fond memory.

I don't have this, I rarely feel that Need for a connection.

 

[VictorR]

one of th rasons why I dont reach out to people also is because of the lenght of time between if it is too Long, I am more reluctant to reach out Because I worry that I am bothering them. I had a post awhile back when I was asking if I should message my ex-colleagues with a season greeting because I had been told to do that by my mom, even my dad, and the support worker I haD from the Autism clinic here and I ended up doing it,only because my mentor said it was a good way to network and they wanted to stay in some form of contact, otherwise I would not have seen the point in reaching out to anyone because it had been months. I guess my point is, that I do think that sometimes I dont seem to understand that for some people its important to maintain or redo connections, and maybe its not really helped that I have the idea that if they are not around me for a while, then they dont want to know and if I reach out then that means I bother them and they wont want to be bothered By me.

I've also never really been into the idea of networking, which is funny because as a job search coach, I preach it. LOL.

I guess the issue is that networking in general seems like "small talk" which isn't my thing, and I feel like unless I really have something to say, that I am bothering them.

 

[Aspychata]

You don't even have to respond since it is a very limited contact. If it was a teacher, then you may want to respond. You decide what to do at the end of the day.

 

[Suzanne]

I had similar, but with an ex boyfriend, who I was with for 2 and half years and it was the longest at the time and we had a very intense relationship. Although it ended on even terms, he did cause a lot of emotional turmoil in my heart and in truth, I had spent a few years, day dreaming about suddenly meeting up with him or something and then, 30 YEAR'S later, he messages me on facebook and my reaction was much the same as yours. I was confused; excited and just plain surreal.

I ended up oversharing with him and for goodness sake, he made me feel ashamed for being online a lot! But, in truth, that was my own doing.

It did get tricky, though, because he claimed to be in a relationship and related that he mentioned to his woman that if she refused him to keep in contact with me, he would end things with her and they have two children together. So, with that, I blocked him!

The beautiful aspect of emails and texts is that one can reflect on what to say first and I have learnt to do this, as I get texts messages, that utterly confuse me, but after a few minutes of getting back in control, I reread and it is no where near as confusing as I first thought.

 

[Progster]

How much information did they give you in their email? I would reply with a corresponding level of detail. If you don't want to give personal information or much detail you don't have to, though. You could just say, Hi, thanks for your email, good to hear from you again. Glad you're doing ok. Wish you all the best for 2023.

 

[Owliet]

I've also never really been into the idea of networking, which is funny because as a job search coach, I preach it. LOL.

I guess the issue is that networking in general seems like "small talk" which isn't my thing, and I feel like unless I really have something to say, that I am bothering them.

I do understand why a lot of people argue the need for networking — but I really dont see the point. It would make life so much easier if one didnt have to network all the time in everything. Also, I feel strongly related to the cartoon.=D

The beautiful aspect of emails and texts is that one can reflect on what to say first and I have learnt to do this, as I get texts messages, that utterly confuse me, but after a few minutes of getting back in control, I reread and it is no where near as confusing as I first thought.

Yes, that is true. Even on the forum i can take my time, edit — unfortuantely,not possible in conversations that are verbal. =(

How much information did they give you in their email? I would reply with a corresponding level of detail. If you don't want to give personal information or much detail you don't have to, though. You could just say, Hi, thanks for your email, good to hear from you again. Glad you're doing ok. Wish you all the best for 2023.

It was more like wanting to catch up after not keeping in contact over the years with other friends from university.Asked me the loaded question of how are you and how have you been. I cant really determine how much detail I should give, but I think I will take inspiration from what you have written here Progster as it is very helpful and effective.=)

 

[YabbaDabba]

If you do choose to message this student; I would be careful to not offer much. You really have no way of verifying if this person is who they say they are unless you meet in person. Something I assume would be unlikely to happen.

 

[Owliet]

If you do choose to message this student; I would be careful to not offer much. You really have no way of verifying if this person is who they say they are unless you meet in person. Something I assume would be unlikely to happen.

University student acquaitance i assume is in another country, I’m back in my home country, so minor chance of ever meeting up and I dont have any intention of doing so, but I do understand the caution.=)

 

[Rodafina]

I’ve had something similar happen recently. It is a childhood friend who I kept in contact with sporadically… Possibly 1 to 2 times per year. That faded and it’s been just over seven years since we were in contact in any way and I just received an email.

I’ve been perplexed in many of the ways that you have described, Owliet. The main thing causing me paralysis is they said “hey, how have you been? What have you been up to for the last seven years?”

Something in my brain will not move forward with just a cursory note and not detail what I have actually been up to for seven years. There’s been so much that has happened - how do I gloss over it all in a brief email?

I don’t think they were actually looking for my biography, and yet my brain will not let me write through my mask anymore. If they really want to know how I’m doing and what I’ve been up too, it will take a lot of explaining.

 

[Luca]

I've also never really been into the idea of networking, which is funny because as a job search coach, I preach it. LOL.

I guess the issue is that networking in general seems like "small talk" which isn't my thing, and I feel like unless I really have something to say, that I am bothering them.

@VictorR This comic is so me lol!

@Owliet I agree with all the advice you've been given here so far.
I'm like you, I'm always shocked when people initiate private conversations with me, because I don't feel like I'm worthwhile either, or particularly interesting or helpful most of the time. I also always feel like I'm bothering everyone and don't want to burden or inconvenience them.
For what it's worth, I am always happy to chat with you and I've enjoyed when we've messaged each other on here, and just interacting with you on the forums

To me, the fact that someone has reached out to you in a more personal way does mean that they really do like you and that they want the contact.
Hearing that they went out of their way and put in so much effort to contact you makes me feel like you must be really important to them.

Respond in whatever way makes you feel the most comfortable, and maybe let them know how much it means to you that they have reached out. You could potentially arrange a small, simple meetup with the person at a coffee shop or a market or something. Just to catch up and chat with them.
If meeting in person isn't comfortable for you at this point, then you can just have a text conversation at your own pace, and see where it goes!

I also panic when I get text messages from people I haven't heard from in a long time.
Just yesterday actually, I got a text message from an old college friend saying essentially "I hope you're well and you are having a wonderful New Year!" and I was thrown off at first so took my time with responding, but we did have a short conversation and it did make me happy. You never know who might want to reconnect after you've been apart for a few years!

 

[Owliet]

I did end up messaging this university friend back. I kept the response short and took inspiration from what @Progster suggested.