How do you deal with sudden, unexpected change?

[As sweet as-pie]

I can deal with change if it's me that instigates it, but if it's someone else I completely shut down and have to deal with overwhelming stress. It's my birthday this weekend and me and 2 friends have been planning since march, but sadly due to unforseen circumstances, my best friends parents have decided she can't come, and so the plans are ruined in my pov. I've been having this image in my head of my birthday for weeks and I was so excited that I was actually going to have a good birthday. But now I'm going to be alone and probably dwelling on the plans we had. I feel like I'm going insane, I'm riddled with stress and anxiety about it.

How do you guys deal with sudden and unexpected change like this?

 

[wanderer03]

I can deal with change if it's me that instigates it, but if it's someone else I completely shut down and have to deal with overwhelming stress. It's my birthday this weekend and me and 2 friends have been planning since march, but sadly due to unforseen circumstances, my best friends parents have decided she can't come, and so the plans are ruined in my pov. I've been having this image in my head of my birthday for weeks and I was so excited that I was actually going to have a good birthday. But now I'm going to be alone and probably dwelling on the plans we had. I feel like I'm going insane, I'm riddled with stress and anxiety about it.

How do you guys deal with sudden and unexpected change like this?

I can totally deal with change so long as it is a course that I have decided upon or so long as I have some control, no matter how tiny. If neither of these conditions can be met, all bets are off. Maybe I should clarify that I don't handle change well when the reasons for the change make no sense at all.

 

[As sweet as-pie]

I can totally deal with change so long as it is a course that I have decided upon or so long as I have some control, no matter how tiny. If neither of these conditions can be met, all bets are off. Maybe I should clarify that I don't handle change well when the reasons for the change make no sense at all.

Yeah, I'm the same. Like I said I've had no control in this and the changes make no sense to me, her parents just have a lot against me unfortunately. I'm not handling the stress very well

 

[Tom]

This is notoriously common with autism in general, that totally derailed feeling when plans are changed.

Many times its relatively small changes that can throw you for a loop and in those cases I think the best approach is to force yourself to be mature about it and control yourself. Deal with it and move on.

In this case it is a more significant change and its natural to be disappointed, not just an autistic reaction. So I think you can allow yourself a period of being depressed about it. Its good though to limit it. After your grieving, pick yourself up and move on to other thoughts and plans.

I like to put these disappointments and annoyances in perspective by saying to myself 'Well it's not the end of the World.' It reminds me not only that it is not earth shattering, but more to the point that the world, not ended, still goes on and there are other things I have to do, places to go, people to see, etc.

 

[wanderer03]

I agree with wanderer03, if it's change I instigate it's okay. What causes me to unravel is the sudden change without any warning or options. My Director is bad about pulling me off a task for something stupid, so that screws me up for the rest of the day. I think he has finally figured out that I'm not being insubordinate, but rather the sudden change is like throwing your car in reverse at 70 MPH. There are going to be problems, noises, etc.

I guess it also doesn't help when your director is the textbook definition of a sociopath. I know my VP is. He doesn't even smile so much as leer. He loves to find little things to throw me off and takes particular delight in watching me have difficulty adapting. Today, he told me I had to remove my light jacket because it doesn't conform to uniform standards. Last time I checked, my company does not provide a uniform jacket. But he's a VP so he's untouchable.

 

[wanderer03]

You hit the nail on the head. He's also one of those types with a Napoleon complex. Fortunately he's retiring November 1, so I'm just counting the days. Here's his picture:

Hahaha! Nice!

 

[wanderer03]

But I shall have the last laugh! I'm just going to idle the bus to keep warm. The funny thing about sociopaths is they are generally shoot from the hip types with very little regard or concern for the consequences of their actions.

 

[pax]

Hahaha! Nice!

You mean I'm not the only one?

 

[Crossbreed]

I (almost) always have a plan B.

 

[buttercuplols]

Love Sportster's description...

'The sudden change is like throwing your car in reverse at 70 MPH. There are going to be problems, noises, etc.'

That sums it up perfectly for me!

 

[buttercuplols]

And in response to the original question. I don't! It's my major struggle and source of arguments with those around me. Sometimes the change hasn't even happened yet in real life! It's just that what happens in reality doesn't match up with 'The Plan' in my head. E.g: Today. 'The Plan' was a day to myself doing the washing, tidying and finishing my book. My NT partner took a duvet day from work and was shocked I wasn't delighted we had the day together! I had to sit outside in the shed and cry by myself for a little so I didn't have a full blown meltdown!