How do you discuss the future with your loved one?

[SimplyWandering]

Ive been accused of being too blunt with people at times....

My boyfriend is in his late 30s and going for his Bachelor's degree ( after a career in the military), but he keeps switching his major and doesn't do the work or turn things in on time ( his average grade is a C, whichever he needs to maintain.) He needs to take a full course of credits in order to get the money to pay for the classes from the military/pay rent.
I am a perfectionist and was the study , must have an "A" mindset in college.

He says he likes my honesty.

How am I supposed to approach this, it pains me to see him struggle and I'm more of a Sheldon Cooper " There There... There There." Sarcastic personality.

There are 2 weeks fore break and he is doing a 10 page paper ( that is from a previous semester that the professor is still allowing, he gets a fail if he doesn't get it in before the break is over) that might take 2 weeks at his speed, meanwhile I want to plan somewhere to go... but am not sure if he will finish.

Am I being selfish and how do I address this?

 

[Starfire]

I would wait for a quiet time free from distractions and ask to talk, and if it’s a time good for both of you, talk about it. It doesn’t have to be more complicated that.

I don’t know if you’re being selfish, but if he has important work to do and not much time to do it he may feel under a lot of pressure. He may feel now is not the right time to plan going away.

You could try saying something along the lines of “if you can really get going, and finish your paper we could go away for a break and you could relax, and we’ll have a good time.” That could be an incentive to do it.

It may be very short notice though, and you might be better off planning a longer trip later in the year when the pressure is off.

You could also go somewhere without him, the less distractions he has the more he can concentrate on his work, so you have a holiday and he has a set allocated time to do what he has to without any, or a limited amount of distractions.

 

[Bolletje]

I have told my boyfriend that I love him and I really see a future for us, if he stops working as a bartender, cuts back on drinking and starts working a job with hours during the daytime.
I love my boyfriend as a person, but I don’t love the prospect of dating a bartender the rest of my life. It was fun for a while, but I’m ready for a more adult lifestyle. I don’t want children now, but I want to be with someone which whom I could raise children if we decided to have them.
If he doesn’t want to quit being a bartender, I respect that and don’t love him any less for it, but it will be the end of our relationship because we’re just going in different directions in our life.

So yeah, that’s basically what I told him. It’s blunt, but it’s effective as he now knows the price of admission for our ongoing relationship

I scheduled a moment and a place with him to have this talk, so we’d both free up our schedules and have no distractions.

 

[Mr Allen]

When I was about 14 (going on 15) my ex from school kind of "proposed" to me on Valentine's Day 1991, my response as I recall was "Ooh I don't know", in hindsight I half wish I'd said yes because I did like her, you know, like that, but she had an annoying Brother who I didn't get on with.

 

[On the Inside]

Your bf sounds a lot like me in terms of school performance. This issue definitely was a problem in my relationship, both for me and my partner.

Writing papers is excruciating for me, it takes me forever, and it still turns out poorly. My partner was also an A student and is very organized, she was baffled and frustrated that I would stay up most of the night trying to write, then only have one page for all the trouble.

Needless to say, that means a lot less time for fun and being tohether. There were even trips we took where I was supposed to get thst paper finished. Ruined the trip, the paper was still late, etc

You have a right to want to take a trip on your break. He has the responsibility to finish the paper. I dont see how this gets resolved satisfactorily.

You could do what my partner and i did a couple of times. I did what i could writing the paper, then she "edited" it so it met the page count required, and we went on our merry way.

Not the most ethical solution, but since this was before I was diagnosed (this issue was actually the big red bell that led to being diagnosed) I have since shrugged it off as " reasonable accommodation".

 

[George Newman]

Opposites attract, yes?

 

[I love roses]

Ive been accused of being too blunt with people at times....

My boyfriend is in his late 30s and going for his Bachelor's degree ( after a career in the military), but he keeps switching his major and doesn't do the work or turn things in on time ( his average grade is a C, whichever he needs to maintain.) He needs to take a full course of credits in order to get the money to pay for the classes from the military/pay rent.
I am a perfectionist and was the study , must have an "A" mindset in college.

He says he likes my honesty.

How am I supposed to approach this, it pains me to see him struggle and I'm more of a Sheldon Cooper " There There... There There." Sarcastic personality.

There are 2 weeks fore break and he is doing a 10 page paper ( that is from a previous semester that the professor is still allowing, he gets a fail if he doesn't get it in before the break is over) that might take 2 weeks at his speed, meanwhile I want to plan somewhere to go... but am not sure if he will finish.

Am I being selfish and how do I address this?

Have the talk, but don’t expect change. He may even change for a while. but he will revert back to his basic self. He might permanently quit the bartending though depending on why he is working there.

 

[SimplyWandering]

I decided to have him read this thread today, and he unexpectedly gave me a hug and thanked me for caring so much. I don't think he is going to finish the paper though, he only had a quarter of the research needed and it is due tomorrow. He has no idea what grade he'll get if he turns it in, might be docked some letters.

 

[Bella Pines]

I was described as sheldon in a dress. I took that as a huge compliment.

There are 2 ways to approach it, a) accept that he is a C student, strangely some people are happy to just "get by". b) turn it around but only if HE WANTS TO. If so then I would work on his military training and set a schedule, work like a drill Sargent and own his deadlines. However, this would only work if you have the time to invest and he is willing to fully co-operate. If not then it is coast ville all the way to average.