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how do you explain your need for reassurance to your NT friends?

some/aspies/need/hugs/13

Well-Known Member
Hey I am jimmy and new on here so I hope I put this in the right thread. I have AS and I have a great friend that she understands that I have bad anxiety, but she does not understand the need for reassurance that comes with having AS, I can't figure out how to explain the need for reassurance that I have without it coming off as being needy. she is ok with hugs and talking, I just want her to understand the reason I ask for hugs, ask if she is ok, etc.
 
I was with you up until "without coming off as being needy". I'm the same way but apparently am okay with coming off as needy. Aren't you needy?
 
We all need people but shhhhh, do not tell anyone that.

Maybe your friend is able to offer you this support and not need to have the whys spelled out to her?

Anyway, this is a good forum. Glad you are here.
 
The needy side of my ex was among the few things that let me know he wanted me around.
He would tell me he needs affection.
 
Hey I am jimmy and new on here so I hope I put this in the right thread. I have AS and I have a great friend that she understands that I have bad anxiety, but she does not understand the need for reassurance that comes with having AS, I can't figure out how to explain the need for reassurance that I have without it coming off as being needy. she is ok with hugs and talking, I just want her to understand the reason I ask for hugs, ask if she is ok, etc.

The short answer? You don't.

There's a basic tenet to consider when it comes to one's autism. That "need-to-know" basis only.

Taking into consideration the following:

* There will be a very small number of people you tell who will want to understand and succeed.
* There will be a few more who want to understand, but will fail.
* And then there's the vast majority who will simply default to a notion that it is you who must change to adapt to their way of thinking and doing, and not your own.

Be very careful in who, if anyone you decide to share your autism with. Including friends and family. Because you run the risk of one perceived to be close to you, who will not understand. And once you've told someone, you cannot take it back.

If and when you seek such reassurance, your best bet was to come here. Speaking of such things to your own kind in this forum is likely to draw little risk in comparison.
 
ok so to me a needy person is one who NTs see as like asking a lot of them, see she is comfortable with hugs but not used to people needing encouragement and to talk things out
 
ok so to me a needy person is one who NTs see as like asking a lot of them, see she is comfortable with hugs but not used to people needing encouragement and to talk things out

Okay, so do you need her encouragement, every time you do something or everytime you're with her, like:

You: Hey, i did this stuff blah blah.. I did great, didnt i?
She: Yeah, you did wonderful!

So you want her encouragement, but dont want her to see you as lacking in self-esteem?
Am i understanding you correctly?
 
I wrote, previously, however, I felt I did a shoddy job with getting my thoughts across, so I deleted my post, but wanted to mention that, if she doesn't appear to need or want an explanation, I might refrain from doing so. Depending on the subject matter/ what you are seeking reassurance of, perhaps, you could mention that, at times, particularly, while experiencing more anxiety than usual, you can experience a heightened sense of uncertainty, in general, and reassurance can relieve some of the uncertainty you feel. I would only bring this up with her, if you trust that she would be understanding/ empathetic towards you. Otherwise, you could wind up feeling even more anxious than you had, prior to explaining.

I, also, believe that it can be of benefit, to develop the ability to seek reassurance from within oneself, because there will be situations, where acquiring it from outside of ourselves, will not be possible. It is simply, a good skill to possess, and, can be a healthier practice, than becoming dependant on outside sources to calm us, depending on the situation, of course. There is nothing wrong with wanting, needing, or asking for reassurance, however. It is human nature, and if your friend cares for you, she will understand, as opposed to perceiving you as being too needy.
 
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