How do you feel about competition in games / sports / social settings?

[Luc Ienn]

This has been something I’ve been thinking about regarding autism. I wonder how our views vary among ourselves in this community.

First, my own experiences. I struggle a lot with games that are competitive in nature, or more specifically any sort of game/activity in which there is a “winning” position and a “losing” position. This also goes for activities that rank performance against others (first place, second place, etc). Some people would tell me this is likely because I lose a lot and am a sore loser. They would be somewhat correct. However, I think more about it and when I win, I don’t necessarily feel happy about winning all the time. I don’t feel like proving my skill at the expense of someone else was worth it, honestly.

I could just be too empathetic, but this extends to other social settings, such as the workplace. I used to have a sales job where employees were encouraged to push sales and excel over their coworkers. I saw no value in trying to prove myself over my coworkers, rather looking for a work experience where we worked as a team to accomplish goals together as a unit and help each other out.

There are rare occasions where I’ll play a game where it’s me versus someone else, or take part in something that would rank me against others in a placement system, but it’s few and far between. Also, don’t get me started on team versus teams…those are the hardest for me, because my quality of performance could determine how well my team performs against the other team. If I can’t carry my weight, it could mean that my whole team is considered “losers”, which I just don’t want to do to people.

Anyway, that’s me! What about you? Are you someone who feels similarly, or do you love and thrive with competition? I know for sure that autism is not related to feeling anti-competitive, so I know there’s a chance for many different points of view on this.

 

[Metalhead]

My favorite game to play against randoms is Tetris - I suck at Call of Duty but I will kick anyone’s ass at Tetris.

 

[Stuttermabolur]

I'm not a competitively driven person and have never been into watching competitive sports. I don't tend to care very much about whether I win or lose, and am gracious in defeat.

However, as someone who is entertained by board games, I find that games are most fun if everyone is trying to win, so I always try my best. I really find it frustrating when playing with people who have already decided they won't win or don't take the game seriously, as it makes it less fun for everyone. I also find it annoying when people chat a lot or are distracted during games. I tend to be very focused on what's happening in front of me.

I didn't care much about how well I did or accumulating trophies when I competed in table tennis (I never once looked at my ranking, which my teammates obsessed over), but I always competed for real and to the best of my abilities as it made the competitions more fun and gave me better exercise.

In short, I'm not competitive by nature, but I value a competitive spirit when playing a game. I agree on team games. I prefer playing solo as people (including me) can get frustrated with their teammates. I've always been completely abject in team physical sport.

 

[Luc Ienn]

In short, I'm not competitive by nature, but I value a competitive spirit when playing a game. I agree on team games. I prefer playing solo as people (including me) can get frustrated with their teammates. I've always been completely abject in team physical sport.

It sounds to me that you value people challenging each other rather than trying to prove skill, which I think sounds pretty good.

 

[Crossbreed]

1. It depends on the stakes. I consider board game & card games (w/o gambling) to be inconsequential. I will play them if I can derive some enjoyment & suspense in doing so.
2. I do not enjoy playing such games where I always win or always lose. Their sense of suspense is absent for me.
3. My esteem is not tied to these. I accept that I am good at some things, bad at others and okay at the rest.

I often win at checkers, in person, but I lose pretty quickly against a computer.
I cannot wrap my head around chess.
I lose as much as I win with Scrabble.

 

[Crossbreed]

When I took up disc golf, practice improved my aim, but it took me away from the people I care about.

 

[Au Naturel]

This has been something I’ve been thinking about regarding autism. I wonder how our views vary among ourselves in this community.

First, my own experiences. I struggle a lot with games that are competitive in nature, or more specifically any sort of game/activity in which there is a “winning” position and a “losing” position. This also goes for activities that rank performance against others (first place, second place, etc). Some people would tell me this is likely because I lose a lot and am a sore loser. They would be somewhat correct. However, I think more about it and when I win, I don’t necessarily feel happy about winning all the time. I don’t feel like proving my skill at the expense of someone else was worth it, honestly.

I could just be too empathetic, but this extends to other social settings, such as the workplace. I used to have a sales job where employees were encouraged to push sales and excel over their coworkers. I saw no value in trying to prove myself over my coworkers, rather looking for a work experience where we worked as a team to accomplish goals together as a unit and help each other out.

There are rare occasions where I’ll play a game where it’s me versus someone else, or take part in something that would rank me against others in a placement system, but it’s few and far between. Also, don’t get me started on team versus teams…those are the hardest for me, because my quality of performance could determine how well my team performs against the other team. If I can’t carry my weight, it could mean that my whole team is considered “losers”, which I just don’t want to do to people.

Anyway, that’s me! What about you? Are you someone who feels similarly, or do you love and thrive with competition? I know for sure that autism is not related to feeling anti-competitive, so I know there’s a chance for many different points of view on this.

Hate them. Which is funny because I used to be an avid wargamer back in the days of hex board games with chits and dice and manual a hundred pages thick. I got tired of playing to win. I was just interested in exploring the possibilities involved in tactics and not at all in winning. But people always got their egos wrapped up in the win or loss, not the process.

 

[Crossbreed]

I was just interested in exploring the possibilities involved in tactics and not at all in winning.

Even if it was an opponent, I always enjoyed seeing clever moves. It is like a clever plot twist in a movie!

 

[Progster]

I'm quite competitive, and in that situation, I go into competition mode. But I find it quite stressful and draining, and then people rightly say that I take it too seriously. Sometimes games of chance are better, as there is not much I can do to influence the outcome and I'm not under pressure. With games of strategy, I learn quickly and often win. With quiz games like Trivial Pursuit, I might not be good at first as they ask a lot about pop culture, movies, actors, sports and that kind of thing, but when I hear an answer, I remember it and eventually get good at it. People have actually accused me of cheating at a quiz game because I know the answers. It wasn't because I was cheating, it was just because I had played quite a bit and remembered the answers to questions I had heard before.

 

[Luc Ienn]

People have actually accused me of cheating at a quiz game because I know the answers. It wasn't because I was cheating, it was just because I had played quite a bit and remembered the answers to questions I had heard before.

I find it absolutely hilarious how someone could accuse someone of cheating at a quiz game by memorizing the answers. That is literally how you pass a quiz.

 

[Progster]

I find it absolutely hilarious how someone could accuse someone of cheating at a quiz game by memorizing the answers. That is literally how you pass a quiz.

They thought I was reading all the questions and memorizing them. I think that they were just a bad loser though.

 

[NB79]

Competition is ok, its healthy, the problem is people can be dishonest, and get angry envious rude etc etc etc when competing.

 

[Aneka]

This has been something I’ve been thinking about regarding autism. I wonder how our views vary among ourselves in this community.

First, my own experiences. I struggle a lot with games that are competitive in nature, or more specifically any sort of game/activity in which there is a “winning” position and a “losing” position. This also goes for activities that rank performance against others (first place, second place, etc). Some people would tell me this is likely because I lose a lot and am a sore loser. They would be somewhat correct. However, I think more about it and when I win, I don’t necessarily feel happy about winning all the time. I don’t feel like proving my skill at the expense of someone else was worth it, honestly.

I could just be too empathetic, but this extends to other social settings, such as the workplace. I used to have a sales job where employees were encouraged to push sales and excel over their coworkers. I saw no value in trying to prove myself over my coworkers, rather looking for a work experience where we worked as a team to accomplish goals together as a unit and help each other out.

There are rare occasions where I’ll play a game where it’s me versus someone else, or take part in something that would rank me against others in a placement system, but it’s few and far between. Also, don’t get me started on team versus teams…those are the hardest for me, because my quality of performance could determine how well my team performs against the other team. If I can’t carry my weight, it could mean that my whole team is considered “losers”, which I just don’t want to do to people.

Anyway, that’s me! What about you? Are you someone who feels similarly, or do you love and thrive with competition? I know for sure that autism is not related to feeling anti-competitive, so I know there’s a chance for many different points of view on this.

I've always been of the opinion that marks shouldn't be given in PE, art and music classes. Those subjects are all about talent and little about learning/ practicing.
Just think about all the different body types competing against each other during PE lesson- not fair at all.

They're definitely needed to balance out the schedule though! All three subjects are needed for healthy development.

 

[Shevek]

To me the most irritating thing about many competitions is the focus on a single aspect of performance without nuance. If someone was a true amateur, earning a living while training for the Olympics, but lost to competitors with full support, we don't hear about it. Then, success in one field may be used to assume general competence and authority. I like the story of champion runner Sebastian Coe. He was out celebrating his recent acclaim, and was turned away from a club for wearing jeans. "Don't you know who I am? I'm Seb Coe!" he protested.
Unruffled, the doorman just replied "Well, it won't take you long to run home and change, then."
I was never happy with either winning or losing at chess - I don't tend to think like that normally. In my field, designs are tested by racing. I never wanted to enter if I didn't expect to win, but now, I see that many of the "also rans" are just out to have fun, or are taking advantage of the opportunity for testing.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I personally don't like serious competition. It never leaves me feeling content, and in the worst case, I'm just crushed.

It also doesn't help if you're the type of person who hates having a spotlight on you; even in the best case, if I were to win I'd just feel guilty that I stole first place from somebody else. There's really no 'winning' for me.

 

[Luca]

I’m very competitive with sports, competitions, card games, party games, etc. But I’m not a sore loser and I win with humility.

But I DESPISE people who are socially competitive, especially about appearance, because I have been bullied for being fat and short and ugly and “having no friends” by other women like this for literally my whole life. If I sense that someone is like this, they are immediately cut from my friend group. No sense in further damaging my self image, or having friends who pick on my other friends.
Unfortunately, where I live, everybody knows everybody, so running into these types of Mean Girls is inevitable.

This is one of the reasons I’m not on social media, because influencers frankly disgust me. Get a life and stop bullying people.

Sorry if that was a more negative and hostile post than usual, but I’ve really had it with these types of people in my circles, and I’ve had it with my friends looking up to and praising these types of people on Instagram and Tiktok.

 

[Forest Cat]

Competition in sports, I just love it. But kids are encouraged to compete in sports here and maybe especially skiing. I started skiing when I was 5 and was competing when I was 10. That's pretty normal, many people do that. We have ski days in primary school during winter and the entire school spend the day skiing and competing in different winter sports. That's the secret behind why we are crushing the world in the Winter Olympics. An early start. And when you start that young it just becomes a normal part of life.

As for feeling bad about other people losing, I think that when people enter a competition they do it because they want to compete. And they know there's a chance they could lose. So I don't have a problem with winning in that setting. The rules are the same for everyone and losing is just part of competing.

 

[AdamG]

I don't much care for competitive games. Not sports, not board games, not video games. I like cooperative games or just "play time".
.
Competition seems against the grain to me - while some say "you strive better with competition" I disagree. Working together instead of at odds creates a better environment for creative and optimal solutions.

 

[Nitro]

NHRA dragracer and overall performance vehicle enthusiast

 

[LadyS]

I'm not a competitive person at all (except somewhat like @Metalhead is on Tetris), but I enjoy a playful, friendly sort of competition in which no one takes the stakes seriously, like rooting for a sports team or playing casual board games with people with similar attitude, and all the playful banter that goes with it.

The only competition I have is with myself.. when I play games I enjoy, it's not about beating someone but just doing my own best. Sometimes people see this as taking a game too seriously but I don't. I just try my best in the moment, but don't fret about it if I don't win. I just love the rush of the gears in my brain working for a purpose.

I do hate playing with serious competitors as it sucks the enjoyment out of what I think should be fun and casual.