How do you heal from having several close friends/partners exit your life, stab you in the back in only a few years?.

[BryceMcBryde]

Over the past few years, I’ve lost quite a few close (or what I assumed to be close) friendships. The first were my aunt and uncle on my moms side. They were almost like my second parents, but after a few months of resentment over certain things, I found at they had said some things about my mom, and it made my so mad that I sent them a very long text with a lot of very vulgar language. Needless to say, I haven’t spoken to that uncle in years (not that I want to after being told some specific things I never knew about him), and I last spoke to my aunt over 3 and a half years ago on the phone for a few minutes. She told me that despite everything that happened, she would still always love me. This is somewhat personal info, but she can’t have kids of her own, so she and my uncle adopted a kid, and because she wants nothing more than to be a mother, she is staying in a marriage with a complete and total child in a mans body, who emotionally and verbally treats her terribly. I’ve mentioned trying to get back into contact with her and trying to discuss this with her, but my family’s telling me “you shouldn’t interfere with her marriage”. They know she’s married to a nutjob, but apparently i’m wrong for wanting to help her get out of it. There’s also the group of friends that were never my friends to begin with despite knowing them for a couple years, but I’ve gone on at length about them before. There’s two girls I was friends with for years that I would like to be cool with again, but I don’t think it’ll happen. I’ve made a post about her before, but the girl I tried to get back into contact with after I stopped being her friend cause she was still cool with that friend group. I felt bad leaving her, because I knew she was in a very bad mental spot, and despite doing everything to find her again, she just stops being friends with me again. I’ve also talked about her before, but that still crushes me. Also, there was another girl I was close with that I want to be friends with again, but I can’t find any social media accounts of hers, or anything else. Also the two boyfriends I’ve lost, one because he was mentally a bit behind and kicked out by his mom and had to move to Arizona, the other a creep who was constantly paranoid I was cheating on him. How do I cope with losing all these people in the span of 5 years?.

 

[Rodafina]

How do I cope with losing all these people in the span of 5 years?.

Maybe find new people instead of focusing on people from the past? Perhaps, finding people with shared interests and hobbies so you have things to do together. Or maybe you could meet new people through volunteering or a job.

With your aunt, it seems like you could potentially rekindle a relationship there without necessarily “interfering with her marriage.” Maybe you and your aunt could go out and just have fun together - if she is in such a difficult marriage, it seems like it would be good for her to have a strong relationship with another family member (you). I think a focus on things other than the husband could help in rebuilding this.

 

[Hypnalis]

Stop thinking of it as healing.

Very few relationships are permanent. Many relationships are "tactical": people with a common interest who get along fairly well. When the common interest fades for one party, the relationship will fade with it. This is normal.

There's a principle for this. Note that this is a "new wikipedia" article, and the wording is off:
Principle of least interest - Wikipedia

The words "power" and "control" have been distorted over the last few decades, so the point when articles like this present a wildly false picture.

Disengaging from something because your level of interest has dropped below your threshold for action/engagement is not an act of power. It's a simple, neutral adult choice: You "walk away".

Applied to relationships, you think of it this way:

(Assuming legal and non-harmful actions):
Nobody is obliged to do what another person wants.

This is routinely weaponized in some contexts, and routinely denied in others (these days, mostly by the same people, which is extremely funny to an outsider"
But from a moral perspective, it's true.

Applied to relationships together with the principle of least interest: when people "walk away" accept it gracefully.
Of course it's ok to make a polite, non-threatening attempt to change that, but ultimately you must accept other people's adult decisions.

If it stings a little, just let it go. In time you'll forget.

Unless you turn to "talk therapy" and pay someone to keep the memory active. Given time that can turn a routine life-event into a genuine problem.


And think about this from their perspective:

They were almost like my second parents, but after a few months of resentment over certain things, I found at they had said some things about my mom, and it made my so mad that I sent them a very long text with a lot of very vulgar language.

If this needed to be handled, it should have started with a polite "prestige-neutral" face-to-face discussion.
Drama is never the best way forward, and is very likely to lead to much worse outcomes.

"made me so mad so I did X" is not an adult approach to anything. Regulate your emotions. Wait out the "adrenaline rush".
Act when you're calm.

This isn't exactly what "revenge is a dish served cold" means. but everyone knows that proverb, so it can be put to good use:

Interpret it as "Be calm when you plan or do do anything important.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I’ve mentioned trying to get back into contact with her and trying to discuss this with her, but my family’s telling me “you shouldn’t interfere with her marriage”. They know she’s married to a nutjob, but apparently i’m wrong for wanting to help her get out of it.

It isn't wrong, but unfortunately it isn't your place. She has a right to to choose her relationships, even if they're unhealthy. It's too bad she's bringing a child into that. The best thing you can do is be there if she needs you. Maybe one day she'll accept how unhealthy this is for her.

Also the two boyfriends I’ve lost, one because he was mentally a bit behind and kicked out by his mom and had to move to Arizona, the other a creep who was constantly paranoid I was cheating on him. How do I cope with losing all these people in the span of 5 years?.

What makes you upset about losing the second boyfriend? He sounds controlling. Are you more sad over losing these people (it sounds like most of them didn't really appreciate you), or sad that no new connections have replaced them? Sometimes we think we miss people because no one else is there in their place. Or, we don't see what else is already in our lives. Once we see what we do have, we might realize those old friends and family weren't so healthy for us.