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How do you know if an Aspie likes you, more than just friends?

L

lostinthoughts

New Member
Hello,

I was curious how do you know if an Aspie likes you more than just friends? This guy is pretty shy and he and I have been hanging out for a while now, I really like him but I'm shy as well and can't muster up the courage to ask him if he does? I am an NT by the way and he told me that he may have ASD but I don't think he has ever gotten a proper diagnosis he doesn't like to talk about it much and is pretty insecure as well but I like him as he is very sweet, just recently he told me he had changed his work schedule for one of the days so we could hang out on a certain day so I would be able to head to bed earlier to get more rest. :)
He always initiates things with me like asking to hang out and he has shared with me some of his hobbies since we have those in common. :)

Since we have been hanging out though a lot whenever his friends are around they do kind of joke that we are a couple of sorts but he is always the first to say we aren't so this is why I am unsure.


Any advice?
 
It sounds like he likes you but I don't know how you would know unless you ask. I know it is hard to do, but sometimes we have to do hard things when it comes to something important.
 
I don't think there is any way to predict it. Aspies are as varied as NTs in their ways and personalities. In other words there is no Aspie 'decoder ring'. We can be shy in some ways and quite forward in others. There is also the possibility he is not interested in intimate relations for one reason or another.

I was initially shy as well, as in most social interactions, but once I had made up my mind that I did like someone would not delay at all before asking them out. He might need a nudge but like I said there is no way to know in advance, so be prepared for yes or no, or maybe.
 
Maybe you can be old fashioned and write him a note with a multiple choice question like, do you like me yes or no? This is how me and the wife started to date back in the day.
 
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I'd rather just be told/asked directly, but that's just me. He may even rush to deny there's a couple type relationship because he fears such talk may scare you off.

The possibilities are many, but if you're looking for a Rosetta stone of autistic communication, I'm afraid you're in for a disappointment. There isn't one. We are just people, with all the faults and foibles that entails.
 
You should attempt telepathy.
Seriously the only way to know for sure is to ask him/tell him your feelings. The behavior you mention could just be being a good friend, or it could be something else, no way of knowing.

I will say that people have mistaken my being friendly as "interest" several times in the past and it is really frustrating when people assume they know what you're thinking and don't bother confirming it with you until it's too late.
 
NothingToSeeHere said:
I will say that people have mistaken my being friendly as "interest" several times in the past and it is really frustrating when people assume they know what you're thinking and don't bother confirming it with you until it's too late.
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Same. I’ve often had people tell me I give off a strong flirtatious vibe when I’m just attempting to be friendly.
 
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Ask directly and anything that isn't a direct "yes" is a "no" even if it's a "maybe." Could that change? Yes, but don't expect it. Usually people don't like to be or feel like sloppy seconds.
The best way to know is to ask. Generally, don't ask right away unless the situation kinda feels like it dictates it. Better to talk for at least a week but maybe more. 2 weeks is a good minimum if you want a safe bet. If you or the other person doesn't feel comfortable talking about interest after two weeks, they are probably too anxious to be dating or are using social anxiety as a cover up to say that they are not interested in you.
 
For me, clear and simple answers are easiest to understand. But if you ask directly, you have to be prepared for the possibility of an answer you don’t want to hear.
 
paloftoon said:
Ask directly and anything that isn't a direct "yes" is a "no" even if it's a "maybe." Could that change? Yes, but don't expect it. Usually people don't like to be or feel like sloppy seconds.
The best way to know is to ask. Generally, don't ask right away unless the situation kinda feels like it dictates it. Better to talk for at least a week but maybe more. 2 weeks is a good minimum if you want a safe bet. If you or the other person doesn't feel comfortable talking about interest after two weeks, they are probably too anxious to be dating or are using social anxiety as a cover up to say that they are not interested in you.
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But sometimes we stay in touch with who keeps a roof over our head, even if we hate the person. l left the state because of this person.
 
Aspychata said:
But sometimes we stay in touch with who keeps a roof over our head, even if we hate the person. l left the state because of this person.
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I think what you describe is a different situation than what is in this thread. The OP is trying to gauge dating interest. Most people who just met someone else wouldn't get "an automatic pass" on being able to live with that person.

Being with family/relatives/unusually close friends/serious date- those scenarios all seem contextually very different and more in-line with your experience than what the OP is asking I believe.
 
@paloftoon Good points. I am guilty of over- answering which just ends up as Aspychata mindless chatter. Oops..... Intruder Alert Intruder Alert Asyychata has left the confines of her brain.
 
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