How do you know when someone hates you?

[Annaa]

How do I know if I'm hated and unwanted or it's just my perception?

 

[tree]

Do you have some example situations?

 

[Annaa]

Do you have some example situations?

What kind of examples would you like?

 

[Masked Man]

I think hate is a strong word. And I think it's common for some people to confuse hate with indifference.

Also - someone can maybe simply dislike someone else. Even dislike isn't the same as hate.

I mean - do you like everyone? I know I don't. Surely there are people you don't particularly like, right?

It's the same for you. There are probably people who don't particularly like you. That's okay. It's simply not realistic to expect everyone to like you. That's totally normal.

 

[tree]

What kind of examples would you like?

Illustrative examples.

Situations that lead you to wonder whether you are hated.

 

[Judge]

It might be helpful to consider such a thing in this order:

Tier 1: Those who know you, and do everything they can to avoid you. When you greet them and they pretend you aren't even there. Plain and simple.

Tier 2: Those whose behavior always seems aggressive, argumentative and negative while in your presence. Even if and when you are certain you haven't done anything to offend them.

Tier 3: Those in your social orbit who are quick to let you down, or refuse to help or just be there at times you need someone. People you can neither rely on in whole or in part. "Fair weather friends". It may not amount to hatred in their case, but when you have to think about whether someone is a friend, odds are they are not the case.

 

[Rodafina]

How do I know if I'm hated and unwanted or it's just my perception?

I also think some examples of what made you ask this question would be helpful in getting more useful answers for yourself.

Since you wonder if you are hated or it's just your perception, my immediate reaction is that this sounds like it could be related to automatic negative thoughts. These are the negative thoughts that just pop into our head due to things like insecurity, anxiety, or trauma. They are often related to feeling rejected, making mistakes, and self deprecation.

In these situations, it is important to remember that thoughts are not always truths. There are many automatic thoughts that we have that are worth challenging, assessing, and possibly reframing.

There are lots of worksheets available to help understand and analyze these types of thoughts better. The process is from cognitive behavioral therapy and is something that a mental health provider could likely help you with. There is a lot of information on the internet that you can learn on your own, too.

https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-change-negative-thinking-3024843
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-...ement/in-depth/positive-thinking/art-20043950

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

How do I know if I'm hated and unwanted or it's just my perception?

It is easy to feel that way.
Sometimes it feels like everyone hates you.
That is life and it sucks.
But I guess you will always feel like there is people out there who love and accept you too, no matter what.
There always is and I am sorry for people who feel like there is not.
I have felt that at times too but despite the lack of support I get and how difficult people in my life can be..I also feel like it is not true.
But it does not mean you do not experience childhood trauma or miss like for me a solid mother figure.
However there are many people in the world who can fill gaps in your life.
It is not worth wasting time on people who do not get you or kill your light.

 

[Aspychata]

Sometime there is the instant dislike factor. I have experienced this. And one person had had a instant dislike about me. Maybe l was triggered, maybe l triggered them. It's best to do as little as possible with these types at jobs.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Sometime there is the instant dislike factor. I have experienced this. And one person had had a instant dislike about me. Maybe l was triggered, maybe l triggered them. It's best to do as little as possible with these types at jobs.

I had a guy like that at work. I never said anything negative to him, never messed with his tools and things, etc. but he made a point of insulting me whenever we were alone and he knew I was in earshot. I never responded in any way. He may have believed I was hard of hearing, because on occasion he would repeat an insult louder.

 

[Progster]

I don't usually know, because people mask to be polite. The last time I knew that someone hated me, it was because they sent me a torrent of verbal abuse, but this person also has some mental health problems, or is bipolar or has borderline personality disorder or similar, and does pretty much the same to everyone, so I really shouldn't take it too personally.
The fact that haters may have underlying mental health issues is worth bearing in mind.

 

[Suzanne]

Ask and that is exactly what I did not so long ago! However, I had to do a sort of role play with myself, otherwise, I would have got terribly mixed up.

Although, would not call it hate. I felt this lady, who usually I got on with ( her grandson has just recently received a diagnosis of ASD), suddenly seemed to force her smile towards me and I could not help but feel that she was off with me.

I tried to let it pass, but suddenly the opportunity came my way, so I took courage and asked her if I could take some of her time? She smiled with a question. I then proceeded to say that I suffer paranoia and it gets worse, the longer I am in others' company and I am sensing she is off with me, but not sure if it is me being paranoid and before I had even finished, without even a pause of breath, she quickly assured me that I had done nothing to affend her and that she loves me and then said she can understand how I feel, because there was a time, she suffered paranoia.

In truth, I felt rather awkward around her afterwards, but last night I saw her and honestly, she made it very easy to go back to normal and so, I am glad I took the courage, because now, there is no: does she dislike me or is it just me?

Although, this cannot be done with everyone.

In the past I have been more open when I felt some female was against me and would get a derisive rebuff and it got worse, so, I gradually learned that there is a type of female one can approach.

 

[Wolfnox]

They tell you. Or through actions.

 

[stevens]

They tell you. Or through actions.

This can vary. Where I come from, a more passive-aggressive part of the US, people who want distance from us will complain to each other that we're dumb and "don't get the hint." And of course we don't "get" the "hint." Because autism.

 

[NDR2]

Quite simply, if you think someone hates you, or they’re not nice to you, you should just not bother with them. If they harass, bully, or abuse you, you should take action.

 

[Suzanne]

Quite simply, if you think someone hates you, or they’re not nice to you, you should just not bother with them. If they harass, bully, or abuse you, you should take action.

Seems simple reasoning, but in truth, that is not taking into account ALL TYPES OF PERSONALITIES. Some, can do what you suggest and others find it hard to achieve, but can still do that and yet, others, just are not able to get past it and that has to do with how one feels about themselves.

 

[Aspychata]

If l am in a bad mood, then l pray that people hate me and leave me alone. If l am in a good mood, --- l pray people hate me and leave me alone. So everyday looks pretty good to me.
I think it's a introvert mantra. I live in the state of overly obnoxious people. Best to keep to yourself here. But there a nice lady from New Jersey down the street from me.

 

[Rogue Princess]

Usually the other person is kind and friendly.
Those are the ones who hate you the most

 

[Jumpinbare]

I always try to be kind and friendly. I literally can't think of anyone I hate.

 

[tree]

Usually the other person is kind and friendly.
Those are the ones who hate you the most

That sounds like a painful experience.