How do you live in a dog-eat-dog society?

[Ariel]

I'm feeling very depressed about this.
I automatically think that other people are good, honest and helpful. I always try to be considerate and put other people first.
In all aspects of life people lie, manipulate or otherwise take advantage of me. I don't understand how these people (who seem to make up most of society) can just get on with their lives when they have such things on their conscience.
I'm stuck in a rut and not sure what to try next.
How does an aspie live in a society that thinks this way?

 

[Judge]

How does an aspie live in a society that thinks this way?

That's a pretty tough question to seriously answer. If there really is an answer.

Sometimes I think living on the periphery of society helps. In self-imposed isolation. Where I literally "ration" my direct exposure to other humans. These days it seems to help more often than it hurts.

Yet it doesn't insulate me from knowing of all the ills going on outside my orbit either. But I do get lonely. I may be an Aspie, but I'm still a human being.

It's no real answer, just a way to take the rough edges off my life I suppose. At my age maybe I've simply "had it" with the rest of humanity. Perhaps not the best course of action for someone considerably younger. But then also it may reflect my having learned of my own autism too late in life rather than much earlier, where I might have been able to take a different path rather than trying to constantly "swim upstream" to be NT when I wasn't.

 

[King_Oni]

For what it's worth, I guess it's a matter of adapting to similar standards. It doesn't mean someone has to become the opposite of what he/she stands for, but I think there is a thing like being "too nice" and "too gullible". And that's where people will take advantage of others.

Though perhaps it's "easier" for me in that I tend to think about more about myself rather than others and don't expect others to help me out, unless in cases where rules, regulation or laws call for it (government support being one example).

It's interesting to wonder how these people can get on with their lives and conscience, yet perhaps for the majority it doesn't even register as "wrong" and might just be a pretty primal instinct that caters to their need and want to survive. And you can't blame someone for being human and wanting to preserve oneself. I've spoken to plenty of people who did things I found morally debateable. Some people actually had no idea that it can be perceived as wrong and just assumed that it was the "right" thing to do.

 

[Judge]

It's interesting to wonder how these people can get on with their lives and conscience, yet perhaps for the majority it doesn't even register as "wrong" and might just be a pretty primal instinct that caters to their need and want to survive.

Many can mentally and emotionally compartmentalize their lives in ways that a few of us cannot.

 

[King_Oni]

Many can mentally and emotionally compartmentalize their lives in ways that a few of us cannot.

Hence this is the crux.

I tend to struggle with this as well, but perhaps from the opposite perspective. I actually struggle more to remain somewhat calm and "fitting in" to society, my personality would probably cater more to the "all bets are off" scenario's to survive. It has been many a discussion with therapists for me in the past where survival instincts were brought up.

 

[Ariel]

^ Thanks for your answers, good points. I understand that people have to make a living somehow. When it goes well beyond survival and is just about greed, I can't understand it all. Sometimes the person doesn't actually benefit at all and lying, or 'omitting truths' is just a thoughtless, needless thing.
I wonder why some of us don't have this primal instinct and what the evolutionary purpose is.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I heard Dr Phil say something interesting. He was trying to encourage a married couple to trust one another after an affair, and he said something along the lines of: "trust doesn't mean thinking the other person will never do anything wrong. Trust means knowing that even if they do something wrong, you can handle it".

Most people ignore me, i am usually too unimportant to them, too weak in my place in society for them to get anything out of manipulating me. but there are a few people out there who are nice; it just takes a long time to get to know who they are.

 

[bentHnau]

How does an aspie live in a society that thinks this way?

Dedicate one's life to repudiating and changing it as much as is possible?

 

[Licorice]

Very, very carefully. You can still be nice, but there needs to be some boundaries between you and people you don't know very well because their motivations are still uncertain. They might be good, they might be bad, they might be ignorant of how they affect others, or they might just be in a bad situation that brings out the worst in them.

I struggle with cynicism sometimes, but I've been trying to deal with it and get more perspectives from people who've overcome it.

 

[Toponoetikos]

This is a very good question and also very difficult, but not impossible, to address. I have had problems with this all of my life and even in the past few years. The ancient admonition "Be wary as a fox and gentle as a lamb" seems to apply.

Modern society and global power structures are set up on the principle of competition, exploitation, greed, subjugation and acquisition of power and control. The evidence for this is overwhelming and incontrovertible. There have been 14600 wars in recorded history according to one well-known historian. That's a lot of wars.

The key for me has been acceptance that most people follow a different set of rules. Thinking and compassionate people (not only AS people) understand that the competitive model is inferior and destructive. The cooperative model is far more effective.

So I have a few basic operating rules:
1. I do not rely on my intuition alone to judge character. I need to look carefully at the facts over a period of time. If I feel something is wrong then it probably is. I have to rely on help from professionals in certain areas. For business contracts I use a trusted lawyer and trusted business associates.
2. I have a right to work at a job that uses my strengths and in an environment that is supportive and with people I trust.
3. It is better to be alone and feel lonely rather than be around toxic and manipulative people.
4. Do whatever is necessary to pursue my interests and safety and not worry about offending others, including my family.
5. Realize that while this world is filled with unconscious and conscious manipulators, that there are enough good people out there to build a strong alliance.

I suggest reading "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius - the compassionate and wise Roman emperor. He understood the nature of power and also human character.

I'm feeling very depressed about this.
I automatically think that other people are good, honest and helpful. I always try to be considerate and put other people first.
In all aspects of life people lie, manipulate or otherwise take advantage of me. I don't understand how these people (who seem to make up most of society) can just get on with their lives when they have such things on their conscience.
I'm stuck in a rut and not sure what to try next.
How does an aspie live in a society that thinks this way?

 

[Loomis]

Be kind and considerate to people and expect the same from them but do not depend on anyone for your needs. Seek autonomy and independence.

Remember that approximately 10% of the population are jerks. Avoid jerks.

 

[Cyllya]

Hmm, I never think of it as a dog-eat-dog world. I'm pretty optimistic about people, in general. I'm not sure I understand the question, but...

Being nice is a skill that needs to be learned, and a lot of people are bad at it. That includes me. Most people don't seem to realize they are bad at kindness. In my case, I try to constantly hone my kindness skills and cut all those well-intentioned jerks some slack.

"Expect the best; plan for the worst"? Most people seem to be nice enough, but I lock my doors just in case. Well, sometimes I don't lock them if it's inconvenient!

Minimize your contact with jerks and anyone who makes you miserable. Even if it's your family! Except dependants, I guess.

 

[StephF]

I've never been to Vietnam or Thailand but I believe they eat dogs there. I couldn't do that.