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How do you react when you think you are being lied to?

R

RubenX

Well-Known Member
As an Aspie, I can not tell when somebody is lying, based on facial expression, tone of voice, etc. But I have a great memory for details (when it interests me) and never forget these details. If the lie is not well made, I'm gonna notice anything "out of place", details that "don't match".

I sometimes ignore it. I sometimes point at the lie. Depends on my relationship to the person. But one thing rarely changes, once I label somebody as a "lier", is really hard for that label to come off. I start doubting every single thing that person ever said.

However, I've noticed that many NTs sometimes talk for the sake of keeping the conversation going. When this happens, sometimes they invent the details they don't know. I've seen people saying they use 23c tires (road bikes tires) for Mountain Biking downhill on the trails. This is impossible to do, that tire is gonna pop in the first 50 meters, is not designed for that. It is a lie. But somehow it seems to be accepted to tell a lie every now and then so that the "socialization" keeps on going. It's weird and I found it confusing and infuriating.
 
Ask for proof of said thing. I can come across as highly suspicious and want proof of everything sometimes. "I went there"... oh, can you prove it? Can you show me a ticket? If not, then I will not believe it and will steer clear of said subject and not discuss it anymore.

But I do want to state that I do this more often in real life than online with people I barely know. So there's no questioning people on AC for example.. but "friends" I usually ask to show me where they got this information, give me source, show me a ticket, or whatever.
 
I also notice these detail creations and misaligned statements often. Funny thing, is that I got obsessed with the show 'lie to me' and since then, studied facial expressions and body language a bit. It's second nature for me (instead of first nature as it is for NT) but I still feel as though I can tell some lies simply by looking at the person when they say it. I recommend looking into these things Ruben if you are interested. Also if you pay attention, people's pitch/tone and rate of speech change when lies are told. This change is larger in those who are not experienced liars. For compulsive liars, this change is undetectable (at least for me).

King_Oni said:
Ask for proof of said thing.
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This is something I feel like doing a lot, but people get really mad, and tend to hate people that question them like this. I see it as reassurance, others see it as doubt. Think I am going to start doing it all the time when I sense something is not right though, lies are sick.
 
Deno said:
This is something I feel like doing a lot, but people get really mad, and tend to hate people that question them like this. I see it as reassurance, others see it as doubt. Think I am going to start doing it all the time when I sense something is not right though, lies are sick.
Click to expand...

I don't even do this for lies even, lol... I actually do this for said "reassurance". When I'm over at social services and they tell me what the deal is I always ask them to show me the exact rules about this and where to get this information. I feel that in life in general I can't be bothered to be misled in any way. If you're talking to me, have internet reading... or bring books at least, lol
 
King_Oni said:
I don't even do this for lies even, lol... I actually do this for said "reassurance". When I'm over at social services and they tell me what the deal is I always ask them to show me the exact rules about this and where to get this information. I feel that in life in general I can't be bothered to be misled in any way. If you're talking to me, have internet reading... or bring books at least, lol
Click to expand...

I see what you mean, but I think people get mad for not believing them right off the bat, and wanting it in writing, or proof. We live in a world where people take others words WAY too often. I salute you o/
 
One example:

A female neighbor who was single was saying she went to a concert and telling about how good the concert was. She knows I like the band because I play it in my car all the time. And she's telling about the stage and stuff and I ask "who did you went with?". She say she went alone and continues the story. But I stay behind because I know the concert was late night, at a time when there's no public transportation, she has no car, taxis from here to there are crazy expensive... it just doesn't add up. So I keep asking "how you went there" and she keeps dodging the question and telling the story about the concert. So I start thinking "who did this woman went with that's so embarrassing that she wont even admit it to a neighbor". But hey, her business, not mine, I let it go.

Couple of weeks later, patrol cars couple of homes down... a husband running out the house screaming "help me help me" and an angry wife running behind him "admit it you filthy piece of <beep>! You spent the money taking that <beep> from down street to a concert!"

And later I told the story to my GF who said "yeah, I notice those two". I asked and GF said "the way they looked at each other on the mailboxes and things like that". That's the NT skills I don't have. But the details, connecting the dots, that is something I'm very good at. If the logic doesn't flow, I know something is wrong with the story.
 
Maybe I have to blame my environment, but since some people actually believe in what they tell, even if the information is wrong, I usually don't believe anything they tell me unless they also tell me where they heard that. For people I know that do research before accept something, I believe them unless it is an absurd. For default, I pretend I believe everything, so that I won't look like a guy who suspect everyone.
 
How do I react when I am lied to?

I'll just simply wonder what are the incentives that made him lie and not speak the truth, and what I had missed out.

I won't blame anyone for lying. I just feel as if nothing has happened.

It's just me, lying is just a process of life to me, though it hurts to lie others, even a white lie.

So I don't lie, as much as I can, I only don't reveal real identities to protect myself.
 
I'm never able to differentiate lies from the truth. This has led people to take advantage of my na?vet? countless times. Due to this, I have tried to become more skeptical, but that has led me to think people were lying when they were actually telling the truth. It's always been a very big problem for me.
 
Distinguishing lies from truth is often not very easy. Apparently even the best trained FBI lie detectors (actual detectives; not machines or computers) only score very slightly above mean averages for untrained ordinary people! the reason is partly because some people aren't technically lying: they've deceived themselves & believe what they're saying to you. Another problem is that people who lie frequently are often very good at it (practice makes perfect!) so they've developed ways of appearing truthful. Some can even present what seems like viable proofs! There's even a few companies online who specialize in providing 'evidence' & alibis to people who are liars deceiving others (popular with cheating husbands & people who skip work). Sometimes a liar isn't really a liar: they're misinformed & actually believe that the misinformation they're telling you is the truth.

When I catch someone being deliberately deceptive with me (RARE because I avoid people in general) I let it roll & try to discern why they're lying. Are they scared? Trying to make themselves look better than they are? Are they in denial or insecure? Those ones I let go. they're sad cases. The ones I want to catch & 'out' are the ones trying to manipulate me into doing something, trying to prevent me from doing something or are trying to get something out of me or trying to cause trouble in my life as in between me & someone else. That latter group are malicious liars & need to be stopped in their tracks.
 
I can't stand liars at all! I expect others especially friends to be as blunt as I am. I would rather be slightly hurt hearing the truth
and just forgive them later. :D
 
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