How do you tell friends about your condition?

[Nick Blade]

Hey there! This is technically my first post on the forums (first was an introductory topic) and I wish to seek some advice in a particular matter of mines. However, this topic could also be a general discussion on telling your friends about your condition. I feel it's very difficult because people react differently to others having Asperger's (which I have), Autism, etc. and can either accept your condition and help you cope with it, or treat you differently and feel uneasy around you, ruining the friendship in the long-run.

My situation I mentioned above relates to that heavily. I only have a couple of close friends, but one in particular I talk to almost everyday and more than anyone I know, she's always wanting to help me with my troubles. I have this sort of "lone wolf" trait of mine that's partly due to Asperger's that most of the time prevents me from even telling her that I'm actually depressed or sad about something. I feel so terrible when I don't tell her most of the time (or rather, I can't even describe how I feel), and because of the fact that she doesn't even get angry with me for it, I feel even more disappointed in myself because I finally feel that she genuinely wants to help. Add that to the fact that she doesn't even know I'm suffering from Asperger's (technically, only I do because my family is in denial). Or you never know, she probably suspects it. While I don't distrust her and I feel she won't treat me any differently than before, I just don't want to potentially cause her any more trouble with my issues and her knowing about my condition might cause her to feel guilty that she can't help in any possible way. She has a big heart and is very caring, despite her saying otherwise.

I want to tell her that I am indeed suffering from Asperger's, but part of me so wants to deny that it's a good idea. Normally I don't cower over such things, but denting our friendship is the last thing I want to do. While my question may be rather dumb, I just wish to ask this: Should I go for it? If yes, how should I go about it/broach the subject? I feel that just coming out of the blue and saying "I have Asperger's Syndrome." sort of comes out as....sudden and rather awkward. But I'm generally bad at starting conversations, so sadly, I expected much from myself. ^^;

 

[Drake Marino]

Good topic, and welcome to the Forum! But anyways, for me my AS is by far my most profound issue, and I only discuss it with the closest of friends, for the simple fact that people tend to lump us with the lower functioning people on the spectrum who can barely even form a coherent sentence. How do you go about talking to your friend about your AS? Well, people just loooooove to comment on how quiet I am, as if I'm some type of odd species. If I felt comfortable enough with said friend, I would go on to tell them about my Asperger's Syndrome and how it causes me to have social interaction deficits, resulting in me being abnormally quiet. Also, a good time to reveal this information would be in the middle of a heart-to-heart conversation in which you two are discussing your life problems. Honestly, some aspies feel more comfortable talking about their condition than others, so ultimately only you can decide whether or not you want to talk to your friend about your AS.

 

[Kadevilbig]

Hey nick my name is kade vilbig I'm 22 and a student with Asperger's at idaho state university. And I had a similar situation when I first started college I had a roommate and I didn't know if I should tell him that I was on the spectrum. I was concerned that things might be different and they were but in a good way when I told it took the pressure off I could make mistakes socially and it wouldn't be that big of a deal and if I made a mistake when were alone later in the day he would tell me what I did wrong a d what I could do next time. So in telling him my mistakes were less strenuous on our relationship am I had someone to help me learn form then. And as a result of doing that I learned how to read body language and interact socially and I am trying to use what I learned to help others. But I had to accept that I have Asperger's and certain things are hard and others are easy and its okay to let people know and help me.

 

[Kadevilbig]

You don't even have to tell them specifically what your disability is you can just say hey I have a disability that makes these things hard for me and I like you your a great friend and I don't want this to come between us. Maybe you could help out with somethings.

 

[Nick Blade]

Thank you all for the advice, as well as sharing your experiences!

I've finally made the decision to tell her that I have AS, though we didn't talk too much on it. However, she was very understanding and hasn't treated me differently in the slightest since then. Even though it was a brief conversation, I believe we're actually a bit closer than before. But if the subject is ever brought up again for longer and deeper discussion between us, I'll definitely keep the advice I've read here in mind!