How realistic are you?

[epath13]

I haven't started any thread lately so I've got a few minutes to fix that

Do you think you are realistic, overly optimistic or pessimistic about yourself whether it is your abilities, how people see you, how you look, your future etc?

I don't know, maybe I'm wrong but I noticed many people on the spectrum tend not to be realistic, tend not always see how things really are...
IMO it's because sometimes it's hard to get an adequate response from the environment about your thoughts, actions etc. Sometimes response can be misinterpreted as well.
I do understand most of the people project their thoughts and feelings, and what they say might have nothing to do with reality but the answer is not always in specific words or reactions, it's underneath it all. And because we're not that good at reading what's underneath we may form inaccurate image of ourselves.

My goal has always been to be realistic but there are still moments when I can clearly see I have no clue what's going on, what I can do and how people see me.
From my experience it's much better to be optimistic, it's as if you start emanating positive energy of some sort and it may even lead to transformation of your reality...
but then comes the question, what if I'm too optimistic, what if I climb too high wouldn't it hurt more when I fall... if I fall?
every time I ask myself this question I answer with slight hesitation - it's better to try than to stand at the base of the mountain and wonder...

I know that for each person reality is different but I can't help but notice that there's "their" reality and there's "our" realities.
For me apparently there's only one answer, it's the silence.
What is yours?

 

[King_Oni]

What's the measure for realistic?

I've had situations in my life where people (as well as myself) weren't sure that I could achieve X and I did. So with that the idea of "are you realistic" I think it's quite weird with me. I don't know if I'm realistic, optimistic, or pessimistic. Or just... a well-informed optimist.

My personal views about the world tend to be rather dark and to most people, pessimistic, yet I can't count the times where people came back and apologized and pointed out that I was right, and that in fact situation X was a mess like I "predicted".

So as for my future... I tend to be realistic, but people think it's pessimistic. I'm always interested in options and that's the optimism that keeps me going. My abilities... that backfired in the past on me. Trying university and dropping out multiple times for a variety of reasons. Still I tried, that counts for some kind of optimism, yet I do tend to put it in the realism bin in that I'll note that it actually just did not work out. That's an experience I had in the past.

As for abilities... to be honest, I don't know if I'm optimistic or overconfident. I'm quite sure that I can say that IF... and that's the IF... if I really want to achieve X, and it requires skill Y, I can do it. I never had a problem with motivating myself for purely personal goals. I did and still do have a problem in motivating myself for goals that aren't well... within my own heart. It's why I don't care for college and all... understanding the importance of a degree still is no motivation in my... well... personal universe. And playing that game with something that's not my way to tackle the problem, doesn't work in a practical sense as well. But for instance; I feel that with things I actually like; recording music, painting, doing digital graphic design, I'm quite confident to say that I'm not terrible at it, I can improve and I do improve and don't mind taking advice from people with more skills there.

A note about realism and realistic thinking can be said about how I perceive the world and my position within that... that's far from realistic probably, but if I'd be all about being realistic, I'm quite sure I'd feel totally miserable.

Not sure if that's an answer you wanted for your thread, but it's my 2 cents at least

 

[epath13]

I'm not sure if I have a strong grasp on the idea I'm trying to deliver
But visually it's sort of like 2 scales interconnected with each other, one scale is about balance between who you are/ what you can actually do at any given moment vs who you think you are/ what you think you can do. Who you are is combination of you genetic code, current circumstances, previously developed skills and awareness of any psychological disadvantages caused by previous experiences (don't want to dig deeper than this ). On the other side of the scale is glimpse of real you mixed with fantasy. The second scale is about balance between how you think surrounding world perceives you at any given moment/ what your think your current status, position are within the environment and how surrounding world actually perceives you/ what your actual status, position are.

I'll give a few simplified examples of disbalance: (I used mostly "he" and "she" once to make it easier for myself, it doesn't imply anything)
one person might think he's very important while most of the people around him think he's not important at all but maybe... arrogant.
one person might think that he's worthless but a lot of people around him might actually look up to him and value his advice.
one person might think he's fat and ugly while people around think he's fine or even handsome.

The perception is obviously dependent on the state of the group and person. What I'm talking about is being sort of.... generally mistaken...
I'll try to give 2 more examples:
Let's say a person thinks he's good singer and to some (let's say... to people with tone deafness) he might seem like one but to a professional musician he might sound horrible. A delusional person might get angry at the professional and would want to hear only what he wants, he only wants to accept reality that he's created in his mind.

Or another example (seen and met a lot of people, usually women like that): she might think that she's ugly while many people don't think that. she might end up being happy with compliments but she'll most likely believe those whose words reflect her negative thoughts.

It's actually not really an Asperger's issue but it seems that sometimes it presents itself more intensely in people on the spectrum.

As for opinion, I haven't really expected anything particular. Any opinion is welcome

 

[shinyedge]

A famous study in psychology many years ago concluded that depressed people actually had much more accurate perceptions of their abilities than non-depressed people. It would seem that unrealistic beliefs are characteristic of a healthy mind.

I believe that I am capable of accomplishing a lot, given opportunities and guidance from people who can teach and inspire me. But my social awkwardness gets in the way. I don't get opportunities because I am horrible at job interviews. I don't get guidance or inspiration because I am very reluctant to ask people for help, often don't know what help I need, and probably wouldn't recognize helpful or inspiring thoughts if they were offered.

On a physical level, I believe that I have a better perception of reality than most people. I have a deep understanding for how a lot of things work, and I am often surprised by other people's lack of understanding. My wife, for example, was surprised recently to learn from me that water pipes have water in them even when the faucet is off.

On a social level, I am sort of clueless. I have read so much about social interaction that I probably know more about relationships in theory than most NTs, but putting it into practice is another matter. I think most people who know me regard me much more highly than I regard myself, but I can't imagine what they could see in me.

The woman who thinks she is ugly has a confirmation bias. She notices things that are consistent with what she believes, and dismisses anything inconsistent with it. To use my wife as an example again, she can be surrounded by women who are less attractive than her, but she only compares herself with the one or two young, slender, blemish-free women in the room. Most people have some forms of confirmation biases.

 

[Arashi222]

This is a hard question. I think to some degree we are all unrealistic. But I am a fatalistic pessimist in terms of my own life and maybe that's because of all the crap that's come before. I learned early on that people don't do what they say they are gonna do they make promises only to break them, they leave you forever when they tell you they never would and promise that they won't. I tend to believe that yes I can do a lot but there are many more things that I know I can't do and will never be able to do either due to the AS or due to my vision problems. It doesn't stop me from trying but I have a realistic view of the fact that I might just fail miserably and that's the end of that. I tend to have my own world in my head most of you have seen my dolls and those characters are from my head they were created to be my friends my escape into a world that I knew all the rules and how things were supposed to be. So to answer your question. I don't know. I guess for me it depends.

 

[epath13]

I guess there's no simple answer... and I'm still not sure what I'm getting at
Maybe it's not about being realistic at all, maybe it's about expectations and beliefs. Some people have expectation and as shinyedge says noticing things that match those expectations and beliefs. I think I might have made a mistake somewhere... doesn't matter... I'll return to it when my head is clear again

 

[Megan]

I think I'm pretty realistic about all of that when I'm feeling clear-headed.

 

[Geordie]

So as for my future... I tend to be realistic, but people think it's pessimistic. I'm always interested in options and that's the optimism that keeps me going. My abilities... that backfired in the past on me. Trying university and dropping out multiple times for a variety of reasons. Still I tried, that counts for some kind of optimism, yet I do tend to put it in the realism bin in that I'll note that it actually just did not work out. That's an experience I had in the past.

As for abilities... to be honest, I don't know if I'm optimistic or overconfident. I'm quite sure that I can say that IF... and that's the IF... if I really want to achieve X, and it requires skill Y, I can do it. I never had a problem with motivating myself for purely personal goals. I did and still do have a problem in motivating myself for goals that aren't well... within my own heart. It's why I don't care for college and all... understanding the importance of a degree still is no motivation in my... well... personal universe. And playing that game with something that's not my way to tackle the problem, doesn't work in a practical sense as well. But for instance; I feel that with things I actually like; recording music, painting, doing digital graphic design, I'm quite confident to say that I'm not terrible at it, I can improve and I do improve and don't mind taking advice from people with more skills there.

I like your post because like you, I prefer to express my ideas. I love to sing (I don't play any musical instruments though), I love to draw (though not as well as my friends) and I love to daydream.

I am realistic that I am not able to express my ideas all the time. I know what I want given my own circumstances, and I do them, even though I don't have the discipline to follow the general societal line of thinking 100% of the time. But well, I'll give myself 10 years after graduation to see whether accounting works out for me, and I can thrive in the world of business. If I'm just like any other accountant I know, with no value-addedness to the society, then I better pursue a second bachelor's degree in general studies, with an emphasis on both communications and urban studies.

Daydreams, indeed.

 

[WildCat]

I'm a bit too hyper-realistic at times, so much so that it's actually caused me major distress on at least one occasion. It seems like pessimism has controlled my life for so long and that when I try my hand at imagination, I quickly forget about it and think about what will be rather than what can be. I see so many people with these fantastic ideas and many of them haven't even gotten down to the nitty-gritty, the implementation stage. It's just thinking, fantasies, theories, sometimes pure ********. I don't know, really, some people are doers and others are thinkers.

 

[Simply a Bibliophile]

I tend to be a do-or-die kind of person, whether achieving whatever it is that I'm trying to achieve is realistic or not. For example, I had to take a test in order to take advanced placement Chemistry this year. I failed the test by four points the first time (not used to studying) but forged on ahead to take it a second time. It put me through enormous anxiety for the three weeks in-between, I became an insomniac and would stay up until the AM some nights trying to go over and over concepts that I had already learned, just to make sure that I had them down. I passed the test the second time, with one point to spare. I feel as if the first time I had unrealistic expectations for myself: I wanted to do well and was convinced that I would pass it with flying colors. The second time I was a little more humbled, which was good I suppose.

Mostly, the way that I see myself is unrealistic. I don't usually see myself as I am. I'm very pessimistic about my self image, especially my intelligence. To some degree I mostly just live in my head, although I often see the world as it is. As someone else said, socially I'm completely unrealistic. I think "Oh, _____ hates me..." when really we just had one single disagreement. Or, alternatively I'll think "I really get along well with ______." even if we just had one positive interaction and they're completely indifferent towards me.