How to approach a woman on a dating site?

[Greatshield17]

I'm looking for my future spouse on an online dating site, and I'm having difficulty getting women to respond to the messages I send out to them. I struggle between my messages being too generic or too awkward or intrusive, how do I find the balance?

 

[Ken S.]

Back when the dinosaurs roamed the earth we met people in person rather than playing "Internet dating roulette." People online are so fake why would you want to go that route?

 

[hatfullofrain]

Well, baring in mind we are all living in the midst of a pandemic, actually going out and meeting people isn't really the best idea.

Greatshield are you not managing to meet single ladies through church? In my experience there are more single women than men and if the want to marry another Catholic it's slim pickings.

Are there no Catholic events you could go to when things open up again? Maybe you could volunteer to help set things up or serve tea or something to meet others at the meetup.

 

[Gerontius]

Hello Greatshield17,

Get thee to a bookstore and read The Jeweler's Shop by JP2. Best reflection on matrimony ever.

One thing that may help, is to do your interactions with confidence. Hopefully you have friends who may happen to be women. Consider that a potential dating pool; it's a good idea because it's better to love someone who is your best friend, than to love someone who you just like.

Also, I don't know what kind of profile you are putting out there, but you're pretty overtly Catholic on here. That is good. I am Catholic too. Lots of people are. But if I didn't know you from W.P., well, I'd think, "Well there goes the neighborhood, the sorts of people who take Charles Coulombe seriously are back."

I love Latin Mass and wish that was the prevailing form, but distrust the traditionalist movement because I used to be in it. So it's very possible that other people may think "What's a Traditional Catholic? Is that like the SSPX or something" and the girls may not know. It does not help that Tradittionalists have not the reputation for being the Latin lovers (their idea of a Latin lover is someone who spends three or four years reading Fr. Henley's Grammar) and that the average stereotypical Trad encountered on the Internet is a controlling sod, smoking his pipe and reading Michael Voris, wishing for a Leave it to Beaver past that never happened, with a heart colder than a cast-iron toilet seat.

Of course you have the advantages of a good personality and an independent, can-do attitude so I am quite certain that you will do well but sending out the right bait is what you will need for online dating.

In person, why not just go up to people and say hello? It's pretty straightforward. I think you can make friends with a girl easily enough. I don't try; already have one friend who's a girl & don't think I want any more practice at present.

 

[Fino]

I would think if they're not responding to your messages, it would have more to do with your profile and appearance than it would the content of your messages.

 

[Major Tom]

I would think if they're not responding to your messages, it would have more to do with your profile and appearance than it would the content of your messages.

Or they are bots.

 

[Els]

I'm looking for my future spouse on an online dating site, and I'm having difficulty getting women to respond to the messages I send out to them. I struggle between my messages being too generic or too awkward or intrusive, how do I find the balance?

You send something that has to do with them. You look at THEIR pictures, and you send something ABOUT THEM. "What's your dog's name?", "Do you like X activity?". Okay, those aren't SUPER GOOD ones, but they're not that bad. You find a personal interest to catch her attention. You don't make it creepy either, something that's too much in the background of a picture or too detailed but not funny, that would ring an alarm. You do basic stuffs (animals, sports, activities, music, whatever you see about them). That's how you start a conversation with people, even in real life, you try to find a sentence that's a bit funny (no mocking) or interesting AND about this person. What you want is the person to start to talk to you, so that's what you do. You find something to make them talk. You just try to be curious and make the person talk about something that obviously the person likes. IRL it's the same. You introduce a subject that's obviously something the other one LIKES. I'm a woman, that's the technique that used to work the best on me in real life, I guess because of the autistic special interests. Maybe other women like other stuffs, this is something I don't know about.

I agree with the others, dating sites might not be a good idea and you might be loosing your time there. People use dating sites mostly for sex to be honest. And you have no idea who you're really talking to. Real life is safer and I think you loose less time.

 

[Gerontius]

I wonder, Greatshield17, whether you would have better luck getting on a Catholic dating site in particular, and going from there. There are Catholic ones, and even "Traditionalist" ones--though I do not think that is a great idea because those attract sedevacantists just as much as they do attract normal people. Maybe you could filter those replies out a little.

• When you get your picture made, use a timer on the camera. No one wants to date your arm.
• Dress nicely for your picture and shave (unless you like beards, or stubble is your trademark look. Just be tidy & neat.)
• You don't have to smile but do look pleasant; confidence will take you a long way.
• Have fun and remember there are plenty of chances.

Well, good luck!

 

[Ken S.]

Well, baring in mind we are all living in the midst of a pandemic, actually going out and meeting people isn't really the best idea.

I would rather die from the virus than live in fear of it.

 

[Tom]

Crawl on your belly thru the grass, stealthily till within bowshot range. Then jump up suddenly and run forward, making the final approach screaming your head off. With luck the surprise will upset her aim and she will miss or perhaps just hit the poor fellow next to you.

 

[Gerontius]

Crawl on your belly thru the grass, stealthily till within bowshot range. Then jump up suddenly and run forward, making the final approach screaming your head off. With luck the surprise will upset her aim and she will miss or perhaps just hit the poor fellow next to you.

I read this in a David Attenborough voice. Sorry not sorry.

 

[Greatshield17]

Thanks everyone for your advice, I'm trying to put it all into practice although it's very difficult for various reasons, that I don't have time to go into detail on.