Below is what I did daily to help transform for the better a lifelong negative, self-defeating and obsessive mindset, to a more positive, relaxed, and confident person, who no longer let negative others, harmful situations, and past traumas control me or determine my functionality or happiness in life.
(1) Self Praise daily: Everyday I found one or more good things to say about me and to focus on, several times a day, whether it be a trait, an action I did that, a bad action I did not do, something good said about me, and like a positive phrase about me, to say over and over to myself. Also, like secretly give yourself a positive nickname, or use a positive trait about yourself as a password, and rename items near you to reflect something good about you.
(2) Reward yourself daily. Those with very low self esteem or who are used to pleasing others or denying themselves of pleasures, and those who are trained to think more obsessively or negatively, they deserve to ease anxieties, negativity and stress by either getting or doing things they enjoy, are good at, or that they like or love. Too often we are trained to put others first, or we subconsciously do not make time for ourselves. Daily reward yourself somehow. By receiving something or doing something that you see as a positive, this will make you feel deserving then of compliments and good deeds you get from others. Even if that reward is partially just more time for yourself, this is great too.
(3) Use positive visualizations daily to change negative thoughts and feelings to positive ones. By doing so repetitively, for at least a few times daily, like once in the morning, once in the afternoon and once at night, over weeks of doing this, this can trick your mind to thinking these were actual real life experiences. So, if one goal for me as a very shy person was to talk and initiate more, with confidence, and to be at ease socializing with people, I visualized that in graphic detail, and I visualized me often succeeding there, by daydreaming of numerous different such sceneries involving social successes.
If another goal was to deal better with a traumatic past, I imagined myself no longer as a bad or weak child that feared or hated my parents, but I visualized in detail me as being brave, a great person, and strong those years, and now, with my parents apologizing sincerely for everything. I daydreamed how I learned so much from that environment and from those persons who likely cared much, but just did not know how to show it due to their own conditions or anxieties. As well, I visualized daily of the times too my parents did great things. Over time, the more one has such positive visualizations, regardless what your specific visualizations are, whether true or fictional, this will indeed start not only start changing a negative mindset, but cause one to worry and fear less as well, and causing one a feeling to be more in control.
(4) Change Positives to Negatives daily. Yes, at first this will be hard too, for one with long term negative thinking, obsessiveness and worrying, but over time, by constantly finding something good in a bad thing or situation, this should not only cause much less times daily thinking, feeling and acting negatively, but more time daily thinking, feeling and acting in a positive way. In the beginning, it may be more difficult, but the more you practice twisting these thoughts and feelings, the easier it will be to do so. Then, over time, your mind should be naturally seem more positive, and your actions the same. This does not mean that temporarily, one cannot be negative, or that never can a person be negative, as sometimes we need to see something in a negative light to learn from it, or to correct some mistake, or to get it out of our system to heal. But, once the lesson is learned, and that natural feeling felt, dwelling on it more than one should, often produces more harm than good.
Let’s say for example I by mistake dropped a dish and it broke to pieces. Yes, I can be briefly upset at myself for that, in order to try to be more careful next time, but then focus on the fact it least it was not a hundred to thousands dollar dish, and at least nobody got hurt by the sharp pieces. Also, another example. Let’s say one blurted out the wrong words by mistake because of comprehension difficulties or when under duress, and someone else felt hurt by the words. Yes, it’s ok to feel embarrassed or bad about saying that, but sooner than later tell yourself, “I learned now that those words can hurt, or it was not my intention and I understand things better now, and it gives me an opportunity to show the other I can be polite, and tell them am sorry.” By repetitively finding and focusing on some good you can find in something originally seen as a negative or bad, this helps one become less worrying, anxious, negative, fearful and pessimistic, and more optimistic, confident, positive and relaxed.
(5) Divert your mind from something specific that you see as anxiety or fear producing, bad or negative, to something totally different that is more happy, calming, beautiful and positive. For instance, instead of dwelling on a mistake you made, a trait you perceive as being substandard, or an inaction you did that resulted in something bad, or some inability you have, quickly change or divert your mind to something else that would be seen as positive in nature, like some beautiful or relaxing nature setting, a video game you love, an activity you enjoy, or a dream you have. The less time you are having negative thoughts or focusing on such, and the more easier you can think of something else positive at a moments notice, this creates more healthy and positive thoughts and routines, and it creates one to be more in control of what they think and feel.
(6) Temporarily Altering Posture, Gesture and Facial Expression. Another way to help get out of a negative thought or feeling, or to stop a harmful action, is by changing your posture, gesture and/or or facial expression temporarily to more quickly reach one’s desired physical and mental state. Admittedly though, this technique may work best for those who are not lifelong maskers, or for those who naturally are able to show easier the emotions they feel, using body, gesture and facial expression.
This is because the theory is that since many people smile when they are happy, stand up more stiff when confident, have head down or body slumped when shy, lacking energy or sad, self-help experts then feel if one wants to trick the mind to feel that more positive way, or get out of that more negative state, then alter the body to those desired gestures and positions, to get your mind jump started to being in that other mood. Again though, it may best and most natural though for all moods and feelings to be experienced first, regardless how negative, at least temporarily, for proper learning to occur, and for healing to occur.
(7) Find one or more supportive, understanding or positive persons, and avoid negative persons, when able. This will help speed up the process in being more positive, worrying less, and in having greater self-esteem. More positive support from another or others, and more time and healthy space to think and feel, away from negative others, will mean more time, motivation and energy to work towards your goals, without setbacks from those others. When you receive support, true compliments, and friendship from another, and when you are distanced from critiques, rejection, and those who do not believe in you or see the good in you, it can result in more time needed to accomplish your goals.
(8) Use humor daily. Make light of stressful or negative situations or things by sometimes using humor. Too often people take the world too seriously, and sometimes for good reason. But, life is what we make of it. People can have conditions, adverse situations, and need assistance in some way, but there is no saying we cannot use humor during some of these moments. Humor is a way too of reducing anxiety and telling our mind it’s ok to think, feel and process information in this way as well.
