How to explain to a social worker - ASC/Asperger's + alexithymia

[Alexej]

I have a meeting coming up with a social worker (due to the stress caused my live in father in law). However, I know that the impression you make in this type of meeting is as important as what you say.

As officially diagnosed with ASC and self diagnosed with alexithymia. I want to give her the heads up about how to "read" me and my reactions.

Any suggestions as to how to suggest she prepare for the meeting, and any resources that might be useful?

 

[Thinx]

Didn't get what it's about? Is it you who's stressed or your father in law? What are your hopes for the meeting?

 

[Alexej]

Didn't get what it's about? Is it you who's stressed or your father in law? What are your hopes for the meeting?

I am the one who is stressed by my father in law.
Regarding the hoped for outcome form the meeting I am hoping to be recognised as a carer of my father in law and to receive some support in carrying out this role.

 

[Suzette]

Oh, I see.

I would skip any discussion of your alexthymia. That is not important. You can't make an appeal by showing stress with emotions any way.

What you will need is documentation. A diary of the dates, time spent and the care given.
Do you cook for him and clean his home?
Do you help him dress, bathe or assisst with the toilet ?
Do you give him his meds or change dressings or a chatheter?

You need to show how you care for him and the time you spend doing so.

Are you his sole or primary caregiver? Explain why..
Do you spend your own (your households money) on his care such as paying for meds, food, clothing. Be prepared to provide reciepts or bank statements showing the money you spent.

And research how much a professional doing the same job would make. In my area $25.00 per hour is average. (I know this from the care of an elderly friend). Google the information and print out the page to show the social worker.

Documentation is what you need. If you have not been logging your father inlaws care in a diary, write a detailed summary like "I have been caring for my father inlaw since December 2019. I provide full time care including x x x." Etc.

This is objective data the social worker can use to figure out how help you.

 

[Alexej]

Oh, I see.

I would skip any discussion of your alexthymia. That is not important. You can't make an appeal by showing stress with emotions any way.

Thank you for the reply @Suzette. The things you have covered are clear to me and I can address these aspects reasonably well.
My concern it how to describe the effects on me and my mental health, which is a more subjective aspect of the meeting. I recognise that I will probably present as competent and holding it all together, but due to my inability to know, name and vocalise what I feel I might come across as less in need of support as I actually am.

 

[Suzette]

Thank you for the reply @Suzette. The things you have covered are clear to me and I can address these aspects reasonably well.
My concern it how to describe the effects on me and my mental health, which is a more subjective aspect of the meeting. I recognise that I will probably present as competent and holding it all together, but due to my inability to know, name and vocalise what I feel I might come across as less in need of support as I actually am.

The social worker should expect you to act in a professional manner so they won't expect to see you frazzled. You can simply explain that you are stressed and have "a lot in your plate" with handling your father inlaws care plus your own family needs.

Keep emphasizing the facts. Especially how much time you sprnd caring for your father inlaw. When discussing time verbally, use broad generalizations. Save the detailed time accounting for your diary if you have one.

"Careing for my father inlaw is a full time job. It is my responsibility to get him up in the morning, help him with bathing and get him dressed..., I can't do xxx for myself. I don't know how have conversations any more, I don't sleep well or nearly enough" etc.

Just stick with the facts. What is the results of your stress (example above). You don't actually have to describe how you feel.

I hope that helps.

 

[Alexej]

I hope that helps.

Yes it does - thank you