How to keep my thoughts for myself ?

[rickxxxblaine]

Hello everyone,
I have some kinda huge social problem, I can't keep my thoughts for myself.

I almost always can't stop telling people what they just said inspire me. And they don't always like it. To be true they often didn't ask my opinion and I believe it's some kind of intrusion anyway.

This causes any kind of damage, especially with my closest ones. When we have an argument I can tell anything I think without any filter and really cause pain or induce events that are not really in my favor.

And sometimes, after an hour or so, I can change my mind... So i don't think what I was thinking 10 minutes ago anymore.

This causes another problem, how can I trust my own thoughts ? When should I stop thinking about something and make a decision that will not change ?

Thank you

 

[DogwoodTree]

There might be more of a pattern to it than you realize--it's easy for me to get stuck in my current-moment experience and think "This is the way it will always be," even though I realize it won't.

Have you tried journaling? Writing your thoughts out can help you see them better and start to see patterns of shifts. Plus, that might reduce your need to say those thoughts out loud.

 

[Catlover614]

That's a very good question. From my own personal experiences, I have let words come out of my mouth without thinking and hurt people's feelings,not meaning to. I am brutally honest and that doesn't make for good conversation. Now, I have learned to just keep my mouth shut. I'm not much of an opinionated person, I love facts. Dogwood Tree is right about Journaling your thoughts. That way, you can express yourself without incident. I sometimes have to bite my tongue to keep myself out of trouble. Hope this helps.

 

[Suzanne]

I do exactly the same thing ie witha great deal of amination, I happy tell the person how they have enspired me and I suppose they get embarrassed because of my enthusiasm ( not screaming and jumping up and down though).

I always have the tendency to say what I am thinking and because it rarely comes out how I wish, I end up getting a lot of shocked looks and well, snubbery!

I sincerely wish I knew the formula to stop

What I do say though, is that I am tons better now and wish that I could say, I never do, but the thing is, that even nt's put their foot in it!

I am sorry for not being able to help.

 

[WereBear]

Oh, I say all kinds of things. I just don't say them out lout. I imagine me saying it, and people's reaction, but all that is just in the TV in my head.

 

[rickxxxblaine]

Tried the diary thing for the two last days. Works fine but not the way I thought it would. It simply allows me to summarise my thoughts. So when I talk to others, I'm kinda 'prepared' and I know better what's important to me and what's not. So it's less speech/noise and more useful information. Seems to allow better attention, too. And less speech means less risk of saying something that will be misunderstood. Thank you, this won't solve everything but it will help for sure

 

[WereBear]

Tried the diary thing for the two last days. Works fine but not the way I thought it would. It simply allows me to summarise my thoughts. So when I talk to others, I'm kinda 'prepared' and I know better what's important to me and what's not. So it's less speech/noise and more useful information. Seems to allow better attention, too. And less speech means less risk of saying something that will be misunderstood. Thank you, this won't solve everything but it will help for sure

I am so glad for you that you found something that worked. And the way it works intrigues me: I have long thought that we do have "looser connections" along our mental pathways, and that is how we can get sidetracked so easily.

The fact that this journaling process is so helpful is an interesting insight into other strategies, I think.

 

[Judge]

It's definitely an Aspie trait. One of the most problematic ones, IMO. However with all traits and behaviors, it becomes a question of whether one has any real control over them, and to what degree of control that might entail.

That's the challenge. That self-control one employs in being able to hold back and not verbalize what you are thinking. To always pause and collect your thoughts before responding, and in choosing when or where not to respond at all. Something I believe one is apt to have to work at repetitively for it to sink in. Assuming of course that it is individually possible for you to even get to that point. But geez...this is a trait that can be so ruinous for so many of us and so often in real-time communication.

I was lucky. In growing up I had an NT brother who has always had no problem saying what was on his mind. Seeing the endless consequences of his words helped condition me to "keep my head down" and not be so forthright to say what was on my mind. Not that I ever mastered this skill...but I gained enough control that I like to think I prospered from it. Especially at work, where I existed in a nasty, predatory environment for a very long time. Where "keeping my head down" at the right time and place served me well.

Is it easy now? No. It will never be "easy". I think that reflects how "hard-wired" such traits and behaviors can be. Yet depending on the individual, one may be able to gain some degree of control. No guarantees though.

In the simplest terms, try to restrain an instant response to much of anything. If you learn to do so with the most benign social interactions, then it may eventually become easier to restrain yourself over more complex and unpredictable social interactions.

 

[vincentcaulfield]

I really feel for you since I have a similar problem and I would really like to know how much does journaling help you (all of those who've done this)? I'm awaiting a diagnosis but I still have a huge problem with this. I can mostly keep my thoughts to myself since I've been taught not to say e.g rude things etc, but then I really struggle every day to not just say whatever I think, and sometimes it just won't work. I'm suddenly talking a lot about what my thoughts are on this thing and then I can't keep my voice down but I have absolutely no idea that I might be sounding angry or irritated or something of that sort. I would really like something that could help me to not feel that extreme urge to say those things - and do you have trouble knowing how your voice is sounding?
I'm not sure about keeping a diary for me (I don't think I have paranoia), because I keep thinking about "what if someone will find it", "what if they'll read it when I die - because I can die whenever I have no control of that", "and when they read it when I'm dead I have nothing to say and I can't correct them if they've understood it wrongly".
Opinions and help would be really appreciated!

 

[DogwoodTree]

because I keep thinking about "what if someone will find it", "what if they'll read it when I die - because I can die whenever I have no control of that", "and when they read it when I'm dead I have nothing to say and I can't correct them if they've understood it wrongly".
Opinions and help would be really appreciated!

I write my journaling in a Word document that is encrypted, so no one will be able to read it later without my permission. If I'm gone and no one knows the key, then the data goes with me.