How to let go of evil family

[Erik Bennet]

my parents had me later in life when they were old and they died in 1999 and 2005 and i only had other relatives left to take me in but they rejected me so i was placed in care home for people with disorders and im still here now and they blamed me for my parents death and said they died of stress that i caused for being the R word and Spas___ word and they blamed the deaths on me and it has haunted me every day and i dont know how to let go of thinking about these cruel people and everyday it burns on me and haunts my nightmares and even my own dad and mother said the same thing i was ruining their lifes and they wished i would just die i just dont know how to forget all these bad people i just want to move on and it gets worse around christmas as everyone talks about being with their family and leaves and all the staff at my home leave and im left alone and last year i went into a rage fit and pulled a pipe off the wall and hot water leaked everywhere because i ate canned hotdog with some bread alone here and everyone else went out with families for christmas and every november december the monthly pain comes back for my wicked family

 

[Mary Terry]

I'm sorry that happened to you. It seems that evil family has already abandoned you so you need a way to purge your mind of what they said to you in the past. I bet your parents loved you very much although they may have sometimes said cruel things about you. Parents are just people who get frustrated sometimes and say things they shouldn't say.

Are you friends with any of the other residents at the care home? Maybe one of them would invite you to go with them to their family's home for the holidays. Is there staff at the care home over the holidays? Maybe one of the staff members will join with you to have a Christmas dinner.

If you can't physically leave the care home and there really is no one to share the holiday with you, then try to plan ahead what you're going to eat for Christmas and make yourself a good holiday dinner. Try to love yourself for Christmas instead of hating other people.

 

[Mia]

That's a horrible thing to carry around in your thoughts with people blaming you being born. That's simply shameful and repulsive that people would say such a thing.

Your parents decided to have a child, it was not a decision you could have made, as you did not exist at the time. Therefore you are not responsible for their decisions. You are responsible for yourself, and the cruel opinions of others are only theirs, not yours. People can say awful things.

If you have low self-esteem caused by other people, you become more vulnerable to other people's opinions. You ruminate over them, and are less compassionate with yourself. Think you need to consider your strengths and figure out what you enjoy and are good at, to build up your own self-confidence. Whatever they may be.

You could look into programs in your community, that might help you to have contact with other people. Knowing what's out there, whether it be guidance, counseling, volunteer work, might help you out of this mindset and lead the way to changes in your life.

 

[OkRad]

It sounds like you might have PTSD from all of that terrible trauma! Do you have a trauma specialist? I have some members of my family who are kind, but others feel the same way about me that yours feel about you. I have no choice but to have nothing ever to do with them. When I start to think about them, I have to distract and do something else or it hurts a lot. I hope you can move toward healing. If it's any comfort, I stopped celebrating Christmas a LONG TIME AGO, so there will be others who are alone, eating bread or crackers and HAPPY to do so

 

[Nihil]

Don't listen to anyone who tells you you have to forgive family. Only do that if you're ready to do that. If not, it's perfectly fine to not forgive them.

 

[Pats]

What horrible things for those people to say. You did NOT lead to their death and how could anyone possibly blame you. If someone feels it was stress that caused their death - even that would not have been your fault. It sounds like they were unable to handle life. Other people do it every day and handle things well. Try to let go of that guilt, because you were in no way responsible. I agree with @Mary Terry that parents get frustrated and may say things they shouldn't. You said they were older when they had you - it is not a mystery that they would die like everyone else.
And as for Christmas - I plan to be home and alone, as many on here will be. I will be on this forum and you and anyone else who feels the need for some company can find some here. Spend Christmas with us - maybe not in person, but we'll be together in conversation and hearts.

 

[Fino]

Have you talked about these things much with people out-loud? I found that it helped me. And if you mean literally forget them, you won't. I don't think forgetting is the solution.

 

[Annanda]

I don't think forgetting is the solution.

I totally agree, Fino. Forgetting or not forgetting isn't even a choice, I think.
What you can do is to surrender.
Yes, I know!
Don't get me wrong.
Live is like it is! There are many things you may not be able to change, like the death of your aging parents, the mean things people say and so on.
What you can change is your view on them and your enmeshment with them.
Like @Pats and many others said.

and i dont know how to let go of thinking about these cruel people and everyday it burns on me and haunts my nightmares

Deep in your heart you may know, @Eric Bennet that you are a worthwhile person. You survived all this horrible stuff, which is by itself a great achievement, that proves your very strength. May be you prepare yourself a bit for Christmas. What are the things you enjoy doing, what is special to you? Make a list and then look, what you can do by yourself, for what you may need assistance and whom you could ask for it.

Me too I will be alone at home and I will celebrate an evening just for myself.