How to motivate an aspie husband

[zoe7]

Hi everyone. My husband has very mild aspergers, presents as fairly normal, but has big issues with grooming and diet.
When I first met him, I noticed that he wouldn't wash his hair for weeks and had to be told to brush his teeth by his mother.
I was also concerned about his bad diet and got the impression that he had issues with self neglect.

After marriage, I was convinced that I would change his diet and bad habits. That was before I found out he had Aspergers.
About 7 years ago, I got him reading Dr Mercola's health blog. He reads it daily, but unfortunately won't change his diet which is still quite bad.

At the start of the year, I rang his doctor and told him of my concerns. I stated that I wanted him to refer my husband to a
dietitian, as I felt his health was suffering. Some tests were done, which showed an elevated cholesterol level.
My husband kept this info from me and made out that the tests were "normal". I rang the clinic about a month ago and they revealed that they had spoken to him about his results and told him to start eating better.

This unfortunately hasn't happened and his diet seems to be worse than ever. He will go off to the shops and come home with lemonade, junk food etc. I'm also concerned that his work place has a bar onsite and they have drinks sessions twice a week. My husband never used to drink alcohol before this.

I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. I was thinking of ringing the doctor and telling him about these issues, as the doctor doesn't know he has aspergers and neglects his health. I have also tried to make my husband go to the dietitian myself, but he shows no interest.

If anyone out there has been in a similar situation, I'd love to hear from you.

 

[Ylva]

Similar and similar…

Here is how I got myself to stop eating/drinking refined sugar:

It's poison.

I know that it is poison. I have researched it carefully, and I know what it does to me; tissues, cells, nerves, all of it.

Knowing alone may not have been enough, though, since I kept drinking soda for another while. I noticed that it tasted worse and worse. So in the end, I decided to quit. It may have been a habit, but it was irrational to keep it, and as a result, it took very little willpower to get rid of it.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

What is his typical diet? Will he eat a broad range of foods? Some Aspies have issues with food textures. My ex-husband is an undiagnosed Aspie. I used to think he was just fussy so I took great delight in disguising some foods that he supposedly didn't like, watch him eat them and then tell me it was delicious. I have a good friend that I suspect is Aspie and he is even more fussy with his food. The only vegetables he will eat are potatoes and corn. I can get a little variety in meals when he comes for dinner but to keep the meal low in fat makes it very boring and tasteless.

The carbohydrates in my diet these days have mostly a low glycaemic index (GI). My diet is also low in fat, high in fibre and contains moderate amounts of protein. When I eat this way I do not crave refined sugars and chocolate because my blood glucose levels are more stable and glucose rises slowly after eating. If you are interested in knowing more about this diet, there are a number of books co-authored by Prof Jennie Brand-Miller who is internationally recognised as an authority on the GI. There is also a blog updated monthly at ginews.blogspot.com.au.

 

[zoe7]

Hi there.

Good to hear some feedback. Regarding his diet. My husband eats sandwiches for lunch and his dinner is reasonably healthy.
I think the major issue is the types of foods he's snacking on. Basically soft drinks and salty crackers etc.
I have tried to educate him on the importance of low GI but he is still addicted to sugar.

I think the main issue I have is with the Doctor. I have a friend (female) who went to this GP who was referred to a dietitian because of their weight. When I suggested to the Doctor that my husband be referred as well, he just said "i'll get him to look at a healthy eating
web site." This isn't going to work, because he's been reading Mercola for the last 8 years and nothing seems to sink in.

So I really need advice on how to approach the doctor.

 

[Cyanide Lollipop]

Considering that your husband has been reading Mercola for 8 years and did not admit to his blood test results, do you really think that referring to a dietitian will help? If he comes home after seeing his doctor and does not mention the dietitian, are you prepared to admit you have spoken with his doctor? Is it possible he won't make or keep an appointment with the dietitian?

I don't mean to be sexist or imply that food shopping is a woman's responsibility, but do you have healthy snacks available in the house? Does your husband only go to the shop because there are no snacks in the house? Who buys the bulk of the food for your household? If he lacks self control and you want his diet to change, then I would think that you need to ensure all meals prepared are healthy and low in GI and that there are healthy snacks available until such time that eating this way is normal for him. I think that removing all unhealthy foods is probably unrealistic and could perhaps make him protest, so keep small quantities/servings of those available.

 

[asnlifecoach]

I'd also be curious to learn about Zoe's diet. Do you eat healthy? Do you offer him something healthy when you prepare it for yourself? Little tastes of healthy foods will get him used to it just like a child had to try something 20 times before developing a taste for it. Sometimes leading by example...but also with an aspie in the house to make it known by saying it frequently and in detail how good you feel because of your diet, etc. may be enough to make him feel like it is his idea to try what you are trying because it is working for you. Nagging, dietitians, won't work. He has to have a desire to change his eating habits, and he has to feel like it came within himself.

 

[Sparticus]

Maybe when he's in a good mood, rested & not stressed from work, you can sit him down and tell him how much you love him. Then slowly & briefly wade into the waters of how if he changes 1 thing in his diet [less soda/substitute a healthy snack for crackers] you would be so proud of him etc. If it doesn't sound like a lecture he might start to listen. Positive reinforcement might work... It only takes us men about a decade to change...so if you've been telling him for 7 years you might almost be there! Sarcasm intended...

Wish I had better words of wisdom for you. This same conversation happened between my female friend and me. Though at the time I didn't listen to her [I was going thru a bad time.] Even having been an athlete, I leapted off my diet for junk food. Luckily that was mostly in the past. Though I...sh! anyone listening? ok...sometimes I still cheat on my diet a little...

As for the doctor I suggest bringing a serious looking middle aged RN who's holding a syringe...saying "ok doctor, look if you don't talk to the client I'm going to inject you myself..." My mom was an RN...

 

[zoe7]

Thanks for all the replies. To answer some of the posters on here..
My diet has always been very healthy. I've been gluten free for over 10 years and generally eat a
low sugar/GI diet. I've always tried to lead by example and cook healthy meals etc.
As far as shopping goes, its always been a shared responsibility. But if I buy healthy
snacks, my husband will go to the store and come back with his own snack food.

I'm generally the sort of person who would never try and control someone else's
eating habits, as it tends to cause resentment. That's why I thought a male dietitian would
be ideal, rather than a female.

 

[asnlifecoach]

Well you aren't trying to control, you have a legitimate worry and are doing everything you can to convince him to change his mind. He has a responsibility to you as your husband to stay as healthy as possible. He would be cheating you out of time with him if he continues on an unhealthy path.