How to not get overwhelmed with daily life?

[vergil96]

So I got overwhelmed again. I would want to ask what is it that is recommended for autistic people to not get overwhelmed all the time? I'm lost and I can't track down where it's coming from other than the change in routine - and I think I already got used to the routine, but it's not all and I'm still overwhelmed. I come back home and sit on a chair and do nothing for a few hours, not even watching a film.

 

[Outdated]

For me it's about over-exposure to emotional excitement and it has an accumulative effect. I explained it reasonably well in this post, post #3 if your browser doesn't take you directly to it.

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/talking-is-exhausting-me.45853/post-1045296

 

[Rodafina]

@vergil96
Could you be perilously close to burn out? Or perhaps, burnt out already? If we are continually exposed to stressors without adequate time to really recover, the effect piles on and can be crushing.

Sometimes, as painful as it can be, we have to really examine our life and see where certain things need to be cut out for long term survival. I think we can not thrive in a perpetual state of recuperation and always trying to mitigate sensory and social overwhelm. Perhaps there is something in your life that is really draining and it could go to the chopping block.

 

[Cryptid]

How to not get overwhelmed with daily life (what works for me):

• Read only the headlines posted by regular media news outlets, not the contents of each article.

• Avoid contentious, depressed, or pretentious people, whenever and wherever possible.

• Drink herbal teas, especially camomile.

• Take long, quiet bicycle rides in safe neighborhoods.

• Take long, quiet walks in a safe neighborhood.

• Indulge in "guilty pleasures", now and then (A Snickers bar and a bottle of Coke Zero for me).

• Take a nap.

 

[Au Naturel]

Do less - and prioritize what needs to be done and what does not. You may be allowing too many demands to be placed on you and/or you may be making the demands on yourself.

 

[tazz]

Since being diagnosed about 10 months ago I've paid a lot of attention to this. I'm still learning but I have made improvements. I'd echo some of what has already been said.

For me it is about both long term and short term thinking.

Long term: I'm in the process of making some bigger changes in my life - cut my working hours, let some types of work go, apply for some welfare payments so I can still pay the bills. This process is not yet complete but I can already see some benefits. Just generally I am finding I have fewer demands placed on me. And the work I am doing is much more flexible so if I'm feeling a little overwhelmed I can postpone the work until the following week, for example. I think this is going to make a huge difference.

Short term: Planning my week so that I don't get a cumulative build-up of things that I find difficult to cope with. For example, spacing out meetings so I have time to calm down afterwards; scheduling plenty of time to be on my own; finding some routines that I can retreat to when I feel the day is getting on top of me.

I have found that it's cumulative, so it can be difficult to spot when I'm getting overwhelmed. Each individual situation seems difficult but I cope so it doesn't immediately occur to me that there's a bigger problem brewing. But little by little I'm getting overwhelmed and then eventually I shut down or blow up. It's difficult to spot the early signs but I'm trying - I've noticed that when I start finding it difficult to order my thoughts into sentences when I talk to someone, I'm definitely in need of some quiet time.

 

[vergil96]

Could you be perilously close to burn out?

Yes, at least from a short-term perspective. I rested during the summer break, but it's been about a month into the term... I think I could be doing something better.

Let's make a comparison. I noticed recently that my eyesight got worse and I can't read in the evening and my eyes hurt. I have a small sight defect, I'm far-sighted and it's always been like that - I get tired and I find it difficult to read then. I thought the defect has gotten worse, because the glasses don't help me read in the evening or on Saturday after the whole week lately. I went to the ophthalmologist and it turned out that my sight defect is the same as it was and the doctor said to try to always use glasses for work, so that the eye won't get as tired in the first place, to not place so much burden on it.

One of the problems that I have that burden me a lot while attending university is my disorganization. I have problems with what gets called "executive function" on the internet. I always understood it as having ADHD, because I get distracted while doing something and begin doing something else. Or on the flip side, I hyperfocus on the simplest things and forget about everything else, I do it in too much detail, because it seems super important in the moment, lose sense of time, then get stressed that so much time passed and I'm late. I tried guides for ADHD, but they're all about reinforcement, and it doesn't help me, makes me only more stressed and stress makes it very hard to focus and impossible to do things that require patience and thinking.

Some mechanical tasks are also hard to figure out and more taxing then doing multidimensional calculus in memory or speaking and reading Japanese, I can't figure some things out spatially and where are my fingers, what is the shape of the thing, how not to drop it - I know it sounds crazy. I'm constantly dropping things, because I somehow can't feel them slipping out. It's tiring, mentally taxing to have to do it.

I can't put in the effort, control myself, do the demanding mechanical tasks, be on time - but it's very taxing. I think I'm doing it in a very suboptimal manner and that it could be made easier, although I have no clue how. It would be easier if my schedule was more monotone. Schedules... going to a class to a different hour can cause all kinds of things to go wrong. It's a very delicate balance if I make all the daily tasks work and make it on time. Two hours later - I have to squeeze in an extra meal and don't know whether to shower before or after, when to brush teeth, it turns out I did too many activities in a too short period of time and I stand staring at a wall for half and hour and then I'm late... all kinds of stupid problems like that. It's rocket science. I don't know, maybe I'm describing typical autism symptoms, but my brain is like... one thing that other people don't even notice isn't alright or is different than usual and everything changes and I just can't make things work any more. Day routines are especially painful, because I can't focus and get irritable if just one thing "goes wrong" e.g. I skip a meal, go to sleep at the wrong time, don't come back home at a certain hour, my brain won't cooperate without certain habits and it's being a total nazi about it. Small mistake = whole day wasted due to lack of focus and feeling snappy. It's giving... extremely unfair and cruel punishments for minor mistakes.

It's the same pattern with food. It's not my purpose to address food in this thread but I'm describing it for comparison purposes. I can eat one "wrong" thing and vomit or get extreme pain that makes it impossible to function. It's a real problem when going out with others, I have so many digestive issues that it's impossible to explain and I panic about some foods... I wish people didn't cause drama around it. I just can eat some things - others I categorically cannot. It's the same kind of nazism, but I have to conform and can't control my schedule. To be fair - I don't have a strict routine, because it's too hard to figure out - I don't know what I should be doing and I function in constant crisis mode to a large degree. I managed to mitigate at least some of it and remember about eating and I figured out sleeping, but I'm doing just 50% fine. To sum up: figuring out what to do and when is hard, taxing, and common advice to apply more reinforcement just makes me tilt instead of improve. I want to make it easier and don't know how.

 

[vergil96]

Then there are the interpersonal difficulties. I probably needlessly worry about some interactions and in some - I get talked over, it's not even that I'm shy or afraid, I'm not the fastest speaker and I think in pictures, it just takes time to translate it to words. Some people don't leave room for others, perhaps it's their fault, but I find it distracting when someone else talks... I'm not the talkative type. People don't read posts and messages - it's super frustrating. We have some group exercises at uni now and a few management classes - I hate management and the group work with difficult people is stressful.

I think we can not thrive in a perpetual state of recuperation and always trying to mitigate sensory and social overwhelm.

I 100% agree. It's not how life is supposed to look like.

Perhaps there is something in your life that is really draining and it could go to the chopping block.

I'm not sure what though. I just go to the university, because I have many classes, so I don't have time for team sports or learning Japanese. I do housework (and despise it) - I don't know how to limit the housework or make it less tiring. Cleaning on Saturday mornings and making it a habit seems to have worked and make it less tiring. The most difficult thing about the classes is not the content or the number of hours that I have, which is small, but getting there in person (there is no possibility to do the management online), the fact that I'm very bored with management (I'm doing a computer science degree, but for some reason I have 3 management classes this term and just one programming class... I enjoy programming enough to be ready to do it for the rest of my life) and dealing with the people who don't ever stop talking (perhaps some of them are hyperactive / have ADHD and some seem to be on the spectrum - it doesn't change the fact that I have no idea how to deal with them, given my own cognitive makeup). I'm thinking of dropping a class or two, but I'm already almost halway through the term and the group work isn't extremely bad, I can work with these people at least to a degree, which compared to the management class group work during the undergraduate degree is huge progress, so it would be more reasonable to not drop the classes.

 

[Rodafina]

@vergil96
Your two previous posts demonstrate just how much goes into how we are feeling and the myriad things that we are dealing with to function every day. I relate so much to what you described, and it does bring me back to when I was in university. In some ways it was a wonderful time because there was a sharp focus on the educational material. Luckily, my program was made up of older working people and the social demands were minimal. But your mention of group projects brings me right back to difficult days.

The idea of dropping a class or two is what I was thinking of when I said maybe something could go to the chopping block. It can be easier to make small changes here and there to “make time for ourselves,” but sometimes it is something much more substantial let needs to be eliminated. I ended up extending my time in graduate school from two years to four years because I realized that I had simply taken on too much. At first it stung to do this, but in the end, it was a better choice for me.

out - I don't know what I should be doing and I function in constant crisis mode to a large degree. I managed to mitigate at least some of it and remember about eating and I figured out sleeping, but I'm doing just 50% fine.

I think this answers the question in your original post. You are still surviving. You’re doing your best and hopefully things will settle down for you in the future.

I want to make it easier and don't know how.

I hear you.
I understand.
I don’t know either.
But, we keep trying.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

So I got overwhelmed again. I would want to ask what is it that is recommended for autistic people to not get overwhelmed all the time? I'm lost and I can't track down where it's coming from other than the change in routine - and I think I already got used to the routine, but it's not all and I'm still overwhelmed. I come back home and sit on a chair and do nothing for a few hours, not even watching a film.

Yeah it is hard when it gets too busy,I get stressed that is why I think bed is my regulation place where u just curl up and read or hug a plushie.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Making lists helps me. When something is written down, I don't have to carry it in my head.

After lists comes plans. I will make a list of everything I have to do, then make a plan to do just some of the things. E.g., today I will do the dishes and call my parents. The rest I will plan for later in the week. Once I know that "at this time, I'm going to do that thing", it's easier for me to follow through.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

How not to get overwhelmed:
1. Make lists. Check them off as you complete them. Life is full of distractions. Keep going back to the list to keep you on track. Have a series of small goals throughout the day. Each time you accomplish something, you'll get a little dopamine release that will keep your mind fresh.
2. Mini breaks throughout the day. 10-15 minutes of quiet "non stim" time in a bathroom, breakroom, locker room, someplace where you are least likely to be disturbed. A small drink and/or snack. Deep breathe. Chill out. THEN, back at it.
3. University studies, 30 minutes of study, 10-15 minutes of free time, 30 minutes of study, 10-15 minutes of free time. Alternate. Set a timer on your phone.
4. Go to bed at the same time. Get up at the same time. Keep your body (biorhythms) on a schedule.
5. Healthy, whole foods. Minimize carbs (proinflammatory). Maximize good fats. Water, lemon water, teas, and not sugary drinks. Avoid caffeine within 6 hours of bedtime.
6. Exercise. You can do this all at once, or in between your study times.

 

[vergil96]

I have to still implement lists, and I do eat healthy and exercise and sleep always in the same hours, but I tried doing the following:

2. Mini breaks throughout the day. 10-15 minutes of quiet "non stim" time in a bathroom, breakroom, locker room, someplace where you are least likely to be disturbed. A small drink and/or snack. Deep breathe. Chill out. THEN, back at it.
3. University studies, 30 minutes of study, 10-15 minutes of free time, 30 minutes of study, 10-15 minutes of free time. Alternate. Set a timer on your phone.

... and it seems to work - improves how I'm feeling and functioning by a lot. It's still not ideal, because it's hard to form new habits and I'll probably still need to fix a few other things. But wow, thank you, that gave me a lot, actually.

After lists comes plans. I will make a list of everything I have to do, then make a plan to do just some of the things. E.g., today I will do the dishes and call my parents. The rest I will plan for later in the week. Once I know that "at this time, I'm going to do that thing", it's easier for me to follow through.

I did that too -= basically limited household chores and other "random" activities to one at a time not 20 I have to do "right now". I don't have to do everything on the same day, eureka!