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How To Regain Trust From Someone In The Spectrum

S

summerslam1988

Active Member
When I was sixteen, I met a girl. She was very strange. But I liked her strangeness. I fell in love. It turns out to she was on the spectrum. Due to different paths in life, we split up.

A few years later, at 21, we began talking again. This time we were more serious. We admitted our love for each other and got engaged. I broke her trust and her heart. When she broke it off from me because of it, it broke my heart. I never got over her.

Now, at 35, we have begun talking again. We've both grown up since then. She has feelings for me, just as I am still in love with her. But she isn't sure she can trust me because of what happened before.

Does anyone have any advice on how to regain her trust?
 
But in all seriousness I doubt anyone would know how "you can regain her trust" but you.

We don't know her just because she has a diagnosis does not mean there is a set of parameters to work within. (We're all different as humans let alone being on the spectrum, work hard, treat her well show you are different and don't expect an instant result.)

Don't be a douche treat her well and work on it, it won't happen over night fact.

That's all the advice I have.

Good luck.
 
Don't bother going for a 3rd time. Just don't. Take it from a guy who's done this merry-go-round several times in the past. Sure it's nice, but the both of you absolutely need to move onto other people. Yes I know of the "third time's the charm" phrase, but alas, it serves no purpose or meaning in these kinds of situations.

And if you broke her trust, then there's a good chance you'll keep doing it. Again, don't bother. find someone else to be with.
 
Two break ups already ... I mean, are you really sure you want to go for round three? There's a lot of people in the world. Perhaps you two just aren't suited.
 
I wouldn't trust you either. Whatever you did that made her break off the engagement, you may do again.
 
I don't think any notion of regaining one's trust can be accomplished on an objective basis. That at best it's a subjective thing expressed in terms of degrees. Where you might be able to achieve being forgiven, but that it may be unrealistic to ever believe they will forget whatever your transgressions were.

Betrayal simply isn't something you can just "take back". Once it happens, it's out there forever. Where you might be able to sustain a damaged relationship, but not reset it to a point in time before you betrayed her.

Making a prognosis of sustaining such a relationship to be weak at best.
 
If your lives really are considerably different now from the past, to where such a relationship would prosper, all you can do is give it time and see how things go. But if I was her I'd be skeptical, I'd even be skeptical of myself and probably wouldn't even go there because I don't like to hurt people or waste their time.
 
grimmy said:
But in all seriousness I doubt anyone would know how "you can regain her trust" but you.

We don't know her just because she has a diagnosis does not mean there is a set of parameters to work within. (We're all different as humans let alone being on the spectrum, work hard, treat her well show you are different and don't expect an instant result.)

Don't be a douche treat her well and work on it, it won't happen over night fact.

That's all the advice I have.

Good luck.
Click to expand...
Good advice. Thank you!
 
[QUOTE="Isadoorian, post: 622641, member: 19920" if you broke her trust, then there's a good chance you'll keep doing it./QUOTE]
I really won't. I was a dumb kib before.
 
summerslam1988 said:
[QUOTE="Isadoorian, post: 622641, member: 19920" if you broke her trust, then there's a good chance you'll keep doing it./QUOTE]
I really won't. I was a dumb kid before.
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21's not a kid; you were an adult, just as you are now. So you were a dumb adult.

Again, I urge you the both of you to move on. Especially since she's unsure if she can trust you again. This isn't a love story in fairy tales or the a-typical Adam Sandler/Rom-com movie where the 3rd time's going to be the time to win the Love interest back or end up happy ever after, this is reality.

You're nearly 40. This isn't the time to play stupid games like this going around in circles trying to get together and then leave and so on and so forth. Now's the time to find relationships seriously and go one way. But, if you'd rather have all this end badly, and resume this vicious circle, you go right on ahead. No one here's going to stop you.
 
Even if she were to forgive you and give it another chance, it'll still be there and there will always be doubt and fear on her part. Sometimes our mistakes can change our lives forever.
 
Yeah, you're going for a 2nd chance here. Sure you're older now but there still could be some work for you to do to fully get her trust back.
 
I think something else you need to ask yourself is do you love her enough to possibly spend years proving yourself to her and carrying the guilt she might lay on you for years to come? I actually have helped a few marriages over come a mistake of judgement where one cheated on the other but truly regretted the mistake. But the partner that did the cheating spent years being punished in some way and was miserable. It did get better but it took a lot of time and a lot of suffering on both parts.
 
Pats said:
I think something else you need to ask yourself is do you love her enough to possibly spend years proving yourself to her and carrying the guilt she might lay on you for years to come? I actually have helped a few marriages over come a mistake of judgement where one cheated on the other but truly regretted the mistake. But the partner that did the cheating spent years being punished in some way and was miserable. It did get better but it took a lot of time and a lot of suffering on both parts.
Click to expand...

I do I honestly believe she is the only woman for me. Otherwise, I would've gotten over her after 14 years of dating other people.

I didn't see her at all during that time. We didn't talk. We were both trying to move on.
 
Trust is hard to gain the first time for me.
Break it and trying again is like breaking a leg that you may be able to walk with
but there will always be a limp.
Even if you're willing to "limp on", whatever caused the broken trust will never be forgotten.
Living with that kind of doubt would eat me up inside.
 
I can only speak for myself here, but I don't forget. Ever. Every wrongdoing has consequences. I can move on with life, I can interact with people who have wronged me and have functional relationships, but they are always clouded by the distinct memory of their betrayal.
I recognise your intentions are good, but if she's anything like me then you'd be flogging a dead horse. She would always be holding something back in anticipation of the next time you break her heart.
 
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