It sounds to me like from what you said so far one goal of yours is to feel better about yourself, but you do not belief yet that can happen because of all those lifetime of negative reinforcements which caused ingrained and unchangeable self doubt.
Just in your one post alone, I feel you hit on two of the several important components I feel that are often needed to achieve, in order to find more happiness, functionality, and success in one's life. Others may differ with how I processed and did things, so I'll just give my opinions and what I did.
If to feel better about yourself is one goal, I feel that seems attainable, but after you read this further if you feel it is not, create a smaller goal along those lines first; one where you feel you would be more able to be achieved in your mind after seeing if the below other steps will make your main goal seem realistic.
Now, with regards to your goal, do you have the physical and/or mental energy to work in that direction?
@Misery was right when she for instanced focused on any alcohol you are taking and any lack of nutrition, to name a few. Would those not be potentially big obstacles in not having enough energy to work toward your goal?
If you cannot reduce or eliminate alcohol, such that you have a less depressive state of mind, and if you are not eating healthier foods, or not getting some needed medication, perhaps one or both of those goals may need to be your goals first, or at least you may need to accomplish those first, before proceeding on that original goal.
Why would one with more depressed mood and/or with less energy from being in a more depressed or less healthier physical and mental state be able to have that energy to think and feel in a clearer or more receptive or positive way? I mean, it would seem like being more healthy could give more reason to have belief of success.
And that is what you indicated you were having trouble with in your post. You mentioned you did not believe you could overcome a lifetime of self-doubt and criticisms. It would seem like by creating an attainable goal, and having the energy needed to start on that path could be the first two necessary components to focus on.
Once you felt you had those successes there, as remember, not everyone will even create goals, or they create them too large so they will give up out of frustration, and not everyone wants any change, so you seem one step up from them there. So, by you admitting you want better, and seeming to want answers, those are huge pluses, and you could be soon on your journey to healthier and happier living.
Once you create your goal, and find that extra energy, through step by step healthier eating and drinking, and by doing anything else that can make you in a more receptive state of mind, like exercise, more or less sleep, and any treatment, and getting into good routines there, I think this should give you enough sense of accomplishments for you to believe you can proceed on a path to reach a goal, like to feel better about yourself.
And once one has some belief then that that goal can occur, from those other successes, they then may be motivated to act. I have seen time and time again persons not acting in life on good advice and on this forum, and it seems like it is because they never set specific attainable goals to start, and because they did not have the energy, and then the belief of the goal's success as they needed other successes or knowledge first to propel them forward in that direction.
Motivation may more often naturally occur once those other mentioned things are accomplished first. Think of motivation as sometimes requiring a few or more step-by-step, smaller successes. Too often persons want to jump over steps, or they are impatient and want quick results, or they may fail to see the important details or other steps that could greatly mean the difference between success and failure.
Also, too often persons are not motivated because they do not want that goal for themselves. They could be trying to please a friend, partner, or they are just trying to fit in. That's why I did not create my goals with others in mind. My goals were my own to worry less, think more positively, to have higher social self-esteem, and to be physically healthier. I figured doing so would automatically make me live better.
Once one is motivated to act, after having a realistic or attainable goal, the energy, and some belief of it's success, of course one needs a plan of action. If one cannot figure that out, resort to research and asking expert others in that department. No plan will work for all, as we all are different, and with different abilities, triggers, sensitivities, learning ways, and tolerances.
In my case, I created a step by step plan like a flowchart, for my goals, or I saw it like dividing up a book using an outline. Then I needed to Act, as a plan means nothing if I just dream. For instance, for one goal to lessen self-doubt, I did research positive thinking and CBT techniques, then for each of those techniques I agreed with or felt I could do, I broke them down further, and set aside a few minutes a day for doing each of those, but increasing the time, the more I got used to such.
I eventually over a few weeks saw those efforts as not really work, and not difficult, but as fun, easy and rewarding, and it caused me to dream of even bigger things. I was simply daily replacing unealthier routines and beliefs about myself, from a past history of negative reinforcements there, with new daily positive thoughts, visualizations and pushing away negative thoughts and feelings quicker, after learning from those.
Of course just because we are now acting from following a plan, this does not mean there could be everything that runs smoothly. Sometimes unexpected happenings occur, or we may need to deviate from a plan, and react accordingly. That is Ok. Rarely does everything run perfectly according to any plan. That is why those other components mentioned seem important to me, so we do not give up when one path closes up.
There are always often many different ways to accomplish things. Luck can get us there at rare times faster, but our knowledge, efforts, patience, attention to details, and resilience, will often be the keys, besides those other things mentioned. I believe in you all here. You all seem detailed and smart in ways, and found this place to reach out here and want to learn more or to get more support, and you all seem resilient too, so I have faith in all of you to find more successes and happiness.
