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How to "show intellect" in a comfortable way?

Neko

Neko

Member
I don't even really know how to bring up this topic without offending others, so I'm sorry if anyone does feel upset reading this post.

I'm looking for some advice on this one. I almost always hide my intellect because it's not on the same level as others around me. With that said, I have very little formal education so my grammar is not great.

I'd like to be more myself and not always hiding it, but how do I do so without other people feeling scared, threatened, or simply confused?

Thanks! :)
 
Too brainy.

For example: I study computer science (artificial intelligence development) alongside philosophy, but I've learned I can't even bring those topics up with most people (in person) because they either have no idea what I'm talking about, or their understanding is frustratingly simplistic.

Of course I'm not "the smartest person out there" by any means... I'm just frustrated that I always have to seem to guess how to talk to people so I don't seem too far above or below them intellectually.
 
Just my own take on this: Short answer is don't overshoot the group you are with at any given time. Not unless its your job to do so (ie you are the boss, etc). Even so it may still show, which can be ok, if you find people naturally coming to you for ideas/solutions. I'm talking primarily in a working setting.

I'd summarize it as 'Be it but don't show it off'. But as you get to know individuals you may find some are closer to yourself and you might test the waters so-to-speak when you are one on one. Maybe finding similar interests/subjects to talk about, similar humor, etc. To get more exposure to similar people may require job or social circle changes on your part.
 
Thanks Tom, that's a great point.

Though I was curious more about every day life (i.e. making friends). My social circles are practically non-existent right now, so I have to work on them for sure.

Making friends and small talk is hard enough, then when the question "so, what do you do?" comes up I just sigh.
 
You don’t have to hide your intellect, but it’s generally a good idea to adjust the subject and the depth of discussion to the company you’re in.

An example: my mom and grandmother are both very intelligent women, but we don’t have the same fields of expertise. I’m a medical doctor, my mom’s field is linguistics and my grandmother never went to university because that just didn’t happen for women when she was young.

So when they ask about my work I stick with very basic answers, unless they specifically ask me to explain how something works or go into more detail. When choosing a subject for discussion I usually pick an interest we have in common (books, movies, cooking, houseplants) or current events I know they follow. As smart as my mom and grandmother are, I know they’re going to stare at me confused when I start talking about clotting factors and my mom knows I’m not gonna understand the intricacies of Norwegian grammar, so we just pick subjects others can relate to.

When talking about my work to my boyfriend, who works in tech, I generally go into more detail because I know he wants to hear details because he’s very interested in medicine. But I only do that because he has repeatedly asked me to go into detail.

If I want to have an in-depth discussion about my field of work or special interests, I find someone I know shares that interest and shares an interest in talking about it.

Way I read your post, you might want to compartmentalize who you talk to about what. And maybe find some new people to talk to about your fields of interest.
 
Thank you Bolletje,

Do you find people are turned off by your brief answers? I'm always worried they think I don't want to talk to them when I answer briefly, which is the opposite of the truth. I don't know what they're thinking though.

Along with your suggestions, I will be myself more. I will try to adjust appropriately, but I think it may be best to stop presuming other's won't be able to follow me.

Hopefully I can find some others interested in the same topics. That's a simple enough thing to say, but doing it has proven quite challenging. :)
 
I have worked at a technical help desk before.
  1. If someone asks you for help or advice, etc., don't just listen to their question. Gauge their understanding of the subject by the words they use and answer them on an equivalent level.
  2. Be as helpful as you can at all times.
  3. With my wife (on a subject where I am more knowledgeable), I will ask her if she wants the long answer or the short answer.
  4. If you don't know an answer, say that you don't know. (It affirms your awareness of your own mortality/limitations.) You can add if you have some experience in the matter.
  5. If you get a reputation for being accommodating, they will cut you slack on those times when you go over their heads. But few will extend that consideration under a first impression.
 
Thanks Crossbreed!

Sounds like the best thing for me to do is to find some people I can speak more naturally with, then I can gauge and adjust with others.
 
Look up the Socratic method - and don’t tell people things. Ask them. Then you can have a conversation with almost anyone, regardless of ‘intellect’.

Also, knowledge is not intellect. If you want to talk about AI software development, you’re probably going to have to find people who are into it too.

Just like you with your bad grammar and smarts, intelligence takes many forms. The first is an understanding that one’s knowledge is not one’s intelligence. Another would be to be able to value the different kinds of intelligence that other people have, and understand that they have completely different internal worlds to you. You may not want to start off sounding arrogant - so try to see other people for what they do offer, rather than what you think they lack.
 
Neko said:
I'm looking for some advice on this one. I almost always hide my intellect because it's not on the same level as others around me. With that said, I have very little formal education so my grammar is not great.

Thanks! :)
Click to expand...

My advice is to keep doing it. I was about 10-11 when my family laughed at my advice about something. I thought at that time I need to be very careful what I speak to others about.

The autistic thinks differently. They are the next stage of human evolution. What is obvious to you is often ignored or not noticed by linear thinking people.

I find that most in our society are insecure. They are easily frighten by those who are more aware than they are. Not everyone. Some can recognize your seemingly uncanny abilities and will appreciate you.

The ignorant can not comprehend their lack of awareness. It is best to leave it that way. Do your best to navigate your way and be in harmony with all ways of being.

All of us are at a very early stage of human evolution. My ignorance about our greater reality is some thing I can be comfortable with. The same is seldom true for most strictly linear thinking people.

John
 
Neko said:
Thanks Tom, that's a great point.

Though I was curious more about every day life (i.e. making friends). My social circles are practically non-existent right now, so I have to work on them for sure.

Making friends and small talk is hard enough, then when the question "so, what do you do?" comes up I just sigh.
Click to expand...

My husband deflected that question when we met. I think he made up a story about being under cover in a tortilla factory or something.
Take the "what do you do" question as a sign they are interested in you but don't know how to move the conversation along. Because, as crap as NDs are at small talk, NTs are just as bad.
 
Neko said:
Thank you Bolletje,

Do you find people are turned off by your brief answers? I'm always worried they think I don't want to talk to them when I answer briefly, which is the opposite of the truth. I don't know what they're thinking though.

Along with your suggestions, I will be myself more. I will try to adjust appropriately, but I think it may be best to stop presuming other's won't be able to follow me.

Hopefully I can find some others interested in the same topics. That's a simple enough thing to say, but doing it has proven quite challenging. :)
Click to expand...

Yes, being yourself is the right way to go. And yes, do stop presuming others can't follow you. While you mean no ill will, the presumption that you are the smarter person in a conversation just robs yourself of the opportunity to find like minds.
 
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There is some great advice above.

Some techniques I use, some of which have already been mentioned:
1. Know your audience. If you don't know,...ask. As a part-time university instructor and a resource person at work, when I receive a question from someone I know, I already have a feel for where they are in their knowledge, and is easy to just jump in and give them the answers they need. If I don't know, I will start with a leading question like, "Explain to me what you already know about <...> and I will fill in with my answer." This way, I don't insult them by talking down to them and repeating what they already know,...or I don't start talking above their level and loose them in the conversation. One of my autistic traits is to monologue,...I don't want to do that. I want to answer their question as concisely as possible, but like I said earlier, if they don't have the foundation to understand the answer, I might have to elaborate a bit.

2. In my youth, I was a bit insecure in who I was as a person, and I would often try to impress people with my knowledge and intelligence. It only served to alienate me, piss people off,...basically people didn't like me. Between the constant need to open my mouth and monologue on topics, as well as, a youthful cockiness,...it only served to further separate me. Now, many years later, I have learned to keep my mouth shut, smile, and simply take the role of the "friendly instructor". I receive calls every day at work from nurses, doctors, and fellow respiratory therapists. People know they can either take the time to try to look something up,...or simply call me. Most people are busy, simply want a quick answer, and move on with their day.

3. As an aging autistic, you will have had many, many "special interests",...and with that, an ever increasing "library of knowledge", to draw upon. You might be seen as an irritating "know-it-all",...or a friendly resource. How you go about your day and interactions is up to you, but it does take some discipline to pause a second, know who your are dealing with, how are you going to add to this conversation in a positive way, and decide whether to open your mouth or not.
 
Learning to dial it back can actually be an asset.
Never assume you are the smartest individual in the room.
Having that view could well prevent you from learning from others ;)
 
I like comparing the very rich to the sort of rich, they very rich do not show case how rich they are intelligence is much the same others can quickly tell even poorly educated, but intelligent tend to shine with very little effort, only issue I have noticed is lack of self confidence.
 
Dat som gut stuff from the group here. Good question. Dam l miss those huge encyclopedia books that were so fun to browse.
 
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