How to talk to someone at the gym who has autism

[Krystal Bibby]

Hello, how do i talk or approach a guy at the gym who is autistic? We have smiled at each other and he keeps looking at me. He always has ear phones in so approaching him may be awkward for him. I think we both like each other. Do you have any advice on how to take things further? He does not talk or communicate with anyone at the gym. Thank you!

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Hello, how do i talk or approach a guy at the gym who is autistic? We have smiled at each other and he keeps looking at me. He always has ear phones in so approaching him may be awkward for him. I think we both like each other. Do you have any advice on how to take things further? He does not talk or communicate with anyone at the gym. Thank you!

I am an "autistic gym rat" as well. The best way to deal with me at the gym,...is not to interrupt me during my workout,...but catch me in the locker room, just outside, at the front desk, drinking fountain, etc. Many autistics can have issues with the timing of their eye contact,...I've actually had people in the gym complain about my apparent "staring" at them. When confronted, I didn't know what they were talking about,...that's how unaware I was at the time. Now that I am much more self-aware, I tend to keep my eyes to myself, keep my mouth shut, be in my own world, and focus upon my workout. Having said that, I am very open to friendly conversation. I am very friendly,...just very socially awkward,...and probably am not going to initiate. Small talk is not a skill I have,...so best to be direct and asking pointed questions about work, family, interests, etc. If this person is like me,...he will talk your ear off,...to the point where you might want to get the heck out of there. Feel free to jump in and stop the conversation at any point,...because he might not know how. Advice: It is generally best to use direct language. I know it is commonly considered polite to use indirect language, for example, phrasing requests in the form of a question,...try to avoid this, it can be confusing. Conversely, he is likely to use direct language with you,...so don't get weirded out or offended by it,...it's often our way. Autism has some general commonalities that make it autism,...but you're talking about a population of people with far more neurodiversity than the neurotypical population.

Good luck

 

[Magna]

Hello, how do i talk or approach a guy at the gym who is autistic? We have smiled at each other and he keeps looking at me. He always has ear phones in so approaching him may be awkward for him. I think we both like each other. Do you have any advice on how to take things further? He does not talk or communicate with anyone at the gym. Thank you!

Welcome. How do you know he's autistic?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Hello, he has told me before that he is.

Hello, thank you for the reply! Its just that he is really shy so I am not sure how to communicate with him. Or how to take things further with him. Have you got any advice to approach a shy and slightly introverted autistic guy? I am not sure if he knows I like him back or not

You've got to be direct.

 

[Krystal Bibby]

You've got to be direct.

Thank you for the advice!

 

[Magna]

Hello, he has told me before that he is.

Hello, thank you for the reply! Its just that he is really shy so I am not sure how to communicate with him. Or how to take things further with him. Have you got any advice to approach a shy and slightly introverted autistic guy? I am not sure if he knows I like him back or not

As NN RRT said, if you like him and want to get to know him better, you'd be best to be direct with him.

"I like seeing you at the gym and you seem really nice. I'd like to get to know you better. Can we [ get coffee, take a walk, etc ] sometime?"

We generally can't pick up on subtleties, non-verbal communication, etc. Plus in this day and age men are often shamed and castigated for approaching women. Unless you're direct, you might be waiting forever to have him pick up any signals that you like him.

 

[Krystal Bibby]

As NN RRT said, if you like him and want to get to know him better, you'd be best to be direct with him.

"I like seeing you at the gym and you seem really nice. I'd like to get to know you better. Can we [ get coffee, take a walk, etc ] sometime?"

We generally can't pick up on subtleties, non-verbal communication, etc. Plus in this day and age men are often shamed and castigated for approaching women. Unless you're direct, you might be waiting forever to have him pick up any signals that you like him.

Thank you for your advice!

 

[ForestGumpett]

What about a copy of your vaccine card with your phone number on it?

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

i can`t imagine that being me ,only it would be done out on the street,at the subway station or on the subway train ,if how i appear to women or men (i`m bisexual) upon eye-contact weren`t messed up,they wouldn`t be walking away from me & i`m hopelessly single because of it .

 

[Neonatal RRT]

i can`t imagine that being me ,only it would be done out on the street,at the subway station or on the subway train ,if how i appear to women or men (i`m bisexual) upon eye-contact weren`t messed up,they wouldn`t be walking away from me & i`m hopelessly single because of it .

It pains me to see posts like this Jared. So many of us here feel like that visiting alien tourist,...imbedded in a world not our own, observing but wanting to interact,...some not able,...but there is some hope given that roughly 1 in 60 are autistic. The interesting thing is that given that commonality, we often do not recognize each other, or are hidden in the shadows and behind computer screens. Someone had mentioned they often wear a backpack, and on the back is printed, "Stay calm, I'm autistic". Genius. I wear my employee badge with the autism puzzle piece design on it. The LGTBQ community has the rainbow,...I've seen the bumper stickers. I wish there were easier and more socially acceptable ways for us to find each other. Having said that, there are neurotypicals that are quite perceptive, giving, loving, and willing to take a chance on us. It just takes a bit of courage to put ourselves out there,...I know there's a risk of getting hurt,...but there's also a risk of being loved.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

It pains me to see posts like this Jared. So many of us here feel like that visiting alien tourist,...imbedded in a world not our own, observing but wanting to interact,...some not able,...but there is some hope given that roughly 1 in 60 are autistic. The interesting thing is that given that commonality, we often do not recognize each other, or are hidden in the shadows and behind computer screens. Someone had mentioned they often wear a backpack, and on the back is printed, "Stay calm, I'm autistic". Genius. I wear my employee badge with the autism puzzle piece design on it. The LGTBQ community has the rainbow,...I've seen the bumper stickers. I wish there were easier and more socially acceptable ways for us to find each other. Having said that, there are neurotypicals that are quite perceptive, giving, loving, and willing to take a chance on us. It just takes a bit of courage to put ourselves out there,...I know there's a risk of getting hurt,...but there's also a risk of being loved.

i`d rather wait it out until i`m found by someone,even if it`s a bisexual woman.

 

[Fino]

What if you don't have magic diagnostic powers and he turns out to not be autistic? Would that effect anything?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

What if you don't have magic diagnostic powers and he turns out to not be autistic? Would that effect anything?

Well, according to her, he's already said he was autistic. That's been established.

However, it shouldn't matter,...if,...you have settled on a communication style and relationship ground rules. I think this is a key with any relationship. We are all different, with different ways of interpreting things, how we like to be communicated to. At some point, early in the relationship, there needs to be that conversation,...basic ground rules,...direct vs indirect communication, dishonesty, deceit, controlling behaviors, your "personal baggage" from previous relationships, etc. You can't be six months into a somewhat rocky relationship and still discussing and changing the rules as you go along, miscommunications, hiding little things, tiny little lies, eroding each others trust,...that's unsettling in the least.

 

[Fino]

Well, according to her, he's already said he was autistic. That's been established.

However, it shouldn't matter,...if,...you have settled on a communication style and relationship ground rules. I think this is a key with any relationship. We are all different, with different ways of interpreting things, how we like to be communicated to. At some point, early in the relationship, there needs to be that conversation,...basic ground rules,...direct vs indirect communication, dishonesty, deceit, controlling behaviors, your "personal baggage" from previous relationships, etc. You can't be six months into a somewhat rocky relationship and still discussing and changing the rules as you go along, miscommunications, hiding little things, tiny little lies, eroding each others trust,...that's unsettling in the least.

You initially implied you haven't approached him yet and you said that he doesn't speak to anyone.