How to tell aspie friend that I don't want to talk all the time?

[silly]

I have a friend with aspergers who wants to skype all the time. I've told him I'm busy but he'll send me messages at random hours asking to chat everyday anyway. Even when I do have the time to skype with him, it'll be an hour or so of awkward small talk because he never has anything to tell me. I ask him why he wants to talk so badly if he has nothing to talk to me about...and he says its because he's bored. This tests my patience because all this small talk is draining for me and I really have no desire to be someone's personal entertainment.

I suppose its my fault if the conversation is all small talk, but I'm a pretty reserved person and, honestly, not that close to the guy...

What I've done about it so far:

• told him that I don't want to skype everyday and that its draining for me
• said that I don't want to entertain him and suggested about other things he could do when he's bored
• suggested to talk to some other of our friends who are online
• asked him to skype me when he actually has something he really wants to tell me

And nada?? Nowadays I either don't respond to the messages (which makes me feel guilty) or I tell him I'm busy, but that'll just make him ask me again a few hours later or the next day.

What should I do? :/ I'm thinking of running away from all the social internet stuff, but I have an LDR to maintain. I suppose I could schedule a weekly time to chat with him but I feel like that's a lot of commitment for someone that I'm not terribly close to. I haven't even talked to some of my best friends in weeks.

Thanks for reading! I hope I don't sound mean...

 

[. . .]

Start signing in as Invisible. That should make him message you less often?if at all.

If that doesn't work and he continues messaging you, warn him that you'll block him if he doesn't respect your wishes to not be messaged all the time.

 

[oscar2012]

Just tell him direct dont do small talk he would respect you for that because your being straight with him

 

[lostinspace]

My recommendation is to have him communicate with you by email that you can read (or not) when you feel like it. This way you can get a sense of what is happening with him and have a way for him to say anything he really needs to, but you can quickly skim through all the stuff you have little or no interest in.

 

[Arashi222]

I would actually have a sit down conversation with him about how you feel like trying to talk everyday is just not going to work with your schedule and while you want to continue to talk to him it might better off with another form of communication. Be honest, straight forward and let him know exactly how you feel. We would rather be hurt than mislead. Suggest as a compromise like LostinSpace suggested that Email would be a better way to communicate that way you have the space you need and time to talk to him when you want to. Or Tell him straight up that if he doesn't respond to your needs in two days or whatever (give him a time limit) that you will have to block him. Just a thought.

 

[garnetflower13]

I used to be guilty of this, but not on Skype. I used to phone people and monologue at them and could never take a hint. Then I would be hurt when they avoided me. I am glad to say I don't do this anymore, but how trying it must have been to well meaning people like you. So I can understand your dilemma! You don't want to hurt his feelings, but like Arashi222 said, we would rather be hurt then misled because we don't understand what happened when somebody cuts us off or avoids us, so we try harder to connect in an effort to understand, etc. I think the advice about giving a warning that if the excessive attempts to communicate aren't regulated properly you will block him is good. Also, to email instead of Skype is good too. Hope you can work it out!

 

[Judge]

This is just the sort of thing that makes me wish I had known I had AS a long time ago. Having the possibility that I'd be better prepared in attempting to explain myself rather than to avoid telling someone anything about what makes me tick. People tend to take this personally without any explanation. Especially those closest to you. At least that was my experience.

All my life I have cherished my quiet time. That's never going to change. At least now I have the sense to attempt to explain it rather than keep it silent as one of my unexplained "personality quirks".

 

[Warwick C]

I have to admit to doing much the same myself (but in person). I am now in a transition
away from general talking. I think it helps now that I understand why I needed help.

It has me a year to work through my health issues, and getting diagnosed in August.

 

[Dakura]

I think I'm doing this right now -_-, I'd suggest you just tell him outright, and explain in painful detail why you do not want to talk to him on skype everyday for small-talk. I suggest in person, stings a bit more in return for a bit more clarity.

But honestly I do my thing because I'm superbly insecure about my relationships, the greatest thing I fear is abandonment, and I feel somewhat by talking to people everyday I can reaffirm their willingness to be friends with me. So maybe your friend is super insecure too?

 

[Drake Marino]

Aspie or not, why should it make a difference? Your mistake lies in responding to him. You've told him multiple times that you don't want to talk to him 24/7, and if he continues to constantly pester you your best bet is to ignore him, as he obviously isn't listening to you.