How to tell if an Aspie guy loves you?

[Aryana]

I have been friends with this guy for over 3 years and now we have become intimate. He's never had a real relationship before. He stays over Saturday nights . He is close with my kids however he still keeps what's going on with us private. How do I know if this is just about sex or he has feelings for me?

 

[marc_101]

Ask him.

But before that, figure out what you want from the relationship too so you can explain what you want/need.

 

[Forest Cat]

Ask him.

I think this makes sense. Simple and to the point.

 

[Rodafina]

I lend my support to the argument to ask him. It's the only way.

 

[Kalinychta]

That’s assuming he’ll tell the truth.

 

[Forest Cat]

That’s assuming he’ll tell the truth.

Everything seemed so simple and straightforward, don't ruin it with logic and reasoning.

 

[Rodafina]

That’s assuming he’ll tell the truth.

Fair enough, but it still seems like a good starting point. If he’s not truthful, there’s a whole other issue for OP to ask us about.

 

[Kalinychta]

Everything seemed so simple and straightforward, don't ruin it with logic and reasoning.

That sounds like something the March Hare would say.

 

[Kalinychta]

If he’s not truthful, there’s a whole other issue for OP to ask us about.

Yeah, in about a year when she finally realizes he wasn’t truthful.

I take it the boyfriend is reserved, doesn’t show his feelings? You (OP) might need a can opener to get into his mind. Maybe just give it some time?

 

[Rodafina]

Maybe just give it some time?

If I recall correctly, this issue has been already going on for almost a year. @Aryana first posted about it last March.

Spoiler

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/confused-and-need-advice.43080/

 

[Forest Cat]

That sounds like something the March Hare would say.

I do host a lot of outdoor tea parties

 

[Aryana]

If I recall correctly, this issue has been already going on for almost a year. @Aryana first posted about it last March.

Spoiler

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/confused-and-need-advice.43080/

Yes but we were just friends now we are intimate with each other so it has progressed

 

[Aryana]

If I recall correctly, this issue has been already going on for almost a year. @Aryana first posted about it last March.

Spoiler

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/confused-and-need-advice.43080/

Yes but we were just friends now we are intimate with each other

Yes but we were just friends now we are intimate with each other so it has progressed

Also I will add he is very truthful. But I am too afraid to ask maybe I should have written the question as if if you are in love with somebody how do you show them?

 

[Rodafina]

I should have written the question as if if you are in love with somebody how do you show them?

Good idea! That's a much better question, I think.

 

[Kalinychta]

Also I will add he is very truthful. But I am too afraid to ask maybe I should have written the question as if if you are in love with somebody how do you show them?

Do you feel like he loves you? You’ve known him for three years—have you noticed in that time how he shows affection? Does he spend time with you just to hang out?

 

[Aryana]

Do you feel like he loves you? You’ve known him for three years—have you noticed in that time how he shows affection? Does he spend time with you just to hang out?

I definitely feel he loves me. He has changed so much. The way he hugs me says it to me! He gives me massages and wants to make sure that it feels good to me .

 

[Kalinychta]

I definitely feel he loves me. He has changed so much. The way he hugs me says it to me! He gives me massages and wants to make sure that it feels good to me .

So is this more about you wanting him to say he loves you because it would feel good to hear him say it?

 

[Aryana]

So is this more about you wanting him to say he loves you because it would feel good to hear him say it?

Yes I guess it would make me certain of his feelings. But that's the NT in me.

 

[Rodafina]

Yes I guess it would make me certain of his feelings...

You sounded pretty certain when you said this:

I definitely feel he loves me.

---

Not trying to criticize you, just wondering if you are seeking answers that you already have.

I wonder if this is an issue of finding internal validation vs. external validation. Maybe you are actually getting external validation, but it is your insecure inner voice that makes you question your guy's feelings, and actions. You definitely feel he loves you, so where did this post question come from?

 

[Aryana]

You sounded pretty certain when you said this:

---

Not trying to criticize you, just wondering if you are seeking answers that you already have.

I wonder if this is an issue of finding internal validation vs. external validation. Maybe you are actually getting external validation, but it is your insecure inner voice that makes you question your guy's feelings, and actions. You definitely feel he loves you, so where did this post question come from?

I guess in a way it is my own internal insecurities how are there are things that he does that I truly believe he loves me but then there are things that he doesn't do that makes me question. Does this make sense to you?